This is stupid, but last night I tried to have a conversation with FH about guestbooks. (why i don't know). I got the usual answer- the'how much will it cost' followed by 'I don't care- whatever you want.' So I proceeded to tell him that if he does not want to help with this wedding thing, the least he can do is pretend he cares, because it hurts my feelings when he says that, bla bla bla. So he tells me, nobody has cared about his opinion since the begining, when my mother took him aside behind my back and said 'You let my daughter have whatever she wants. Just smile and nod.' So........I thought that was funny of my mom, he didn't. And he never told me about it until last night.
MarcellaBella
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
hmm.. it all depends on how it was said.. but that could be the reason why he's acting that way.. personally, I would say something to my mother, it's his day too, you know? that's not right.
shelzyp
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
If it had annoyed FH, why ddin't he tell you about it earlier? I would be annoyed that he let it sit for a while before metioning it. I woulod also be a little annoyed at my moom for saying that, but maybe she meant it a a jokaing way!?!
Sunny
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I think she probably said it in the same way she took him aside when I was 17 and told him if he got me pregnant she would kill him! I know it is his day too, so he should give me some opinions! He made me promise not to tell my mom that he told me.
kptoys
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I would want FH to be more into it. It sounds to me like your mom was making a joke and your FH is just using that as an excuse for his behavior. JMO
Sunny
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
kptoys- I agree! Thank you. He is full of it. I don't expect him to care what flowers I pick, etc., but a little help would be nice!
eroxgirl
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
If my mother said that seriously I'd beat her, but then again, I think my FH would laugh at that b/c no one tells him what to do. Of course, that's not something I can imagine my mom saying in the first place b/c she knows she wouldn't get away with it. But just b/c she said that doesn't mean that he shouldn't still give his opinion. Its his wedding too, right?
Niecey
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I can see both sides. I can totally see how your mom would mean this joking but honestly if that was said to me or DH I can see feelings getting hurt. I wouldn't blame him for holding it inside and I can see it always being in the back of his head. Often I think people (incl. brides) think the wedding is all about the bride and groom gets left out and feeling bad. Maybe he is just going thru this. I would reassure him that your mom was joking and say no matter what anyone else feels you know this is about you and him and the celebration of your love for each other.
jenny2penny
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x
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DrmnBlnd
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I think I'd be a littel ticked at your mom. I bet that comment your mom made to your FH made him feel like he didn't have a right to say what he likes and doesn't. Mom should have thought twice before saying anything!
Sunny
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
Drmnblnd- you are probably right- But that is my mom. She just wants me to be happy, I guess.....
Sassy
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
Hmmm, sounds like something my sisters would say I would NOT be mad at MOM, she is looking out for you and wants the best for you.
It's up to FH to say well it's my day too, and not let your Mom dictate what he does. I think he may just be using it as an excuse, JMO
starhead
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I'd be totally ****ed at my mother for interfering in any way, I'm an adult and don't need her making my FH feel bad about voicing his opinions. Though your FH should have told you about it much sooner. I would be so mad if HIS mother did that to me!
WishCandy
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I would definitely have a talk w/my mother telling her that it is his day too and if what was a joke then it was a joke, but tell her that it hurt fi's feelings. Then tell fi that you did or will have a talk with her about that statement because you're taking his side and that even if it was a joke, it shouldn't have been said.
Sunny
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
He made me promise I wouldn't tell her he told me, and knowing my mom- I am better off not bringing it up. My mom is paying for 95% of this wedding, and for him to tell her it his his day to would MOST DEFINETLY not go over well!!!
ddunne23
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
What if you give him specific tasks to take care of like limos or music and those will be his part in the planning. From my experience, most guys really won't care what the guest book is or which color flower to get...so give him so jobs he can relate to..cars and music!
avesur
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
If his mother had told me that, I would be very, very, very angry, the same if my mother had gotten involved that way. I think you got a talk to both separately, and make him feel that his opinion counts.
michele31
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I am SURE your Mom didn't mean it to be nasty or an order to him. Just tell your Mom that your FH took her comments to heart and that she needs to be more considerate of his feelings in the future. Then tell FH that he needs to remember that he is marrying you and NOT your mother and when you ask for his opinion you want an opinion.
starhead
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
I'm not sure what your mom's paying for the day has to do with her being able to tell your FH what he can and can't do, it's not your mom's wedding.
tracb13
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Re: Who should I be mad at? I need opinions! (long)
Sunny, I do't think that what your mom did was necessarily bad - many brides wish that their FHs and mothers would just do whatever they want. Since your mother has interfered with your relationship before, I think you should be more worried about what precedent has been set for the furture. Alot about planning a wedding involves all of the parties expressing themselves and establishing their relationship going forward. Do you want your mother to be exerting presure (whether you agree with her or not) behind your back?
