Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

MRSJLK Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:44 PM

Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

I can't stand it when you are telling someone close to you something that you decided and they just assume that you are asking them for their advice/opinion. especially when the advice they are giving you is putting your decision down.

So far since we've been engaged I've heard negative comments about:

choosing a band instead of a DJ
choosing where to go for our honeymoon
Where we are moving to
Trust me the list goes on

I also had a close friend of mine say that I am going to BORED when I am married

It just makes me so mad, why can't people just let you live your life and trust you to make good decisions and just be happy for you

Has this been happening to anyone else??

DMcK Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

It happens all the time. Hang in there, it is part of the process (though that doesn't make it any easier!).

brideinapril Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:47 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

This is my life! - People have to do that to make themselves feel better - I just 'yes' everybody to death, and moved on.
As you can see I am already married, but this continues in every aspect of my life.!!!!

CaCRmr Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:48 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

I hear ya, I have a woman at work who THINKS she knows EVERYTHING about a wedding (even though she got married 40 yrs ago) she continues to tell me, 'Oh you wouldn't want to do that, trust me, do this...'

It's very annoying but fortunately it will be over soon (for me anyway) I would recommend just telling people straight out, 'This is how I've always wanted my wedding to be and this is how it is.' It's easier said than done but if they think your making a mistake by hiring a band instead of a DJ then it's YOUR mistake....not theirs.

Good Luck

sarahthegreat Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:51 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

it happened to us when we said our wedding was in 2006. 'so far away.' is all that anyone said. just don't pay attention to them and do what you want. hang in there.

Bride22BB Posted: Oct 07, 2004 01:54 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Yeah I get that all the time, I just don't pay anyone any mind.. it's like you are scared to tell anyone your date because of the reaction, so far away, alot could happen by then...Please anyway...lol

Bunnymonkey Posted: Oct 07, 2004 02:14 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

I'm sorry you feel crappy!

I nod and smile at most of them. Their opinion does not mean squat to me, so I don't take it seriously.

People who feel the need to tell you what to do often have no control over their own life and are unhappy - this is their way of exerting control and bringing others down. IGNORE THEM!

It's not worth it!

buckles Posted: Oct 07, 2004 02:20 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Oh yeah I get that constantly! Hang in there...it only gets worse unfortunately, from what I have experienced. It has seemed like everything detail about your wedding is an invitation for advice and criticism some good some bad but lots unwarranted.

RobNette Posted: Oct 07, 2004 02:30 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

this was an everyday activity for a while for me!

I had one of my BMs turn her nose up at the 'almonds in tulle', then same BM wouldn't stop complaining about her dress and actually told me that she thought it was 'Stupid' for me to pick the dress color based on the flowers i wanted!
I was like 'IT'S MY WEDDING!!!!'

OH OH!!!..the best, is the constant coments I recieved my WHOLE engagement from STRANGERS:

'OH..your getting married??? Aren't you a little young?' and 'How old are you?!?'

don't worry, you are not alone!

nicpizzo Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:03 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

It happens all the time. You just want to say 'SHUT UP,' but you smile and go on your way. Just hang in there

HearzBellz Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:18 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Donna Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:19 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

It's def. hard to deal with

my motto was 'If you don't like it, don't come'

MRSJLK Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:33 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Posted by Bunnymonkey

People who feel the need to tell you what to do often have no control over their own life and are unhappy - this is their way of exerting control and bringing others down. IGNORE THEM!

It's not worth it!

I know, that is what my FH tells me when I get upset about it.

MRSJLK Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:36 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Posted by RobNette

I had one of my BMs turn her nose up at the 'almonds in tulle', then same BM wouldn't stop complaining about her dress and actually told me that she thought it was 'Stupid' for me to pick the dress color based on the flowers i wanted!

Being called your 'Stupid' is the worst. My friend literlly told me that we were 'stupid' for deciding to go to St. Lucia for our Honeymoon - who is she to make a comment like that - it's fine to have your own opinion but to call someone Stupid - I just don't get it

HearzBellz Posted: Oct 07, 2004 04:10 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Posted by Soontobekunz

Posted by RobNette

I had one of my BMs turn her nose up at the 'almonds in tulle', then same BM wouldn't stop complaining about her dress and actually told me that she thought it was 'Stupid' for me to pick the dress color based on the flowers i wanted!

Being called your 'Stupid' is the worst. My friend literlly told me that we were 'stupid' for deciding to go to St. Lucia for our Honeymoon - who is she to make a comment like that - it's fine to have your own opinion but to call someone Stupid - I just don't get it

At the risk of giving you unsolicited advice I would definately stay away from the negativity.

Sorry, I know you were just venting, but your wedding is too important to be dragged down

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Oct 07, 2004 04:14 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Yeh I get it all the time!!

I love when I get an FM or an email with Divorce Stats according to age. Some people think I am too young, I think those people can go scratch!

jvs77 Posted: Oct 07, 2004 05:12 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

Don't pay any attention to them. The bottom line is - it's Your wedding, not theirs! You and your FH's opinions are all that matter. There is no way to please everyone, so just focus on pleasing yourselves.

The best comment that we heard, (from those who were unhappily married or divorced) - 'Oh you're getting married? Why? It's all downhill from there.'

MRSJLK Posted: Oct 07, 2004 05:21 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

THANKS EVERYONE! I know i shouldn't let them bother me. It is just annoying

FrescaBride Posted: Oct 07, 2004 05:34 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

I live by this.....
If someone gives me an advice...I listen first and then I take in consideration Who is giving me the advice. I'd thank them and according to whom it is, then I will decide if I will even entertain the thought of considering whatever they said...if not....in my mind will be without voicing to anyone...'what was that you said..Oops I already forgot'

Russo'sbride Posted: Oct 07, 2004 05:52 PM

Re: Why do people find it's ok to give you advice when you don't even ask for it??(long)

believe me this always happens to me. It has to be the most annoying thing ever. There are people who try to tell you what to do even if you don't ask them or bring up the wedding issue. I know a lot of those people. They say 'don't go with this one they are to expensive' or 'why are you doing that thats a waste of money'. You just have to learn to ignore them and block out what they say and do not make any response to what they say. If you keep giving info, it gives them more of a reason to bring up wedding issues and to be critical. I would never bring up or try not to bring up any of the details w/ these people. I made a mistake of telling details to people to early on, that gives them a great oppurtunity to give their opinions even when its one you don't agree with. Ive learned to change that now I just don't bring up 'bands' 'flowers' 'centerpieces' or anything that has to do with spending $$$$$$. Its not anyones business what you want or what you will be spending.