Would you be mad or offended if you asked someone to be in your bridal party and they said yes and then a few months later told you they couldnt afford it. And when you offered to pay for their outfit as their gift they said no. Im not sure how to react right now
And they are related to me through marriage and now might not even be coming to the church just the reception
Bebalina
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
No I would not be offended...mainly bc from what you've said so far, this person is lying about not being in it due to cost (since you offered to pay) - I wouldn't be offended bc I don't need ppl like that in my bridal party....
september2004
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
i would try to find out the 'real reason', it seems odd this person would pull something like this... is there something going on in her marriage you don't know about?
jenny2penny
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.
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KarenB
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I would say it depends on what you expect from her as a BM. If you let her know that you don't expect anything as far as $$ goes and she still doesn't want too, then I would be offended. Is it a pride issue maybe?
divabride
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I would be glad she told me ahead of time. At least she didnt tell you 4 months before the wedding. She might have other reasons that she doesnt feel comfortable devulging, but the situation could be worse. Could you just imagine if you were stuck paying for her dress, shoes, hair & makeup......Take this as a blessing in disguise.
AliKing
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
Thats a tough one.. I think I'd understand. Even though it was really sweet of you to offer to pay, they may be embarrassed that you would have to do that. There are other expenses to consider like the bridal shower and the bachlorette party.. that could also be why they declined?
nov.bride
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I think I would be ok w/ it if the BM's dresses where not ordered yet. As far as you offering to pay for dress- maybe this person didn't want to put you out -figuring you have enough expenses to worry about.. For her- she is probably thinking about dress, shoes, hair, makeup,shower, bachelorette party, gifts. I think its ok and would appreciate the honesty instead of blowing off thier part in your wedding party. JMO
nferrandi
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I would probably be offended, more because it doesn't sound like she cares about your wedding than that she can't afford it. I'm not sure I would be angry that she turned your offer to pay down, it's a pretty ****** feeling to have to take a 'handout' which is probably how she's sees it. I would probably talk her about her disinterest and be more concerned over that. If anything, maybe she could do a reading. That's if she decides to go to the ceremony.
GunnaMarryMyPrince
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
its actually not a bridesmaid its a groomsmen! My sister is going to be in the wedding and its her husband and he was supposed to be in it as well. They say he might not go to the church b/c they have two small kids that they dont want to leave with a babysitter and are afraid they will be a distraction at the church so he will stay home with them and then take them with him to the reception after
AliKing
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
With what you just said I would be upset. There is no reason not to come to the church. Children, no matter how small they are, are always in church!
dita531
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
i would be very upset. there has to be something else going on though..
just read your other post.. i guess i can kinda see their point. is their a problem wiht their kids and the babysitter? maybe they are a little wild(too loud for church/too much for a babysitter)? i'm just guessing here...
september2004
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
Posted by GunnaMarryMyPrince
its actually not a bridesmaid its a groomsmen! My sister is going to be in the wedding and its her husband and he was supposed to be in it as well. They say he might not go to the church b/c they have two small kids that they dont want to leave with a babysitter and are afraid they will be a distraction at the church so he will stay home with them and then take them with him to the reception after
well, that's a different story...
do you think the children will be a distraction at the church? i would try to work something out with your sister - address their concerns and come up with a solution. i wouldn't take offense right off the bat, i think it's nice of them to consider the kids as potentially being disruptive. can you arrange a babysitter to watch them at the church outside or in another room?
sophie78
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I wouldn't be offended. I don't think it is a big deal at all. It sounds like he is being considerate. Even if he is saying that as an excuse, I wouldn't be hurt. Some people just don't like those kind of things (esp. men).
sweetadeline
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I'd feel a little hurt, but not offended.
AJsMommy122
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I am in the same situation! I just found out my brother in law cant be in the bridal party since my sister already has her dress and her 14 year old daughters dress and everything like that. FH was a little sad but we both understand. -- we know better then anyone how tight money can get and dont want to put anyone into debt or make their lives uncomfortable for our wedding.
MrsBrad
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I was in a sorta similiar situation - I asked my little cousins to be my flowergirls and my aunt said no because it would be 'too much work' to have to get them ready and make sure they behave during the ceremony. I was really mad and upset, but I realized that it wasnt worth it. I dont need my aunt being all frazzled that day as she is worrying about the kids. In the end I picked my other cousin nad her mother was very excited that I asked - it was a much better choice
juju
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Re: Would you be mad/offended?
I would be offended. You are getting married in 2006?? She can offer to pay you back by putting money aside. And also, to tell you that she may not be able to make it to the Church. How does she know that now? It's 2004.
