why are people so cheap???

---

Posted by chichila15

question... these are gifts from the bridal shower, right? And from your avatar, u're getting married on 7/4.. maybe your guests are splitting costs. They've given you gifts already, and then possibly plan to give $ on ur wedding???

---

No- these are wedding gifts. Not shower gifts. They sent gifts for the wedding a bit early.

I guess I understand your frustration if you're going out of your way to make these children comfortable at the wedding, however I must say that I disagree with the Long Island mentality of covering one's plate.

I am not inviting anyone to this wedding that I or FH don't/doesn't know, and that even extends to significant others of some of our friends whom we've never met. I don't believe in charging my friends or family 'admission' to my wedding. This party is a celebration for my Fiancee and I and those with whom we want to share it. Why should I expect a person to give more money based on where or when I chose to have the party? They should give what is in their hearts and within their means to give.

I went to a wedding once that was $300 per plate. The bride was a very good friend of mine, and I know she wanted me there to celebrate with her. She certainly didn't expect me to give her $600 for my FH and my plates!

If that's the way things were going to be, we should just charge a cover at the door.

ETA - I came off much harsher than I wanted to - sorry. I just don't understand the Long Island way of doing things sometimes, and I guess it just bothers me. It makes me feel inadequate when I dare purchase something off the registry for a wedding gift instead of giving cash, or G-d Forbid buy a gift that cost less than $100!

thank you- that is my point exacatlly. I don't expect gifts from everyone- my wedding is not about gifts. But from those that I have give to, for those that we have gone out of our way to invite their kids, for those that are usually generous, I would expect more than $40 each!

I totally understand about not having enough money to give someone a gift and that's totally fine- their presence is more important than their gift.

I misspoke when I said people should try to cover their plates. If a person has a wedding that is very expensive, that is their choice and nobody should be expected to pay for that choice. But I think $75-$100 is reasonable and we never give less than that.

IMO, a gift is gift. I am from this area and have a hard time with the cover your plate mentality. Does this mean if I am invited to a backyard Bbq wedding reception I give $25, no! I give based on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford regardless of where the wedding is.

I would never presume to guess what people can afford and not afford. If I did that I would get myself a big fat raise from my boss

Do we all (in this post) cover our plates here?

---

Posted by chichila15

Do we all (in this post) cover our plates here?

---

I give what I can afford at the time. When some of my friends got married, I couldn't afford to give much bc I was either in college or it was right after I graduated and moved to Chicago. I think back and I wonder if I was being cheap, but I have always done other things to help out bc I couldn't give as much.

It's a shame that there's such pressure on guests to 'cover' their plates. We're the ones who chose the reception location and shouldn't expect guests to make up the cost. JMO

Now how would anyone know the price of there plate? Being a guest and all?
I give what I can afford at the time.
I try to be as generous as I can.
I hate that other people think that a guest should have to cover the expense of who ever is throwing the wedding.
We paid for our wedding ourselves and by no means expected to make our money back. I am very proud of the fact that we paid and everyone invited had a wonderful time.

Are you having a wedding to make money, or 'charging at the door'??
I hope not, two people have a wedding to celebrate there love for one another with people that they love.
I live in VA and FH lives in NY. We are getting married in NY. But the many guest will be from VA, there it is not traditional to give a monetary gift or even a large gift no matter how elaborate the wedding is. It is the thought that counts and that they want to spend this special day with you!

It really upsets me that people are whining over getting very nice gifts.
Remember people are raised very different, what is expected in one household may not be the norm in another.
Be grateful for what you have and for family and friends. Many people don't have what many of us have (family and friends).

People give what they can. People may appear to have $, but you never what's going on behind the scenes.

The only thing I have a problem with is that the 28 & 30 year old cousins should give a gift separate from their parents.
If they are singel, and got you soemthigntogether, thats'one thing, but not with their parents. My brother doesn't havea lot of moeny & he is 30 & lives home, but he always gets me a birthday present separate from my parents, like a cd or shirt, and for our engagment he gave us the coffee pot from out registry.. .It really is the thought that counts, and tagging on with your parents, just isn't very thoughtful, IMO.



ETA: i also have a 28 year old cousin that isn't really in the loop with family things & sending cards & such & his mom sent me a gift from him.
She didn't have to do that, but I guess she realized he was too old to tag on to her gift, but he wouldn't get around to doing it on his own.

---

Posted by ChristineC68

IMO, a gift is gift. I am from this area and have a hard time with the cover your plate mentality. Does this mean if I am invited to a backyard Bbq wedding reception I give $25, no! I give based on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford regardless of where the wedding is.

I would never presume to guess what people can afford and not afford. If I did that I would get myself a big fat raise from my boss

---

well to be honest... backyard receptions can cost well over $100 a plate
someone i know just had one and it was about $130 a plate

on another note
this is funny...we all say we arent expecting anything... come on
this is natural... it isnt expecting it is just the way we think because it is what we think we would do

for those that said you dont expect a dime... dont even say you wouldnt be disappointed if someone didnt give you a gift or you wouldnt think it was odd

i think this subject is funny.... it always comes up and people say things but until it happens to each of us...........

i think it is embarassing to the person who gives you such a cheap gift... but then again maybe they dont know any better
i never knew a wedding would cost a down payment for a house!!!!!!!

i understand where you are coming from.... especially family
but dont stress there are worse tthings in life
just make sur eyou write it down and next affair they have... make sure you return the generosity

I am in the in vein that people should definitely at least cover the plate if possible. Couples have to shell out so much for a wedding (and parents too if they are involved), people should at least have the decency to do that. And family without a question should give a lot more. Just to add, I definitely feel if someone does not have a lot of money, they should not feel pressured to give more. It usually is the people with more money that are cheap anyhow. As for knowing the cost of the plate, I know people would not know that, but anyone who thinks for example that $75 for 3 people is reasonable is just wrong. As for people in Long Island thinking that people should cover the plate, I agree with that only in the sense that people should give more at NY than out of state because the weddings cost more her.

I do not expect to recoup the cost of the wedding but would be disappointed if certain people were not too generous(not ones that can't afford it). To me its not the money, just the fact that I felt that they did not think too much of me

I don't think you can expect people to cover their plate because (1) just b/c you decide to have a super fancy wedding isn't their problem, (2) they may not be able to afford it, and (3) how would they know what it costs per plate?

I do, however, think that if they have the money and have an idea of what you are spending, then they should gift accordingly. I mean, if you have money and you know the person spent $200 per person, you should at least try to give $100 - $200 per person. But if you don't have it, you don't have it - many of my guests don't have it and I'll be thrilled to have them there even without a gift.

You also have to consider people from different states - my friends from MA think that giving money for a wedding is in bad taste, and those that do give money, give $50 max and that is a VERY generous gift there. Granted, reception halls cost much less there but if these same people then come to my wedding, how will they know to give me $200??

---

Posted by jill13bean

---

Posted by ChristineC68

IMO, a gift is gift. I am from this area and have a hard time with the cover your plate mentality. Does this mean if I am invited to a backyard Bbq wedding reception I give $25, no! I give based on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford regardless of where the wedding is.

I would never presume to guess what people can afford and not afford. If I did that I would get myself a big fat raise from my boss

---

well to be honest... backyard receptions can cost well over $100 a plate
someone i know just had one and it was about $130 a plate

---

I guess it's a very good thing I would never give $25 as a wedding gift.

But it sort of proves the point that as a guest you have no idea what the plate costs.

---

Posted by ChristineC68

---

Posted by jill13bean

---

Posted by ChristineC68

IMO, a gift is gift. I am from this area and have a hard time with the cover your plate mentality. Does this mean if I am invited to a backyard Bbq wedding reception I give $25, no! I give based on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford regardless of where the wedding is.

I would never presume to guess what people can afford and not afford. If I did that I would get myself a big fat raise from my boss

---

well to be honest... backyard receptions can cost well over $100 a plate
someone i know just had one and it was about $130 a plate

---

I guess it's a very good thing I would never give $25 as a wedding gift.

But it sort of proves the point that as a guest you have no idea what the plate costs.

---

hahah this so true.... i was flabergasted when she told me

---

Posted by 1017Bride

I am in the in vein that people should definitely at least cover the plate if possible. Couples have to shell out so much for a wedding (and parents too if they are involved), people should at least have the decency to do that. And family without a question should give a lot more. Just to add, I definitely feel if someone does not have a lot of money, they should not feel pressured to give more. It usually is the people with more money that are cheap anyhow. As for knowing the cost of the plate, I know people would not know that, but anyone who thinks for example that $75 for 3 people is reasonable is just wrong. As for people in Long Island thinking that people should cover the plate, I agree with that only in the sense that people should give more at NY than out of state because the weddings cost more her.

---

So you think that because a wedding is in NY the couple deserves more of a gift? I gotta tell you, being from out of state, if we were invited to a NY wedding there is no way possible we'd be able to 'cover our plates.' That'd probably be half of our weekly income! I'd give the same amount as if I were going to a friend's wedding at home. That is what we can afford. And if someone were expecting more from us, I wouldn't want to be at their wedding anyway.

thanks guys- I appreciate the back-up! As Jillbean said above, everyone SAYS that they don't expect anything but come on- everyone does! When you go to weddings and similar events, you give a gift and you expect people to do the same when it's your event. I don't think there is anything wrong in saying that you expect a gift or are disappointed when you get a really cheap gift from people that you know are normally generous and who you have been generous with in the past. There is no need to make people feel badly because you do!

I don't think anyone is saying that our guests should cover the cost of the wedding- we all know that is ridiculous but like someone said above, to give $75 for 3 people (or $250 from 6 adults and 5 kids in my case) is ridiculous too! I appreciate the thought and the gift itself but it's a bit crazy when they are coming to a wedding & a rehearsal dinner too!

I never realized what a heated topic wedding gifts were til I got engaged. For the most part, the only weddings I've been to have been out of the tri-state area and, as someone else mentioned, the idea of giving cash is seen as tacky. To be quite honest, from anyone but my mother (dad is passed away) or FI's parents, I would feel awkward taking a check. I'm sure I'll get over this by the wedding day But personally, I'd rather get gifts than money but this is also because I'm not looking to get a house anytime soon. And I'm also someone who is paying for a majority of the wedding. Also, not all of my friends make as much money as FI and I do and we're asking them to travel from as far away as California to be with us on our wedding. I'd much rather have them come with a cheap gift or a card than feel like they shouldn't bother showing up if they can't come up with $100-200 each. That being said, as a guest at a NY wedding, I'd be embarrassed to give $40 each. Not sure if any of you remember the dilemma I had a few weeks ago about my friends wanting to go in on a group registry gift of $150 for 3 people + guests. I wasn't comfortable giving so little, so I supplemented with a check from FI and me but I knew that money was an issue for my friends so I didn't tell them because I didn't want them to feel awkward.

I didn't care about the gifts. I was getting married and I was so happy that most of the people we invited were able to attend. I had some people who showed up empty-handed, I had some couples give us $50, and one who bought me the craziest looking vase I have ever seen. You know what, those are all people I love and I couldn't care less. The people who showed up empty-handed got a TY because I was thankful that they were there and the crazy vase was from my cousin and it is on display in my home because my cousin thought enough of me to chose something special for my DH and I.

Anyone who is 'expecting' a certain amount of money from each person is focusing on the wrong aspect of the day. It is about your guests' PRESENCE and not their PRESENTS

ETA: I don't think I would call anyone that attended my wedding 'cheap' as those are my close friends and family.