Would this pi$$ you off?

Danielle623 Posted: Aug 09, 2008 12:45 AM

Would this pi$$ you off?

I had 2 members of my bp here tonight and I was caught up in a conversation at the table with one of their boyfriends when I overheard one of the BM's tell the other that she wasn't sure she can attend my batch party because she didn't think she can get off to go. There have been plans in the works AND reserved for AC in late September. These plans were made in APRIL. All the members of my BP knew about it since the planning began. She proceeded to tell the other that she's been taking a lot of time off lately (to go to concerts and weekend jaunts with her boyfriend) and since it was AC that we'd be going to, she'd have to take off not only Saturday but Sunday too since we are staying overnight. She is a HAIR DRESSER. I'm mad because:

1. Plans were made so long ago and so far in advance.
2. She never said it was because of money
3. If she knew about this why not arrange your time so that you can avoid taking so many weekends off before the batch party?

Am I overreacting? Be honest.

Wifeynella Posted: Aug 09, 2008 12:50 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

I understand being pissed. I'd probably be upset too. I don't think it would let it ruin your AC trip though.

Danielle623 Posted: Aug 09, 2008 12:54 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

It will def not ruin my time. It's just the principle. Plus, we've been friends for over 20 years which is why she is part of my BP to begin with. Just a big let down. But I was told at engagement by experienced people, to be prepared to see different sides of people who are involved in the wedding. didn't expect this though!

Kricket212 Posted: Aug 09, 2008 07:02 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

doing away trips is hard. I understand how you would feel. I guess since she is a hair dresser when her clients need her she doesn't want to keep taking off because trying to build it up. It's a tough call....she will miss all the fun & then have to hear about it later. She will regret it!

mRm2008 Posted: Aug 09, 2008 03:12 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

I am kind of in the same boat as you. I only have my MOH and one BM able to attend mine, but I'm trying not to be upset and make the best of it. We planned this back in March and still issues arose in the mean time. Sometimes life just gets in the way

wundmoretime Posted: Aug 09, 2008 03:26 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

If her husband/boyfriend and her work different schedules, because she works weekends, I can't blame her for taking time to be with him. I understand you being upset but BMs are asked to do a lot for us. Maybe, time off with her partner is more important than a bachelorette party that I know a lot of people don't care for. My MOH will be 8 months pregnant with twins and has no plans of participating. My FH and I work different schedules and it is hard at times, even a weekend getaway requires time off. One or the other has to take off to be together. IMO, I wouldn't make a big deal over it.

dedecakes Posted: Aug 09, 2008 04:24 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

I don't think I would be pi$$ed off, but I would be disappointed. One of my BMs (my cousin) only gets one day off a week...and it's not necessarily the weekend. I know she works extremely hard and although I would be very disappointed if she could not make it, I would understand.
I am considering having a bachelorette party the day or morning before our wedding...I do not want to go out and 'party'. I just want to relax at a spa with the gals. So, I think this will work out well for her (and other OOTers).

dedecakes Posted: Aug 09, 2008 04:25 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

If she is coming to your shower, I would say just let it go...if she can't make that, either...then I might be a little PO'ed.

kirstenjk Posted: Aug 10, 2008 10:38 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

You have a right to feel how you do. I wouldn't let your BM ruin your bachelorette party in AC - just go and have a good time. Don't waste your anger or let this increase your stress!

Not everyone stops to think how their actions might hurt another person. Most just have that 'she'll understand' attitude. We might 'understand' but it doesn't lessen the hurt and disappointment. (can you tell I am dealing with similar issues?)

soon2BMrsin08 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 11:28 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

Im in the same boat. I have 7 bridesmaids and 3 of them are out of state and my sis is away at school so i have only 3 to have my bach party with. Not the end of the world. It's life people have lives out side of our weddings.

lizzie217 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 11:34 AM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

I would feel bad and then I'd say ah what can you do...everyone cant make it to everything...if she could be there she would. Away bach parties are hard to do .

Butterfly123 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 12:53 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

I would be angry. Its not right that she's taken so much time off knowing about your upcoming bach party. Its very selfish of her but you know what? Screw her. She's gonna miss out on an awesome time and if she does decide not to come she will tell you herself and then you should confront her about it. A good friend would sacrifice a few weekends with her boyfriend to celebrate with a friend.

MKEA98 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 01:21 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

OK you asked for honesty so I'm going to be honest.

Like others said, I think you have a right to be disappointed, but I wouldn't get extremely mad, and I wouldn't let it ruin your time. Yes she probably should've thought about her time off a little bit more and tried to make sure she left days open for your BP.

However, it seems a bit harsh that you're getting on her for not taking off because she is a 'hair dresser'. I could've totally misinterpreted that part of your posting, but it almost gave off the impression that her job isn't really a big deal because she's a hair dresser. So I would say maybe there's a bit of overreacting going on there where you're looking at her job as if it's not a big deal to take off from it.

As I'm sure we all know, hairdressers are SO important. I'm sure any of us would be mad if our hairdresser wasn't available on the weekend for our weddings, hahaha. She probably makes a lot of her money on the weekends because it's busier, and esp with tips. Also, I got the impression that she mostly works a lot of weekends, so you can't get so mad at her for taking time off to be with the bf. They might have different schedules.

Weekend getaway BPs are hard. For us the bride, we tend to only think about our wedding, and think dropping a few hundred for a one time BP isn't a big deal. However, as a BM, if you end up being in several friends weddings over the years, the cost of those BPs can add up!!!!! And that's not to mention all the money you spend on being in the wedding, showers, etc.

The attitude I adopted for my BP was whoever can come, then come. I told my MOHs that I really won't be mad if people can't come, even if they're in the bridal party. I understand the BP is not everyone's scene, and I really only want fun people there who really want to be there that night, and not be worrying about the home, kids, money, etc, while we're out partying.

So like people have said. It's understandable to be disappointed, but I'd maybe let your friend slide. I don't think it's worth getting so upset over or starting a fight over.

HTH!

KKPK1004 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 01:23 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

yes..........I think you are over reacting. You have every right to be hurt. Let's face it, people just don't get how important this is to you. It isn't worth hurting your friendship over.

Butterfly123 Posted: Aug 10, 2008 01:45 PM

Re: Would this pi$$ you off?

IMO I dont think she was belittling her friend by mentioning she's a hairdresser. I think she did that to emphasize the fact that hairdressers most of the time can make up their own schedule and take off when they need to. Thats the impression I got from it. Most hairdressers I know that dont own a place, pay for their own spot at a salon and put up notices for their customers when they wont be able to show up.