why are people so cheap???

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Posted by Becky

Anyone who is 'expecting' a certain amount of money from each person is focusing on the wrong aspect of the day. It is about your guests' PRESENCE and not their PRESENTS

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I absolutely agree.

No couple EVER breaks even they throw a party, or arrange a wedding. I'm not expecting anyone to give us anything... I just expect everyone to have a goooood time. Then when I get home, and open gifts/envelopes, it'll just be a plus to the most special day.

Karensday:

So my BIL that was out on disabilty supporting a family of 5 should not have come to my wedding because he couldn't give a big gift?

Or what about my aunt that travelled from Colorado to share the day with us should have stayed home since she couldn't cover her plate eiter?

I guess you should have told people there was an admission charge of sorts to your wedding. Just because you can afford to throw a wedding at $300/plate does not mean all of your guests can afford to give that back to you.

this is such a hard subject. On the one hand, I agree with you it should be about the guests presence rather than their presents. But, to be quite frank, our parents are doing most of the inviting for our wedding. When I went through the invitation list, I realized that I would know about 25% of the people there. This is awful for me because I didn't want a huge wedding. So, the only thing that *we* as a the bridal couple are getting out of their presence is the gift, as WE have no emotional connection to them whatsoever.

Oddly enough, I am more uncomfortable with my close friends giving me large gifts for the wedding than I am with 'complete strangers.' I guess it is because the strangers are being invited out of a notion of propriety and should be expected to behave accordingly.

Is that weird or what?

I had no idea people had such different views on this. It's a shame that weddings here can't be like they are in other states, where the celebrations are generally more simple and of course, cost less. And I comletely agree that the point of a wedding is to celebrate the union and all that, and therefore large gifts should not be expected. And as with any celebration, people shoud give what they are comfortable giving, not feel bad b/c they can't give $200.

The real problem is that weddings cost so damn much in this area and by the time our parents are done paying exhorbitant amounts for our college bills, they just can't fork over another giant amount for our weddings, so then the couple takes more of the financial burden. And meanwhile most of us are still paying college loans while earning middle-class incomes so we look to the wedding as a way to hopefully add to a nest egg...and really, that is tradiationally part of what a wedding is about...celebrating the union and helping the couple start to get established. it stinks b/c no matter hjow hard you try...and we did...you cannot celebrate an average sized wedding in metro-NY for a small amount of money, no matter how minimalist and sweet and simple yoiu want to be. So unless you want to just have a really small backyard party with only immediate family, you have to find a place to accommodate all those people and feed them and it doesn't come cheap...but if you don't have a wedding, you'll never hear the end of it from Aunt so-and-so and you won't have an excuse to get family from all over the country together. so basically (i'm totally babbling now) as much as you don't want to feel like you are 'expecting' a gift, it's hard not to hope for some decent monetary gifts, b/c it can make you sick stressing about paying for such an affair....even a relatively modest one...let alone think about ever buying a house.

I kind of see what you mean. I've been trying not to think about this aspect of it. My mom gets more upset becasue she feels that she's very been very generous and now it's her turn.... But wait..isn't it my wedding??
I've been out of NYC for a few years now and yes things are much more low key even in a city as big as Chicago.
Sometimes I'm glad I don't live in NY anymore...how could I aford to shell out $300 for a wedding gift every other weekend and then look at housing prices that are in the neighborhood of $600,000?

That's exactly what my mom says! It's her turn. And sometimes I feel resentful like a spoiled brat but most often I try to remember that she's totally right and she and my Dad deserve some fun after all those years of worrying about money.

My friend is moving to Chiago, I can't wait to visit her there. everyone i know who has moved from this area thinks it's crazy how expensive real estate is...and no one can imagine moving back no that they are used to their $300/month rent!

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Posted by patti08

While I think I am going to get slammed for this here goes...

I appreciate the thoughtfullness of somone giving a gift or a kind word not the value of this gift itself.

We are paying for our wedding entirely on our own and have always felt we aren't doing it to get gifts or money but to celebrate the beginning or our lives together.

This is one stress that brides and grooms really shouldn't let bother them. If it does maybe it's time to re-evaluate what the day is all about.

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My thoughts exactly....I can't imagine EVER thinking' wow..thats what we got..' I could care less.....we got our everyday dishes from FH's aunt for our engagement gift and to this day I wanna give it back because I feel its too generous.....

I will say what some others have, if you can't afford to LOSE all the money you spend on a wedding then simply don't have one, because your not ready for marriage if 'covering plates' is on your mind....

JMO though and I dont judge those who feel differently....

I just don't think when it comes to 'how much' one should judge another....it's silly and it's supposed to be the THOUGHT that counts?

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Posted by chichila15

Do we all (in this post) cover our plates here?

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Not if I can't afford it, and if anyone invited me to a wedding and was upset I didn't cover my plate , I would not associate with that person...At times I have given triple my plate and at times I have given less then my plate...If I thought the person cared, I wouldn't go to the wedding period....I was there to celebrate the couples love...not help them pay for a party they choose to have.

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Posted by dm24angel

Not if I can't afford it, and if anyone invited me to a wedding and was upset I didn't cover my plate , I would not associate with that person...At times I have given triple my plate and at times I have given less then my plate...If I thought the person cared, I wouldn't go to the wedding period....I was there to celebrate the couples love...not help them pay for a party they choose to have.

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I agree. I am not expecting everyone to cover their plates at my wedding. Sure if they did, it would be really nice---I'll admit that. But, it's just not reality, and I'm not going to be upset over it. If people give what they can and contribute to my happiness on that day, then I am happy.

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Posted by karensday

That's nonsense! Unless your destitute-everyone knows what a wedding cost these days. When you go to a wedding it's clearly a statement not to give a gift or to give a super cheap gift-These people know exactly what they're doing and don't care. They should be ashamed of themselves. It's not that the day's about the gifts-it's just the principal that these people are ignorant freeloaders coming to an event and not making the effort to cover their plate! Save up and go to the wedding or stay home!

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Why would anyone invite a freeloader to their wedding?

Sorry to be so heated but I can't describe how hard it is to fathom how some of you feel....Jillbean you said that even if we say we would not look for a dime, we would be disappointed....you are wrong in my case...I could never ever in my worst moments expect my wedding to be about money and I CHOOSE this, no-one else did....Makes you wonder why no-one stays married very long anymore....maybe it started off on the wrong foot and seems many of you forgot the real reason for the celebration...you are INVITING these people to share your joy......since when did joy and love come with a $100 per head price tag?

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Posted by dm24angel

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Posted by karensday

That's nonsense! Unless your destitute-everyone knows what a wedding cost these days. When you go to a wedding it's clearly a statement not to give a gift or to give a super cheap gift-These people know exactly what they're doing and don't care. They should be ashamed of themselves. It's not that the day's about the gifts-it's just the principal that these people are ignorant freeloaders coming to an event and not making the effort to cover their plate! Save up and go to the wedding or stay home!

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Why would anyone invite a freeloader to their wedding?

Sorry to be so heated but I can't describe how hard it is to fathom how some of you feel....Jillbean you said that even if we say we would not look for a dime, we would be disappointed....you are wrong in my case...I could never ever in my worst moments expect my wedding to be about money and I CHOOSE this, no-one else did....Makes you wonder why no-one stays married very long anymore....maybe it started off on the wrong foot and seems many of you forgot the real reason for the celebration...you are INVITING these people to share your joy......since when did joy and love come with a $100 per head price tag?

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maybe it came out wrong.... i by no means am having a wedidng for money and ya know what i if someone did not have the money to buy us a gift i would be totally fine with it... i rather them be present than not be there because they couldnt afford it and everyone that knows me would know this about me

all i was trying to say is that you cant say that it doesnt cross your mind at some situations (like receiving a gift)
everyone has sub conscious feelings and expectations even if they are not said out loud
and if they are not expectations than it may differe on what you would have given or something along those lines

i guess there are ppeople on here that feel like covering their plate should happen.... i dont because no one knows how much you spend ...if i did care about making my money back i would have booked a place that was $80 a plate and would have made double what i paid so it is not important that i receive gifts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is just a guideline... but no you dont have to cover your plate-JMO

I don't mean to start a huge debate but you should at least try to cover your plate unless you are going to Donald trumps wedding where the cost is so extreme.
We got some really horrible gifts.
But all I have to say and it may sound old school but hat is how I was raised: ' What comes around goes around' and too bad that didn't hold true for me.

I think a wedding is the first big party as married couple and is all about the 'thought that counts' but that doesn't mean to go bankrupt. At one of our friends wedding one of their guest gave a $50 check that BOUNCED.

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Posted by wedding2004

I think a wedding is the first big party as married couple and is all about the 'thought that counts' but that doesn't mean to go bankrupt. At one of our friends wedding one of their guest gave a $50 check that BOUNCED.

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SO WHAT? I mean really people are you all really into the money aspect of it? Why would you spend money on a wedding if you couldnt afford it?

A few months ago I wrote a wedding check that BOUNCED....I had PLENTY of money in the bank but in my savings account and I forgot to transfer it and they didnt clear it( idiots yes) but was it a complete mistake, yes, it was a simple honest mistake....If I thought for a second that my friend talked about me badly afterwards I'd be horrified because no-one knows the real reason but ME....( it was redeposited and fine)

I have 4 weddings coming up this year, I cant afford to give these people $300 each time....so basically many of you are saying I should just stay home??? What do I tell my friends...sorry I cant afford the cover charge and I dont want you to talk about me afterwards??

Guess what...that is life...you are going to get people who are generous and people who are going to give gifts that may not live up to YOUR expectations.
If people are soooo concerned about the amount that you get in an envelope...you should do a credit report before sending out your invitations!
Me personally...i have people that i know can't afford to cover their plates...family members that are spending a lot of money to come to NY to attend my wedding ...and if they gave me nothing I could CARELESS! I am just thankful that their presence made my day special! That was the reason why i invited them!

I think the expectation to cover a plate is ridiculous..You should give what you want (or can afford) whether it be $50 or $600.

I agree with a lot of what was said about the high expectations of monetary gifts. First of all, no one has to give you money. I personally think it is more fun to open a present than an envelope anyway.

I have gone through months on end where I had two or more weddings a month. I live ok, but I don't have enough disposable income to have given a huge sum of money at all of those weddings. I did what I could, I expect that my friends and family were grateful. You may think that you know someone's financial situation, but you really don't and you don't know if yours is the fifth wedding in six weeks that your guests have attended.

If you want money that badly, go get hitched at city hall and save the $$ that you would have spent on your wedding. I was shocked to see a suggestion that guests should 'save up' money in order to cover their plates. Most people I know are saving for a house, their children's education or retirement. I would rather have received nothing from my guests if I thought they had to 'save up' just to cut me a big fat check for my wedding.