Brides Helping Brides ™ - Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

KarenB Posted: Jul 07, 2004 11:54 AM

Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

What would you do if you had the choice? Assume you'd live in a 2 bedroom owned apartment.

Niecey Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:01 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

House

Donna Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:04 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

stay at home Mom

matron Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:05 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

stay at home mom

kpny622 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:12 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

It's a choice I have to make. And as much as I want to be a stay at home mom, I would have to choose the house. A house is a better investment for my children's future, AND living in an apartment our whole life isn't fair to them. I despise the fact that I'll have to leave my children every day in order to make money to pay bills but these days, that's the norm.

KarenB Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:16 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

KPNY:

I'm wondering what would be so bad. We have access to wonderful parks & beaches. Is it not better to live in a nice apartment and have money to vacation and live the life you want w/out having Mommy & Daddy worry about paying bills. Is a house & a yard really better than piece of mind and freedom to see Mickey & Minnie whenever you want.

I'm not second guessing your choice, just asking for advice about my own possible choices.

kpny622 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:28 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

I think it's totally and completely a personal choice. And a hard one at that! I guess my view is partially based on how I grew up. I have great memories of having my friends over for parties in our backyard, and having my own room, and having room to play, etc. I want that for my kids. AND, I want to have 2-3 kids. As to your point about vacations - that's a must. I don't want to work just to pay bills, I also want to be able to take vacations whenever we want, and never 'worry' about money. And in my situation, with only one income, that wouldn't be possible in a house OR an apartment.

That being said, of course it's possible to give your children fun, fulfilling lives without having a house! I'll also mention that there is nothing more important than being a good mom. My mom was a stay at home mom and the things she was able to do for us and teach us and give us is the sole reason, I believe, that my sisters and I are well adjusted and successful. It pains me to think that I won't have fresh baked cookies waiting for my kids after school. But by working, I WILL be able to provide them with music lessons, being on sports teams, anything they may want that I would not otherwise be able to afford if I stayed home.

swags1016 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:29 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

I hate apartment living, so for me it would be a house though I would love to be a stay at home Mom one day. But I already know that is not going to happen.

Karen, I can absolutely see what you are saying about money but there is something to be said for the room of a house and the privacy of a house, not having to worry about neighbors banging on your head or their loud music waking your baby. I had a horrible experience with apartments so I am kind of soured on it. I know from the kids that lived in my former apartment complex, they played in the parking lot, even though there was a great park across the street. The got in a lot of mischief and the teenagers were terror from being cooped up there. Apartment living and/or bad parent, probably both, but like I said I had a horrible experience where I was.

KarenB Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:35 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

It is a tough choice. I grew up w/a house, pool, deck, huge room of my own, parties, everything you could possibly want. I find it hard to figure out a way to have a house and give my possible child everything I grew up with. I feel that for us if we buy a house, that will drastically change the way we have to live and I'm trying to determine if it is worth it.

KarenB Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:40 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Swags, I see your view. Our apartment is very quiet. We live on the top floor and do not have any noise. The children in my building are very happy and we have older ones too who are in college, have received scholarships, etc. Living in an apartment building didn't hurt any of these children. We also live in one of the best school districts in New York. My child would never be cooped up. Our neighbors with kids bring them to the parks or sit in our courtyard w/grass & flowers & trees.

I guess it really depends what kind of apartment you are talking about and where it is.

The other thing is with a house you can have bad neighbors so owning a home doesn't eliminate all problems associated w/other people.

kpny622 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 12:41 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Well I guess it also depends on how much the husband makes. If he makes enough to afford the rent/mortgage on an apartment AND go on vacations AND do other things too, then perhaps he makes enough to pay just a mortgage on a small house. Yes, you will be stretched for a bit when the kids are small BUT with savings and increases in salary, as the kids get a few years older you will have more money for the other things. Also, once they go to school, you can maybe work part time to supplement. That is, if you really wanted a house.

But you seem to really want to be a stay at home mom so if you truly don't mind apartment living, then it's a no brainer. Do what will make you most comfortable. And remember, neither choice is permanent anyway.

Sassyz75 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 01:37 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

I pick stay at home mom.

I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with my mother (she had the livingroom, me the bedroom) my entire life. It wasn't until she remarried when I was 21 did she get a house.

And you know what- it was a FABULOUS childhood- b/c I was with my mom all the time.. we didn't NEED quality time, b/c we were together all the time... and I have to say, I think that's why i'm so well adjusted, compared to a lot of my friend's whose parents worked like dogs to give them material things but were never around...

Time is the best investment in a child's future, not a house, and nothing monetary...

kpny622 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 01:49 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

I agree with that for the most part because time is very important. But you have to also remember that many kids today are mean and competitive. Especially in certain areas on Long Island. I see it all the time with my young neices and nephews always talking about what other kids have or don't have and kids being made to feel like an outcast because they can't join little league or have a specific clothing trend. I'm not saying that's good or right, but the fact is I'd be heartbroken if my son came home crying because he was the only one who couldn't afford to do something. I doubt he'd feel better that at least he got to hang with me. I want to at least try to give them those things AND my time.

sept20yay Posted: Jul 07, 2004 01:53 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Posted by Sassyz75

I pick stay at home mom.

I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with my mother (she had the livingroom, me the bedroom) my entire life. It wasn't until she remarried when I was 21 did she get a house.

And you know what- it was a FABULOUS childhood- b/c I was with my mom all the time.. we didn't NEED quality time, b/c we were together all the time... and I have to say, I think that's why i'm so well adjusted, compared to a lot of my friend's whose parents worked like dogs to give them material things but were never around...

Time is the best investment in a child's future, not a house, and nothing monetary...

I could not have put it better myself. In a house, you put a lot of money into updating and stress of cleaning and keeping the outside nice, in addition to worrying additionally about bills. Children dont really see how nice a house looks or how big a house looks. To a young child, every place looks huge anyway. But they will know how much time they see mom and dad and want that badly. You could make the apartment the warmest most comfortable place in the world for a child. Stay at home mom if it suits you would be my pick. Life is just too short.

DjPiLL Posted: Jul 07, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

It also depends on what type of cash the wife is pulling in.

My FW frankly... does not make alot. I bring close to 3/4 of the total household income.

With the cost of babysitting... its almost not worth it if the wife is only going to net a small amount after the cost of babysitting.

On the other hand... I am a strong believer of having a two family income... mainly cause I dont want to deal with the stress of carrying the entire load. What happens if I get laid off.... ya know?

If my girl ever gets her career going... then perhaps we will do the two income / house thing.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jul 07, 2004 02:43 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Posted by sept20yay
Children dont really see how nice a house looks or how big a house looks. To a young child, every place looks huge anyway. But they will know how much time they see mom and dad and want that badly. You could make the apartment the warmest most comfortable place in the world for a child. Stay at home mom if it suits you would be my pick. Life is just too short.

I agree. I had a SAHM and loved it (also was lucky enough to have a large house), and I see my co-workers who have children, who try to convince them to go to school sick so they don't have to take time, their children can't participate in after school activities because no one can pick them up or drop them off....What saddens me is that the same women complain about money, but spend their lunch hours getting manicures and pedicures, and get their highlights touched up each month.

My aunt is a doctor and hired nannies and babysitters to care for her 4 kids. She quit when the nanny locked the 1 year old in the car while she got a manicure. The cops were called, and it was on the news. Nothing would be worth me endangering my own children, or making their lives more difficult.

If I had a situation where a grandparent or family member--someone I completely trusted--could mind the children full-time, I would consider working. If not, I think I will stay home. It is difficult--I have more education than my FH, and I will be starting a doctoral program after the wedding while working full time. I don't feel the education or career is wasted even if I stay home--my mother did, and then was able to get an excellent job when we were in high school. We went on vacation, but honestly it is not the days at Disney that I remember--it is the days at the park or beach with my mother, or learning to bake cookies, or having her take care of me when I was sick.

It is such a personal choice, but one that would be easy for me to make.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jul 07, 2004 02:51 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Posted by KarenB

It is a tough choice. I grew up w/a house, pool, deck, huge room of my own, parties, everything you could possibly want. I find it hard to figure out a way to have a house and give my possible child everything I grew up with. I feel that for us if we buy a house, that will drastically change the way we have to live and I'm trying to determine if it is worth it.

I think many of us are also considering moving off of long island in order to provide all of this for our children, especially on one salary.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jul 07, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Posted by kpny622

I agree with that for the most part because time is very important. But you have to also remember that many kids today are mean and competitive. Especially in certain areas on Long Island. I see it all the time with my young neices and nephews always talking about what other kids have or don't have and kids being made to feel like an outcast because they can't join little league or have a specific clothing trend.

I hear you with this, but if I had a girl and she was whining about not having a Tiffany necklace or a Coach bag (and of course we see this at Walt Whitman and Roosevelt Field), I would call her the spoiled brat that she was, and take her to a homeless shelter to show her exactly what not having enough means.

KarenB Posted: Jul 07, 2004 03:12 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Nov04, unfortunately we have to stay in LI. I have suggested many things but DH isn't interested. In addition, we need to be in Nassau county due go commuting reasons. I have looked into a lot of different sceanarios and nothing panned out.

Sassyz75 Posted: Jul 07, 2004 04:05 PM

Re: Would you rather have a house, or be a stay at home Mom?

Posted by nov04LIbride

Posted by kpny622

I agree with that for the most part because time is very important. But you have to also remember that many kids today are mean and competitive. Especially in certain areas on Long Island. I see it all the time with my young neices and nephews always talking about what other kids have or don't have and kids being made to feel like an outcast because they can't join little league or have a specific clothing trend.

I hear you with this, but if I had a girl and she was whining about not having a Tiffany necklace or a Coach bag (and of course we see this at Walt Whitman and Roosevelt Field), I would call her the spoiled brat that she was, and take her to a homeless shelter to show her exactly what not having enough means.

I don't care who has what- you have to build character- not just give in because timmy, jenny and chris have playstation and a 5 bedroom house in a new development- good for them! I doubt they have the types of loving parents they should- all my friends I grew up with had every material thing in the world.. and i didn't, but you know what- now they are all in therapy b/c they feel like their parents didn't love them.. sad, but true.