My friend just got married last weekend. It was a destination wedding but she had 70 guests. She just told me that 94% of the people did not bring a gift.
Would you take offense or be understanding that they had to pay for airfare and a hotel room?
Dont give the politically correct answer..give your true feelings.
mishandgerard
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I would not be hurt. My cousin got married a year before I did and we had to travel from long island to albany. I had to leave college early (around 11am) t get to the hotel in time to start getting ready. Ran off to the wedding and had to drive back the next day. Between the drive, hotel, gift and everything else we spent at minimum $300. Plus I am not close to her. My wedding a year later, she came, but I only rec'd a gift of $150. She lives in the city and stayed with my aunt, so no expense for a hotel. Would you be insulted? Plus she was suposed to be a bridesmaid, but backed out 9months before with the excuse between being a newlywed, working and the distance(NYC) it would be too much!
suven
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
yup, I'd be hurt.
eogara
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
Posted by Robeymuse
That fact that they are coming means more to me.
Same here. I would have thought this would be everyone's thought process but I guess not.
marymoon
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I think the whole idea of a destination wedding is that you don;t expect guests to shell out $$ to come AND bring a gift. If I ahd a destination wedding (and I've thought about it) I'd only expect gifts from really really close family! However, if I went to a destination wedding, I'd still bring a card, and maybe a small gift that wasnt expensive. Still, I wouldn;t really ne hurt. I think usually the general idea is that with a destination wedding, coming IS the gift. I mean she ahd 70 people come..that's AMAZING!
ETA: I don't think the fact that it wanst somewhere 'exotic' should matter. I mean, to go to e regular wedding I need a dress and amanicure and a gift...for a destination wedding, no matter where it is, tack on to that expense AIRFARE and HOTEL..I mean that's a couple hundred bucks extra...IMO the couple hundred bucks I'd otherwise be spending on a gift.
september2004
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
Posted by eogara
Posted by Robeymuse
That fact that they are coming means more to me.
Same here. I would have thought this would be everyone's thought process but I guess not.
i know, i am a little baffled myself
Pookiesangel
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
Posted by jill13bean
ummmm well that is what happens when you have a destination wedding... i would be a little hurt but totally understand
you should at least get a card
Yep i agree, i would be hurt...but would totally understand..
AJsMommy122
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
Posted by SteffieSunshine1
I would be hurt.
If I was invited to a destination wedding, I would still have a gift as part of my budget.
If I couldn't afford to go, then I wouldn't, but I would not show up without a gift.
exactly!
butterfly20
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
realistically.....
being that it costs so much money i wouldnt be expecting a gift, but would expect a card congradulating us....
lc214
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
No matter where a wedding is - the gift is supposed to be the guest sharing in your wedding day. That said - yes it would be nice if everyone brought a gift to a wedding no matter where it is. But after spending money on airfare and hotel, I would completely understand if the guest did not bring a gift as well. And if they did, I would think it was overly generous.
SReidy
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
ditto- gifts are nice but if these people are people you truly care about I think I'd consider it a great compliment that they took enough time off and spent so much $$ just to get there to see you get married!!
sweetadeline
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I'd understand, but I'd still feel slightly hurt deep down inside. I just wouldn't say anything about the hurt feeling, because it does get expensive to attend destination weddings. A card would have been a nice gesture!
If I were attending a destination wedding, I'd still bring a gift.
Come to think of it, if I were HAVING a destination wedding, I'd probably tell my friends not to bring gifts. Most of my friends are seriously broke!
nsgraham
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I would be hurt.
I'm sorry, for a good amount of most guests, weddings are 'destination' weddings if they are OOT. Are OOT guests exempt from giving gifts? I don't see how this is any different. It would be different if it were international, because international flights cost more, but come on, New Orleans? I would expect at least a small gift from most people or a card or SOMETHING.
But once the wedding was called a 'destination,' people must have forgotten that New Orleans is IN AMERICA.
karen32
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
Posted by nsgraham
I would be hurt.
I'm sorry, for a good amount of most guests, weddings are 'destination' weddings if they are OOT. Are OOT guests exempt from giving gifts? I don't see how this is any different. It would be different if it were international, because international flights cost more, but come on, New Orleans? I would expect at least a small gift from most people or a card or SOMETHING.
But once the wedding was called a 'destination,' people must have forgotten that New Orleans is IN AMERICA.
well said! new orleans isn't THAT far from anywhere in the US. someone coming from CA to NY has a longer trip!!
cluelessbride
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I would honestly not be hurt. Honestly. I think I would have assumed that if people come, then there would not be a gift.
But if people didn't give a card or some kind of good wishes, then I'd be hurt.
janwinterbridejoy
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
i woulkd be a little hurt that they didnt at least give me a token gift.
Jo Ann
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
If I was a bride and decided to have a wedding where 70 people were going to have to travel b/c I decided to have it out of state I wouldn't want a gift from any of my guests. The amount of $$ that these people spent for Airfare, hotels, meals, clothing and everything else that goes along with any traveling is more than enough of a gift for me. Yes these people are getting a vacation out of it, but when I go on vacation I want to decide the location and what and when I do it. To me a destination wedding is not a vacation. Honestly if I was the bride at a destination wedding I would not expect any of the guests to bring presents and to sound a little cheesy their Prescence is presents enough.
PS She better send them all Thank you cards thanking everyone for traveling for her wedding even if there is not gift.
FrescaBride
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I think I'd be hurt. It is understandable that for Destination Weddings guests have more expenses but I think part of those expenses should be a gift to the Bride And Groom as they start their new life together. The gift should not probably be as generous as if the wedding was not a destination one but I think it is poor taste on those guests. I think that if the wedding would have been very far is more understandable but that is within the US. If I think of going to a Destination Wedding part of the expenses would include the gift to the Bride and Groom. I'd probably send the gift to the bride and groom ahead of time so that they don't have to worry about losing it etc. But I think I'd definitely give them something. And if the expenses were too high, the least is a card wishing them the very best that life has to offer. But that is just MHO.
skew
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
i think i would be somewhat hurt, especially if i didn't even receive a card
marymoon
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I don't think it matters if it's in the US or not. If it's a wedding where everyone has to travel it's a destination wedding. We were seriously considering getting married at walt disney world, which is in the US, and a common destination and there are many discounted flights, etc.. However, we knew that as a trade off we wouldnt get gifts. Honestly. We're going to have some OOT guests, but the only OOT people we're inviting who we think will come are close family...and if they'e that close, they're willing to spend the $$ on a gift anyway. I think with a destination wedding, you have a broader base of people coming form OOT some people who aren't so close to you and want to be there for your big day, but can't afford to drop a grand on your wedding. I also feel that it's just the commonly held notion that a gift is not required at a destination wedding. I mean think about it
RT: Aifare for 2 (At least) $400 Moderate hotel, 2 nights: $150 Food for 2 days: $150 Rental Car: $60 That's $760 (at a really conservative estimate)! In addition to time they may be missing from work and the normal wedding expenses:
Dress: $200 Nails: $10 Hair: $50
Honestly, that's a grand BEFORE the gift. I don't think it's fair to expect people to also bring a gift unless they're close close family who can afford it. I'd NEVER expect a friend or somewhat distant relative to spend that much $$!
BriBri529
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Re: Would you be hurt or just understanding?
I would be a little hurt . . . Yes, it is an expense on the guests to have a destination wedding, but the least they could have done was given her a smaller gift. Giving nothing is a bit 'wrong' - at least in my book it is . . .
