WOW - need advice

That is too much for her to stay with him. What he did is not only illegal but if he did this to her how could he love her? Thats crazy!
XOXO
Kitty

I got chills as I was reading your friend's story. This guy is mentally ill, and she needs to get away from him.

Scary

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Posted by aliwnec10

okay see now when i read your post i had one question in mind... how on earth did she not realize that he didn't have a job? Where would he go in the morning? Would he get all dressed up? 3 years is a pretty long time to put up a cherade like that.

My opinion... i know its easy for us to say RUN and to leave him. But she has had a life with this man and it must be really hard for her. But here's my take on it and it has to do with more than just lying. The man does not respect her and respect is a huge thing. How can you sit there for 3 years and lie to a person on a daily basis and on top of that... spend their hard earned money without their knowledge. A man who's willing to go to such lenghts as to use her SS# and create credit cards for him to use... well i just don't know what to say about that. That is one desperate man and if after 3 years he feels the need to hide who he is from his fiance... then there shouldn't be a marriage right now.

I'm sorry your friend is going through this.

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i already posted, but i like this as well...what kind of person does this to another???

How could she not know he hasnt worked in 3 yrs. Maybe she knew alot of this already by tried to block some of it out. Didnt she ever call him at work, didnt she see the mail and bills coming in her name? Didnt he contribute to any of the bills?
This is your turn to be a true friend and open her eyes and get her away. She should be in the house and make him leave. Her parents built it, not his. Make her stand her ground and get away before it is too late. If he is lying this much prior to the wedding what will he do once he is entitled to 1/2 of her property. Dont sugar coat it, make her get away while she still has a roof over her head.

I would be there for her but definitely voice my opinion that these are not the actions of someone who loves you.

If I were her I would leave him. Honesty is so important, how can you marry someone you don't trust? She needs to leave him or else her life will be even more of a wreck than it is now. The hardest thing to do in the short term may be the best thing she ever does.

unfortunately everyone is 100% right about this. you see it on oprah and the news-- men lying about their entire lives and sometimes when the women confront them about it the men end up hurting them or worse (like that pregnant woman in Colorado--Laurie Hacking I think).

it's extremely disturbing to me that she confronted him and he 'flipped out'. she needs to stay with people and i think she needs to get a restraining order. a lot of times men like this believe these delusions in their head and when they are confronted with the reality that they are infact lying and their whole life is a lie they get violent.

i would be worried for your friend if i were you and you need to sit her down with other friends or her family and explain that the relationship's foundation was a complete sham and there is no truth to the person she thought she was marrying-- nevermind the dresses, nevermind the giftis-- she needs to be more concerned with her well being b/c this guy sounds dangerous and it mirrors everything i've seen since the laurie hacking case (if you guys are not firmiliar, laurie was married and pregnant-- the guy said that he was in med school and going to be a dr. she found out he never attended med school, had a double life and when she confronted him about the fact that he did not attend the school he said he did-- he murdered her, put her body in a mattress which then went to the landfill, and two days or so later he confessed to it). he said he could not deal with the fact that she put it right in his face that he had to lie to make himself seem successful (these guys are like ego maniacs).

So i really hope everything works out for her but she needs to be very careful and get away as soon as possible... i'm so sorry that this happened to her-- it's such a shame but it's definitely fate that she found out now.

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

unfortunately everyone is 100% right about this. you see it on oprah and the news-- men lying about their entire lives and sometimes when the women confront them about it the men end up hurting them or worse (like that pregnant woman in Colorado--Laurie Hacking I think).

it's extremely disturbing to me that she confronted him and he 'flipped out'. she needs to stay with people and i think she needs to get a restraining order. a lot of times men like this believe these delusions in their head and when they are confronted with the reality that they are infact lying and their whole life is a lie they get violent.

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I hadn't even thought of this...but very true.

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Posted by vixchik

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

unfortunately everyone is 100% right about this. you see it on oprah and the news-- men lying about their entire lives and sometimes when the women confront them about it the men end up hurting them or worse (like that pregnant woman in Colorado--Laurie Hacking I think).

it's extremely disturbing to me that she confronted him and he 'flipped out'. she needs to stay with people and i think she needs to get a restraining order. a lot of times men like this believe these delusions in their head and when they are confronted with the reality that they are infact lying and their whole life is a lie they get violent.

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I hadn't even thought of this...but very true.

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i know, it's the first thing it reminded me of and it really scared me b/c they had a whole show on how common it is on oprah-- i hope everything works out for her and she is able to get away and i think she has an angel looking over her that she found out now and that he didn't hurt her!

Please post after your visit this weekend and let us know the status.

As you can see, we all wish your friend and YOU only the best!

Wow! It's hard to say what another person should do, but honestly if there is no trust in a relationship, then there is a big problem. Would I stay w/ someone who has lied the way this boy has...no, but that's me. The lies are a little too severe to overlook, especailly the nature of it. He took out credit cards w/ her SS# and used them? That's a crime. If it was any other person you would have them arrested for identity theft. It's hard when you love someone. I understand why she would want to help him, but these are things that you can not just forgive and forget. A good marriage is based on trust. If she can not trust him, then what's left? He lied so much about every aspect of his life, she doesn't really know who he is anymore.

Send my best wishes to your friend! I hope everything works out for her. You are a good friend for being there for her and supporting her. Keep us posted!

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Posted by maryb

so im in a wedding next month for a good friend from college.. the shower and bachlorette party are this saturday... SOOOOO

she calls me today in tears b/c she has found out her FI has been lying to her the whole time they were together (3yrs).. lied about his job (which he has none.. his money.. he has apparently used her name, SS#, and gotten credit cards in her name and now -SHE has thousands of dollars in debt!!!!! she confronted him and he bugged out on her (she didnt go into detail) she is at her parents house now..

they live together - her parents built them a BRAND NEW HOUSE!! they have two puppies together.. life was moving along and looked great..

im still going up there (buffalo) this weekend to hang out (no shower or bach party) we will go out to eat, staying at a friend's apt (not going to her house)and im bringing college pictures to laugh and drink with...

but my question is would you stay with a person like that???

i have to be a strong friend and hope she will get away - i might kill him if i see him.. but i will also be there if she decides to stay

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wow i would not stay with him!!! she has been supporting herself all along!!!!!!!!! plus he is a liar should not start a marriage out like that!
good luck!

WOW, WOW, WOW is ALL I have to say!!!

I would leave his A$$ so fast he wouldn't know what hit him!!!

WOW!

3 years! - though she did love him. She loved someone who she thought she knew. Despite the things she loved about him, this is obviously something that makes him a complete stranger too!

It's easy for me to say to leave his a$$ since I am sane right now. But I don't see that things can get any better even after working it out. If he was capable of doing that to someone he 'loved', he is someone who I wouldn't be able to trust ever. And trust is one big part of the relationship.

Well I hope she gets better soon.