handled going back to work after your maternity leave. I'm having an anxiety attack over having to go back to work and leave my beautiful angel all day ... We met with the sitter this week & while she's great & I know that Maria will be fine & in very good hands, I just can't believe that I have to do this.
Then there's a whole set of worries about how she'll be cared for while she's away from me. Will she cry? Will she be paid attention to when she does? Will she miss me? I guess I'm going through the guilts about having to go back ...
How did you get through this?
Junebride
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I'm not sure about your situation but I too had to go back to work. However, I work in my town and can come home for lunch which makes all the difference in the world. I went back slow - started with 3 days and now I work 4 days. The biggest adjustment was getting used to someone else taken care of her. My husband is home some of the days I work and even that is sometimes an adjustment. You get used to things being done your way and no one can do it exactly like Mommy. Try and get up early so you have sometime with her in the morning. I put her to bed at night at 9:00 so this way I have a few hours with her at night when I get home. Most stay at home moms put the baby to sleep at around 7:00 or 8:00. It's important to feel that you are spending time with them eachday. I have her on my computer screen so this way I get to look at her all day. I don't have the best advice but all I can say is you can do it. It's been about 10 months for me and I still complain sometimes. It's very hard working and being a full time mom too. It takes a lot of energy and a lot of hard work. I don't know if you can - but if you can even get our early oneday a week - it makes all the difference in the world. Please let us know how it goes... and good luck. Just remember - you can still be the best mom ever - I have read it in the books - and I think it's very true... it's the quality of the time you spend with your children not the quanity.
anna
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine, just wanted to send you some big hugs Junebride gave you some great advice, and I TOTALLY agree, its the quality of that precious time you spend with her. and I KNOW you are and will always be an amazing mommy !!!!
NIHA
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine, there's no doubt that it will take getting used to. I agree that Junebride's advice is great, and when you are with your baby, I'm sure you'll make the most of it. Just enjoy her. I think when you go back to work you will be able to connect with other working moms that you will be able to share your concerns with.
jenny11.9
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine, no advice for you on this front - but I do want you to know that I feel for you and I am sure there are a lot of women on this board that will give you some solid advice. I am sure that you chose an excellent caregiver, and with time this will become easier and easier.
Sorry I can't be more of a help....
JennRenee
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I'm totally feeling your pain. When's your first day back??
Kathi
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I switched careers to work P/T b/c I didn't want to commute to Manhattan 5 days/week. I honestly don't know how mommies who work F/T do it.
We're lucky that DH gets to be with him when I'm at work, so we save $$ and we're his only caregivers. I miss him desperately, but I know that I have to work and NEED to work. As far as going back F/T, I hope I don't have to do that until he's married!!
Good luck, Christine.
NuBride
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Hi Christine, I had to go back to work when Mia was 6 weeks old , it was tough but I have to say, the first few weeks I called home constantly to see how the baby was and the times that I heard her cry on the other end of the phone was HORRIBLE, I had to get off the phone so I couldn't hear her cry.
I didn't ease back into work, I went back to a full 40 hour work week plus commuting. The guilt was unbelievable but I have to say it does get better. Trust me.
Mia is now 6 months old and although I miss her during the day, I know I am doing a good job as a Mom and I do spend quality time with her at night and she sures knows who 'Mommy' is. In the beginning I would 'double check' her diaper to see if the sitter cleaned her right, I would see if her wash cloth was damp to see if the sitter was washing her face and hands..I would look around the house to see if her toys were out ,hoping she would play with the baby during the day, I would check the VCR to see if her Baby Einstein tapes were played.
It's stinks but this is what you go through in the beginning...just be straight forward with the sitter and let her know what you want done during the day, don't be afraid to ask if she played with the baby, etc.
At six months I enjoy my time away from home, of course I would prefer if it was 3 days a week instead of 5 but you do manage and everything does work out. You will be fine.
Misha
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Junebride's advice is right on. I have been working full time since my son was 4 weeks old. The hardest times were the first 3 months, especially because hormones are involved! It does get easier but I won't lie to you, there are plenty of days it is not so easy. Your daughter will probably adjust quicker than you will. As long as you are comfortable with your caregiver, she is in good hands. You, however, will be the one to miss her more. Now I do think this changes as the baby gets older (i'm not there yet but I've been told around 2 years old they start the 'don't leave me mama' routine and I am sure that is going to be 10 times harder than when they are little and don't communicate in the same way!) I wish you the best and trust that it will get a little easier (it will never be completely easy--you will just appreciate the time you do have with your little one 100 times more!) once you get into a routine. As far as my routine goes: He gets up about 7am and my husband usually changes him and gives him his bottle while I shower and get ready for work, then I play with him until 8 when I have to leave. I get home around 6pm and he has already eaten dinner and so I eat and play with him at the same time, then I usually play with him until bedtime, which we take turns doing but when I do, I read him books, play with him, put him in his jammies and rock him for a bit while talking to him. Unfortunately, he goes to bed at about 7:30 (Unfortunately, I can't get him to stay up later so I don't get a lot of time). Anyway, you will find a routine that works for you and don't worry, it will all fall into place.
ILT1221
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I have a long ways to go for this but believe me Christine I feel your pain. This is something that I am already worried about and its a great sense of sadness for me, that I will have to go back to work. To make matters worse I don't have a long maternity leave b/c I have been here for under a year so I will have to go back to work after 6 weeks. I try to find solace in the fact that my MIL will watch the baby but its already bothering me. Sorry I have no advice...I just wanted to say I sympathize deeply.
shamma
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine, you are not the first and you will not be the last. All mothers I think go thru this, and I am sure you will get past this, one day at a time.
I was just discussing this recently, how quickly women have to go back to work, it makes me wonder will I be ready when I have to. The good thing is that my aunt will be in our home taking care of the baby.
I know you found a good caregiver and that should at least give you a little peace of mind. I wish you all the best. It will get better, I have heard this cry from a lot of mothers.
Samanthas Mom
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Irenie- if you start saving some money now... you are allowed by law to take 12 weeks unpaid leave.............. they pay you for 6 weeks? that is very good
MrsERod
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I went thru the same exact thing - I had 4 months off for maternity and was dreading coming back to work... I still wish I hadnt...
Jenn P
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Posted by tammyjill
Irenie- if you start saving some money now... you are allowed by law to take 12 weeks unpaid leave.............. they pay you for 6 weeks? that is very good
There's lots of loopholes to that law, though, and being at a company less than a year is one of them.
Irene, maybe you could work something out with your boss?
christine1221
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Thanks everyone for words of support & advice. I think it really surprised me most of all to really love being home. I always thought I would be one of those people who would be dying to get back to the routine, etc. But these last few months have been so wonderful, I wish we were able to get by on DH's salary so I could stay home full time.
I'm a teacher, which is a plus ... I'll be in the parking lot at 3:05, when the bell rings ... at the sitter's by 3:30! Even so, the thought of being away from her every day for that long is hard.
I know I will adjust to our life & she will certainly be fine. I'm trying so hard not to focus on how little time we have & just enjoy the rest happily. Easier said than done!
JennRenee ... First day back is March 9th. When's yours ... you're going back this year also, right?
DaniRN
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
I have also been thinking about how stressful this is going to be and i'm not due till August! I only work 3 nights a week but they are grueling hours-8pm-8 or 9am. I am nervous that I am just going to be so over tired that I am not going to function right at work-and I have the type of job that you always need to be clear headed and on top of things god forbid a patient goes bad, etc...
Obviously I have seen other nurses in the same situation as me so it is definately possible and thankfully I have lots of family members willing to babysit during the day for a few hours so I can get some rest.
Yikes, now I went on a tangent without even answering your question! Sorry, guess I just neede to vent my feelings too over my anxiety
anna
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine, you can also look forward to the years ahead where you'll have the same schedule as your children, thats what IM looking forward to and Im not even teaching yet
Your kids at school need you too!
Emmasmom
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Leaving Emma was the hardest thing I had to do in my life (even harder than labor). And 5 months later it is still difficult. You just have to remember that you are working because you want your baby to have a good life.
Somedays Emma comes home and she is not as clean as I would like her to be or her hair is a mess etc.. But I have learned that those things are not important. What is important is that she is being taken care of and I dont have to worry about her safety. I know that the babysitter loves her and that she is in good hands each day.
Your baby knows you love her, seek comfort in that. There is no closer bond than a mommy and her baby. The baby will handle it fine, probably better than you will. good luck, I will be thinking of you.
Lee
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
Christine - All the advice given to you is wonderful. I am lucky that I am only working in the office one day a week, but even that is hard! You are a wonderful Mommy and as others have already said, the quality of the time spent with your sweetie is the most important thing - that and having a sitter you trust!
Your baby will always know who Mommy is and how much you love her! You love her enough to sacrifice your time with her to give her the best life you can...that is a huge gesture of love. I know it is hard to leave, but believe me, the smile you will get when you get home to her is worth it!! Good Luck!!
michele31
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Re: Working mom's ... please tell me how on earth you
My first day back is 3/1-I have worked out an arrangement with my boss to be in the office 1 day per week, and work from home with Molly the rest. I am VERY lucky that he said he was fine with this arrangement. But even worrying about work now just plain stinks. Just taking care of Molly, the house, Beemer and a husband is enough for ANY women IMO. I will do my best and if the kitchen floor isn't washed 2x a week anymore, well it isn't.
Give yourself time to adjust. I don't think that moms are just back to normal when work starts again. It takes time and probably a lot of tears. Maybe if you make a list of pros and cons about working it will help you.
