Brides Helping Brides ™ - why are people so cheap???

MindyL28 Posted: Jun 09, 2004 11:11 PM

why are people so cheap???

I am not a material person but I am just completely shocked at some of the gifts we have been getting for our wedding.

From one aunt, uncle and their 2 children who are my close 1st cousins (30 and 28 years old), we got 2 place settings of our china totalling $180. ?????

The worst--- we got our KitchenAid stand mixer ($250) from 6 of my first cousins and their 5 children- all of whom are coming to our wedding & rehearsal dinner. ?????

Now, I understand if people can't afford to give but they all have money- enough to at least cover their plate. I never knew them to be cheap but I am so offended and I think it's so rude to come to a wedding & rehearsal dinner and spend less than $50 per person (not including the kids!).

Am I the only one who feels this way? I would never go to a wedding, let alone that of a close relative or close friend, and give so little. What I am more upset about is that now I know I will look at them differently. How can I not? I Know I have to get over it and I am sure that I will but how can I really get over it completely? I love my cousins but this really offends me- they know better and the all have a lot of money- it's not a problem.

Am I the only one going through this???

nferrandi Posted: Jun 09, 2004 11:26 PM

Re: why are people so cheap???

We haven't gotten to that point yet, but I expect I will run into some similar situations, btu in all fairness, most people in my family don't have much money. I think if I were in your shoes I'd be a bit annoyed, but what can you do?! You certainly can't drive yourself crazy. Some people are just cheap with their money and some people are generous. It takes all types of people to make up the world.

BlondeJD Posted: Jun 09, 2004 11:33 PM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Are they from the NYC/LI area? I feel like most people outside our area don't really understand how expensive weddings are and that the gifts are usually priced accordingly. Some people just don't know. Have they spent more money for other family members' weddings?

september2004 Posted: Jun 09, 2004 11:36 PM

Re: why are people so cheap???

i don't 'expect' any gifts from my guests, so even a penny would be fine for me... i know i am not cheap, but some people may view my gifts on the 'low end' with respect to $$. i give what i can and am totally comfortable with it. how people can drop $200 here and there on a regular basis is beyond me. if i did that i would be in the poorhouse!

Stacey04 Posted: Jun 09, 2004 11:37 PM

Re: why are people so cheap???

I had a friend who came to our e-party emptyhanded. I hadn't been that close with her at the time, but she is the one who got me and FH together so I thought I would like her to be there. She didn't een give us a card. I asked my dad b/c her parents are friends of his and she said that she 'ordered' our gift. So now its 8 or 9 months later......?

THe point to me with her isn't a gift..its that she didn't even get us a card.

LovelyL Posted: Jun 10, 2004 12:03 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Posted by september2004

i don't 'expect' any gifts from my guests, so even a penny would be fine for me... i know i am not cheap, but some people may view my gifts on the 'low end' with respect to $$. i give what i can and am totally comfortable with it. how people can drop $200 here and there on a regular basis is beyond me. if i did that i would be in the poorhouse!

AGREED!

steph4777 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 12:05 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Try not to have the expection of gifts. My married friends have told me that I'll be sorely disappointed if I did. The wedding should be about celebrating the union of you and your FH. The gifts are just perks.

As for the value of the gifts, maybe that's all they could give at the time. Sometimes people have personal money problems that not everyone knows about.

Jax430 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 01:18 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Mindy-
I totally understand. Even though my wedding certainly isn't about gifts, we received a gift from seven people, 5 of whom are attending the wedding, that totals $240! These people have money....they always do a group gift from Tiffany's. I'm not terribly upset, b/c I just take it for what it is, but my mom is fuming!!!

julybride44 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 01:46 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Many people do not know what 'covering a plate' costs, nor should they be expected to do so. Your wedding is a party you throw for yourself and your loved ones; don't expect to recover your costs. I got $100 from my sister and her family (of 4), for whom I paid about $750 to cover their plates...(and no they aren't poor-they just don't know what they are supposed to give) but I wouldn't have planned to spend that much if I needed others to cover it.

Many people just don't think spending the amount many of us spend on a wedding is necessary (and many can't even imagine what some of us spend), so they don't give that much.

Don't worry what people give, and just enjoy your day!

Julestrd Posted: Jun 10, 2004 01:56 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

To be honest until I started on this site I didn't know the whole 'cover your plate' rules either. I went to my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary last summer and we gave a card and $50. FH knew the rules and let me give that much. I felt bad later after finding out and now know WAY better since planning my own wedding.
I was thinking I would just send them ONE thank you card also for the ONE gift. Wouldn't you? I don't know the rules on this one either.

Rainmama Posted: Jun 10, 2004 08:01 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Posted by jenniesunshine

Are they from the NYC/LI area? I feel like most people outside our area don't really understand how expensive weddings are and that the gifts are usually priced accordingly. Some people just don't know. Have they spent more money for other family members' weddings?

I'm not from NY and I must say my jaw drops when I read about some of the gifts people there give and receive!!! Where I'm from it's pretty standard to give a wedding gift in the $50 range, any more than that is from relatives or EXTREMELY generous! I understand you all are spending a small fortune on your weddings, but please try not to focus on what people are giving you! I don't expect a damn cent at my wedding. I'm telling people that. I'm inviting these people because they are special to me and I to them. Since when do guests need to give enough to 'cover their plate?' If you can't afford a big wedding, don't have one.

brideinapril Posted: Jun 10, 2004 08:23 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Posted by september2004

i don't 'expect' any gifts from my guests, so even a penny would be fine for me... i know i am not cheap, but some people may view my gifts on the 'low end' with respect to $$. i give what i can and am totally comfortable with it. how people can drop $200 here and there on a regular basis is beyond me. if i did that i would be in the poorhouse!

I tend to agree with this - I put things on my registry that were reasonably priced. I know alot of people can't afford to drop $200 on a shower gift and then come to my wedding and give another gift.
I do agree that people that aren't from the NY area don't realize the prices here. I had someone only give me $15.00 in a wedding card. I didn't care because they are from the South where things aren't so pricey!

FrescaBride Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:00 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

I am not expecting any money from any of my guests but so far everyone has been overly generous with engagement gifts. Your wedding hasn't come around yet so maybe they will bring you $$ the day of the wedding. Maybe the place settings are an extra gift besides the monetary gifts they are bringing you the day of the wedding. I'm quite sure most of my guests will be generous with the exception of a few but I know who they are. But like I said, I'm not expecting anything. I think you need to focus on the joy of your marriage and not on the $$$. The way my FI and I see it is we are paying for our wedding and no expectations. I think and I might be wrong, there are people that want to make the money they spent for their wedding from their guests. Is this your case? I might be wrong but this is just my opinion.

patti08 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:37 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

While I think I am going to get slammed for this here goes...

I appreciate the thoughtfullness of somone giving a gift or a kind word not the value of this gift itself.

We are paying for our wedding entirely on our own and have always felt we aren't doing it to get gifts or money but to celebrate the beginning or our lives together.

This is one stress that brides and grooms really shouldn't let bother them. If it does maybe it's time to re-evaluate what the day is all about.

MindyL28 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:43 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

It's not that I expect gifts but, actually, I sort of do from my family. We have a lot of family events and we always give gifts. What am I supposed to give their kids when they have bar mitzvahs, $30? I would never do that because that is not me but how can I justify giving more? Plus, my family gave each of these couples a really generous gift for their own weddings.

These people are from the tri-state area of Florida and know better. They have the money and I just can't figure out why they would be so cheap. I wonder if they know they are even being cheap.

There are some people I don't expect gifts from but that is not the case with these people. Although it may be different in other parts of the country, it is expected that you at least try to give a reasonable gift at a wedding and I am sorry but $250 from 6 adults and 5 kids is not reasonable in my opinion- especially from people that have money.

And another thing- we went so far out of our way to make sure this wedding would be kid friendly- mostly for these kids. These are the only kids we are inviting and I have done so much to accomodate them, including making each of them a goody bag filled with fun things to keep them busy. I am not asking for anything in return but I am just so shocked at this.

OK- I am done venting. I vented a lot with my mom last night. She was upset and a bit embarrassed too.

itsbouttime Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:47 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Posted by patti08

While I think I am going to get slammed for this here goes...

I appreciate the thoughtfullness of somone giving a gift or a kind word not the value of this gift itself.

We are paying for our wedding entirely on our own and have always felt we aren't doing it to get gifts or money but to celebrate the beginning or our lives together.

This is one stress that brides and grooms really shouldn't let bother them. If it does maybe it's time to re-evaluate what the day is all about.

could not have said it better on how we went into the entire wedding process!!! We paid for it ourselves, and were happy to walk into the day with no bills remaining. We utterly enjoyed ourselves more that day by knowing it was paid for and not worrying one minute what was in any of our cards.

chichila15 Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:48 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

question... these are gifts from the bridal shower, right? And from your avatar, u're getting married on 7/4.. maybe your guests are splitting costs. They've given you gifts already, and then possibly plan to give $ on ur wedding???

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Getting a gift to me truly is about the thought.
But what gets to me sometimes is when I don't get a gift which is fine but not even a card. That bothers me. A card is a very special gesture to me and when I don't even get that, that sort of bugs me.

hbradio Posted: Jun 10, 2004 09:54 AM

Re: why are people so cheap???

Posted by steph4777

Try not to have the expection of gifts. My married friends have told me that I'll be sorely disappointed if I did. The wedding should be about celebrating the union of you and your FH. The gifts are just perks.

As for the value of the gifts, maybe that's all they could give at the time. Sometimes people have personal money problems that not everyone knows about.

I completely agree!