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Who paid for your shower?

Original post by bostoninLI

This isn't a concern about my own shower, but I am a bridesmaid in another wedding (1 month before my wedding) and I know her MOH (her sister) is going to ask us to pay for the shower. Mine is being paid for by my FMIL and I've never been part of a wedding where the bridesmaids pay for the shower. Is this a reasonable bridesmaid responsibility?

soon2bmrsdunn Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

I know that my mom will be paying for my shower.

CJStein Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My Mom paid for mine, I'm pretty sure..and my bridal party did/is doing favors, decorations, etc.

Danigrl28 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My mother paid for my shower and my MOD paid for some of the little stuff like the prizes for the games. I have been in some weddings were the BP didn't have to pay for anything and others where we did chip in.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

I think my MOH is paying... its a little different for me though because my MOH is in her 50s and is like my second mom.

SeptBride70 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

Posted by jportjeff

both my mom and fmil paid for there own showers.

However, I was a BM in my friends wedding and her mom paid for her shower, but her fmil said we needed to pay for her shower. We grew up with her family, but hardly knew his family.

Anywyay, Get this.. I'm sure this is more info then you wanted!

She tells us to use 60 as a head count, so we did 50 to be conservative, booked a place using 45-50 as a minimum.

Then 4 days before she tells us maybe there will be 35. Then the day before she tells us there will be 30. And guess how many showed up the day of 24!!!!

She didn't offer to pay for anything. Not even the 11 people we had to pay for, because she couldn't provide an accurate headcount! And to be honest this is her family. We invited 2 friends, the rest were in the bridal party. I didn't feel it was right that we had to pay for his whole families shower.

Ohh, she did offer to provide the centerpeices, which imo was completely unnecessary, they already had flowers on the tables. So, at the end of the shower she had 6 centerpeices and took them ALL home and did not offer to give any of the bridal party who paid for her family to have lunch!

It just pst me off. Because had she gave us the right #, I would of had it at my house! How can you be off by over 100%


wow--unbelievable!! i'm so sorry!!
beachychic Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My parents and g-ma. They didn't want the BMs to have to shell out another expense.

69 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

my mom is paying for mine,but I had to pay for someone else's yes... I guess it is... it ***** though believe me!

nicolehojo Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

I honestly have no clue. I told everyone i dont want a shower, but they said, thats just tooooo bad, its great to have one. it helps you get things for your home and we want to do it for you... Oy boy. I dont want a shower, because i hate being the center of attention. I would rather only have to do it at my wedding vs my shower also.

Soon2BMrsA Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My younger sisters planned it, my parents paid for it.

smara Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My sister -Matron of Honor and my Friend Maid of Honor. I dont think my BM are going to help.

Technically the BP should help out in some way,even if it is setting up. I helped out or contributed for every wedding Ive been in.
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

I always thought it was the bridal party that split the cost. That was the case for the two weddings I have been in. Both were at nice restaurants, and the cost was split between all the girls.

Maybe if you can't contribute monetarily, you can offer to do more creative work? Not that us brides have a ton of extra time, but it will show it's strictly the money that's a problem for you. Just a thought...
lilnikita Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

I don't know if it's an Italian thing, but MOB usually has paid at every single family shower I have been to. I was basically in shock when I found out I had to contribute to a shower for a wedding I was in, but I've learned to accept it as a difference in cultures.

Unapearla Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

my Mom and MOH's (which are my two sisters) will be paying for mine.

jportjeff Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

the thing that was just embarrassing for this woman and even my friend was when we were paying, the brides mom who travelled all the way from NJ and had already had her own shower wanted to give us money for the shower!

I guess everyone is different. Her fmil is very well off and not to offer anything is just rude.

The best part was we gave her future sister in law one job, the invitations and she didn't even include directions or even the right address!

It was quite the Seinfeld episode from the beginning.. I'm sure she's in for an interesting ride with his family.

Summer101 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My mom is paying for my shower, but I have been in a wedding party where we (the BM's) had to chip in for the shower.

JodiBabe Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My MOH did most & my daughter who was one of my BM contributed a little bit. Because I knew my MOH would spend $$ she really didn't have I asked DH to offer to help her & I'd give it to him since my daughter couldn't knowing that she would never take it from me and he did it but refused to take anything from me. He said it was my party & I deserved for it to be a special day.
debbiedee77 Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

My mom paid for my shower. In my experiences, usually the mom and/or MIL pays for the shower. The MOH and bridesmaids usually help out with the decorations and favors but that's it.

The BM and MOH have enough expenses with the dresses, and bachorette party (which have become extravagant).
October Bliss Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

Posted by bostoninLI

This isn't a concern about my own shower, but I am a bridesmaid in another wedding (1 month before my wedding) and I know her MOH (her sister) is going to ask us to pay for the shower. Mine is being paid for by my FMIL and I've never been part of a wedding where the bridesmaids pay for the shower. Is this a reasonable bridesmaid responsibility?


I realize in this day and age, tradition is pretty much out the window but . . . traditionally (and in all the etiquette books I've looked at) the bridal party pays for the shower. It is considered improper for MOB to pay for it. Every wedding I was ever a part of, the BP paid for the shower.
d&D Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

It is tradition for the bridesmaids to chip in and contribute for a shower. As for mine, my bridesmaids and MOH basically paid for the whole thing. I think it is to be expected when you are asked to be in a bridal party that there will be many expenses involved from dresses, shoes, gifts, bachelorette parties and the shower....I would totally expect to contribute to the shower.

lreigada Posted:

Re: Who paid for your shower?

From my experience - the bridal party pays for invites and favors. To keep costs down - do the party at someones house and make it potluck type of affair. It can be quite affordable if it is kept simple and if you are on a budget let the rest of the girls know that. They may offer to pay more or keep the costs down since you can not afford to do more.

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