My former MOH (not sure if anyone knows that story, but the long and short of it is that she stood me up one day and when I told her I was offended, she told me to go !@$* myself, we sort of reconciled, have not been very good friends since, but she is invited to the wedding)...anyway, she emailed me today asking how much I am paying per head for my wedding. Mind you we have have not really been communicating much lately, so this really came out of left field. She said she needed to know for ettiquite purposes, which I took to mean she does not know how much she's supposed to give us as a gift.
I don't even know how to respond. I am right in thinking this was a fairly rude question? I really don't think it's any of her business.
And also, how would you answer a question like that?
AndrewsChick
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need opinions....
Yes, that is a really rude question. I don't even know what to tell, how to respond to something like that.
sun86moon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
Your response is to tell her that you will NOT respond and that it is none of her business. Unless she is planning on paying for herself and guest (boyfriend, spouse, significant other, etc.) there is no NEED for her to know this. If she is soooo concerned let her call the hall and ask! Sheesh people can be rude!
OctGroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
you are much more forgiving than I am... anyone who is a friend who said that to me would no longer be a friend to me. maybe i'm just a jerk like that.
frankly, it's none of her business and she has no right to ask. i don't know what to tell you.
I wouldn't want her there to be honest.
september2004
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
you should answer 'a lot'
BoogieDownBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
Posted by OctGroom
you are much more forgiving than I am... anyone who is a friend who said that to me would no longer be a friend to me. maybe i'm just a jerk like that.
frankly, it's none of her business and she has no right to ask. i don't know what to tell you.
I wouldn't want her there to be honest.
In a way I agree about not wanting her there. We've been friends since the 7th grade, and have had a very rocky friendship all the while. After the 'go **** yourself' incident she has been nothing but a nuisance in my life. Every interaction we've had has left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
She's still invited, though, I guess because of the length of time we've known each other, and also because I told her when we 'reconciled' that even though I did not want her as my MOH anymore, she'd stilll be invited to the wedding, and now I feel I must keep that promise, despite how much I am really starting to dislike her!!!
Misstene
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
I'm appauled! You should tell her to go !@$* herself!
Jax430
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
Unfortunately, it's 'friends' like that that it's time to write off for good. What an absurd, rude question?! I would either completely ignore her, or tell her that if she's that concerned about etiquette, she should know that it is RUDE to ask such things!
OctGroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
Good God.. well.. you're taking the high road and you got my respect!
it's unfortunate to have such a nuisance at the Wedding.. but you're probably doing the ethical thing... so you should be proud of yourself. Good Luck with this!
LJoy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
my friend, who I am not that close with, asked me the same question and I felt that it was tacky for her to ask me that. I didn't tell her I just changed the topic because I also didn't know how to answer that without coming off rude. Hope everything goes well for you.
Maribelle7777
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
i've heard that some do ask, for purposes of knowing how much to give.
tell her double what you're paying! j/k
i'd let it go. if she asked to be nosy you'd know.
butterfly20
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
sounds like to her its an obligation to go..
MrsERod
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
IF she knew ANYTHING AT ALL about ETIQUETTE, she would know HOW RUDE and INAPPROPRIATE that question is. Tell her to go scratch her A$$.
FeliciaDA
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
all I can say is that you are a MUCH more tolerant person than me. I would have told her off right on the spot!
I had a friendship very similar to this (more rocky than not ) yet we remained BF's forever. It took a serious falling to comes to a point (and i learned this the hard way) when you just have to cut a person loose. Became more destructive than I needed in my life.
That said, she is totally TACKY to have asked you such a question.
ETA: and I wouldn't dignify her question with an answer .. she has NO right to know
BoogieDownBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
It seems like everyone has a friend like this at some point. I have a very hard time cutting ties with her. I stopped speaking to her for over a year a while back, and it was right after we got back in touch that I got engaged and asked her to be my MOH. Looking back it was a foolish thing to do, but at the time it seemed like a gesture of good faith, to show that our rocky past was behind us. But honestly she is totally screwed up, she has not been a decent friend to me in years, and for the life of me I cannot understand why I still feel the need to be nice to her. As it stands now I haven't seen her since September, we have only spoken or emailed a couple of times since then, but since we have a lot of friends in common, we are still technically in each other's lives.
That being said, I still do not know what to do about this email she sent me. I appreciate all of the feedback you guys have given me, as always....
HearzBellz
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
OMG, there have been so many threads about this. Yes, it is very rude for her to ask, and personally I wouldn't tell her.
When DH was asked he lied (he is such a little devil) & told people that we paid $150 per plate (we paid way less) He said if people are clueless enough to ask then they deserve to be lied to
ETA: I love the way she tried to make it look like she was following proper etiquette.... that's rich
Jo Ann
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
I would just tell her that you are paying like $200 a head or something just to see what happens. If she is that rude to ask then I would be that rude to give her a outragous answer.
Kriss2c
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
I fear my response will make me unpopular in this thread....
I'm not playing devil's advocate at all here, I completely agree that what she did and more importantly HOW she did it was rude.
However, my best friend just got married last June (I was her BM) and because I certainly did not want her to feel disappointed with my gift, I did ask her. Now, keep in mind, she and I have always had a very open friendship... so this was acceptable.
Your friend (I used the term loosely) would be a fool if this is the case, but perhaps she felt that the 2 of you had this same openess??
samsbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Would you tell?
I don't know what etiquette purposes means? It should not affect the gift she gives. She should give what she feels is appropriate.
When rude people ask rude questions, it's important to take a deep breath and remember that you do not have to answer every question.
I read an Ann Landers column many years ago where someone wrote in about a similar problem. She responded that when people ask inappropriate questions, simply ask, 'Why do you need to know this?' I suppose you can come up with a way to get this point across but it's not meant to be nasty or confrontational - just to get the person to admit exactly why they are asking. If she admits it is about the gift, tell her she should give what she wants to give.
I also like the comment above to say 'a lot' or 'more than I should have' or whatever you want that is general. You may want to slip it into the next conversation that you are surprised that so many people keep asking very personal questions and it makes you feel awkward and leave it at that.
There is NOTHING wrong with saying you are not comfortable answering the question. If she's a normal person, she will understand. If not, do you really care what her take is on the situation and your response. Is she going to run around at the wedding saying, 'I asked her how much this cost and she refused to tell me. Can you believe that?'
