Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Original post by nicopico13
I keep going back and forth with this. My parents are paying for the hall, we are paying for everything else and MIL is paying 0. Do you think it will cause drama if the invites mention my parents and not FH's. Like 'Mr. and Mrs. so and so request the honor of your presence to the wedding of their daughter to....' ?? Do you think I should keep the invite neutral and not mention parents? part of me feels like my parents should get a little acknowledgement on the invites but you know how MIL can be!
kaluvsjk
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. In this case, if you don't want to include his parent's names...DON'T!! I'm in a similar situation and probably won't include their names on the invite. If I do, it will be '...son of Mr. and Mrs.....' Definitely don't stress yourself out about this!!
JozyLee123
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
My parents (father & stepmother) contributed a little, his parents contributed a little more and we pretty much are footing the bill. My mother passed so I was not comfortable only acknowledgeing my father and stepmother and not my mother considering the money my mom left me helped pay for a HUGE amount of the wedding, so, with all that said this is how I decided to word the invites:
Together with their parents Jozy Lee Name and Michael Ben Name invite you to join them as they begin blah blah blah
Hope that helps!
thelastresort
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I did:
Mr. & Mrs. Brides parents invite you to marriage of bride to groom son of Mr & Mrs. grooms parents
kirstenjk
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It probably will cause drama with your FMIL if you don't include her name on the invitations, however, etiquette wise you should only include the names of those who are paying for the wedding. It really comes down to how much drama you and your FH are willing to deal with. And, yes, your parents do deserve lots of recognition for all that they are doing for you.
A thought - you could thank your FMIL for her 'love and support through out these past years, months, whatever' in your ceremony programs. That way she gets some recognition and might soothe any ruffled feathers.
MyLobster
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Ok...I JUST had this convo with my mom. MIL is paying for rehursal dinner and that's it. I made a sample invite and included FH's parents names. My parents actually noticed and mentioned that they were so happy we included them. They said they think it's rude if they weren't included just because they weren't paying. I would add it...it won't kill anyone and honestly noone looks into the invites that closely. Good luck...very touchy subject
KristiAnn923
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Posted by Future Pepper
Posted by zoe282
I am in a similar situation although FIL's are paying for small things like DJ and such. My parents are paying for the reception. So i am doing this..
Mr and Mrs so and so request the honor of your presence for the marraige of their daughter so and so to So and so Son of Mr and Mrs. So and so
Thereofre their names are on it, but people know who's hosting the party...and they can't get offended
good one!
This is perfect! I am in a similar situation. My parents are paying for the hall and FH and I are paying for everything else. His mom is giving us her contribution at the engagement party so we will see how much they give us but since my parents are paying for more than half they get the credit ... sorry FMIL
madseason
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
This caused so much of a problem it took me 3 hours and a ton of stress before i ordered the invites.
Yes, traditionally its about money. But lets step away from the money for a second. IMO its not about the money, its about respect. I think alot of pressure is being palced upon whos giving what exactly...
remember...no one has to give anyone anything!
Honestly, I would put mr and mrs smith request your presence ....weddng of their daughter mary to tom jones.
Or Sally Smith and Tim Jones together with their parents invite you.
I just dont think it should be all about whos giving and whos not..even tho ppl have money, we dont know exactly why they cant!
LeslieMike
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Posted by zoe282
I am in a similar situation although FIL's are paying for small things like DJ and such. My parents are paying for the reception. So i am doing this..
Mr and Mrs so and so request the honor of your presence for the marraige of their daughter so and so to So and so Son of Mr and Mrs. So and so
Thereofre their names are on it, but people know who's hosting the party...and they can't get offended
Thats what I did. FIL's aren't paying for anything, so I threw them in at the bottom because it isnt worth the argument, but they dont need to be at the top like they are hosting anything!
mrsdraskin2009
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I think it would definitely cause drama. Just because she's not kicking in $$$ doesn't mean she shouldn't be mentioned. FMIL might not kick in with our wedding, but we are totally OK with that and would never NOT mention her on the invite.
jtgarsik
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
if she's not paying ANYTHING then she should not get offended. it's just simply ettiquette to word it that way. if u keep it neutral and not mention ANY parents, then i think ur parents may be hurt. If MIL is offering ANY money(even if it's just paying for 1vendor) then i think u should include her...but if she's offering nothing then dont worry about it. she's a grown woman - she should already know this..and if for some reason she doesn't then just explain it to her nicely. in all honesty though, i dont think it should cause a problem.. good luck!
jtgarsik
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Posted by PegaLega
You dont have to put her new husband on the invite, just put son of.........................he doesnt have to be on it. If you are worried about her feelings or his getting hurt ask FH what he thinks about it? And go from there
agreed
jtgarsik
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
ps: if u do end up including them - ask dh if he'd prefer his father mentioned, or mil's new husband. u can always word it
'Mr. & Mrs. so & so request the honor of ur precense at the marraige of their daughter to (dh's name)...son of (mil's name) & the late (fh's fathers name)'
again good luck!
nicopico13
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Girls, I can't thank you enough for all your input! I talked to FH about it and he said his mom would be 100% hurt if we didn't include her and he wants to include her so I told him we could do the ...son of so and so, but that I did not want her new husband on it and he agreed and doesn't want him on it either.
So if her name was, lets say, Jane Doe and now its Jane Smith do we put 'son of Jane Smith'?
JulyBride728
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Neither of our parents are paying, so as to not offend anyone we put on our invites:
Together with our Parents Ms. (Brides Full Name) & Mr. (Groom's full name) Request the honor etc.......
diva7531
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
You can say MRs and Mrs Bride invite you to the wedding of their Daughter, Nic O Bride to Jay R Groom son of Mr and Mrs Groom...... HTH
diva7531
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Posted by nicopico13
Girls, I can't thank you enough for all your input! I talked to FH about it and he said his mom would be 100% hurt if we didn't include her and he wants to include her so I told him we could do the ...son of so and so, but that I did not want her new husband on it and he agreed and doesn't want him on it either.
So if her name was, lets say, Jane Doe and now its Jane Smith do we put 'son of Jane Smith'?
Yes, Mrs Jane Smith would be fine
jtgarsik
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Posted by nicopico13
Girls, I can't thank you enough for all your input! I talked to FH about it and he said his mom would be 100% hurt if we didn't include her and he wants to include her so I told him we could do the ...son of so and so, but that I did not want her new husband on it and he agreed and doesn't want him on it either.
So if her name was, lets say, Jane Doe and now its Jane Smith do we put 'son of Jane Smith'?
yep! u'd put her new name & his late father if he wanted him included.
Mici n KC
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
You don't have to put the name. If you want you can put:
Mr & Mrs (your parents) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter (your first and middle name) to (FH's full name) son of FMIL
FutureMrs.T
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
Since we are paying for the bulk of the wedding we are doing:
Together with their families
Kristen . . . . and Steven . . . .
Request the honour of your presence . . .
rmsgirl
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Re: Will this or has this caused drama with the good old MIL?
I would use her current married name. Not using it would be hurtful to her new husband.
