XOXO

suven Posted: May 13, 2005 08:07 AM

.

littlebookworm4 Posted: May 13, 2005 08:09 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Posted by suven

My MIL and I are hosting a large surprise party for my DH.

Experience has shown that he has quite a few family members who RSVP late (extremely late- we got an RSVP a couple days before our wedding, when it was too late to add the person on) and a few arrive at parties extremely late- one of his cousins arrived at our RD AFTER it had ended and then took a bunch of people out to a bar 'since he made the trip down for the RD'

So, I am going to print up little cards to put inside some of the *key* invitations.

I want to write that acceptances will not be accepted after the RSVP deadline and that latecomers will not be allowed into the party. (Rude, I know- but I am only going to include these cards in the invites that are going to the chronically late people)

What's a 'poshy' way to write it?

I was thinking:

'Please note that replies cannot be accepted after the RSVP deadline'

'Also, please note that the establishment has a clause stating 'latecomers will not be granted access to a party after its scheduled start time'

Thoughts?

Can't say that I blame you and I think what you have there is perfect. Good luck!

marymoon Posted: May 13, 2005 08:12 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

I think the 'late replies' thing is fine., I don't know why but adding that phrase about alteocmers seems like too much, maybe if on the invite you put '7pm SHARP' that would get the message across

suven Posted: May 13, 2005 08:13 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Posted by marymoon

maybe if on the invite you put '7pm SHARP' that would get the message across

nope. Used that one in the past and this guy still walked in AFTER our RD. He also did this to a wedding where he was the best man- showed up late to the church rehearsal and everyone had to wait for him

AnniesSS Posted: May 13, 2005 08:17 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Can you have 2 different invitations - one with the correct time and one with a time at least an hour earlier and a huge note stating IT'S A SURPRISE PARTY DO DON'T BE LATE!! lol Good luck!

brooklynbridezilla Posted: May 13, 2005 08:25 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Suven, I love it! Good luck, I hope it is effective.

adioguardi Posted: May 13, 2005 08:56 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

That's a tough one! You don't want to be too 'nice' with the wording, then you won't be taken seriously. You need to stand firm, so be careful about being 'poshy'

anjerandunder Posted: May 13, 2005 08:56 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

i like the rsvp note but i think you should just put an hour earlier for the latecomers if its possible..jmo

shamrock12472 Posted: May 13, 2005 09:15 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Unfortunately, no matter what you write you are going to have people that RSVP late or show up late (because they haven't figured out that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them). I would make the RSVP date earlier then you originally planned allowing some time for the late comers. Those who don't respond in time, just say no to. I think by adding a card you will end up making yourself more upset and crazy because those people aren't even respecting that. However, if you do put in the card, I think your wording is fine.

bridetobe Posted: May 13, 2005 09:19 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

How sad that you have to treat your guests like children! Why can't people come on time to parties!!! so frustrating!!! I would write something like this....

Please don't ruin the surprise everyone must be there by 7pm.

I wouldn't say that latecomers will not be allowed admition. What if I can't come on time for a valid reason? Sorry, I just don't like the way that sounds.

suven Posted: May 13, 2005 09:35 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Posted by bridetobe

Please don't ruin the surprise everyone must be there by 7pm.

I like that! It has a 'guilt' impact to it!

I hope they get it though. One of the wives of a big offender walked into a bridal shower 1 hour late. People were so pissed that they yelled 'surprise' to HER as she was walking in!

bridetobe Posted: May 13, 2005 09:43 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

It definately has guilt impact! I think it might work. Also, maybe you could have your MIL call the 'offenders' a day before to make sure that they understand it is a 'surprise' and they have to be there on time.

Good luck and have a great time. I love parties.

july06bride Posted: May 13, 2005 09:44 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Posted by AnniesSS

Can you have 2 different invitations - one with the correct time and one with a time at least an hour earlier and a huge note stating IT'S A SURPRISE PARTY DO DON'T BE LATE!! lol Good luck!

I agree!!!!!!!

we have a prob with latecomers on FH side, so we lie with a different time, we were even thinking about doing it for the wedding, but i think we decided against it

dpli Posted: May 13, 2005 10:00 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

I understand your frustration (I have inlaws who are always late too....) and I think it is OK to say something like 'don't ruin the surprise by coming late.' However, I might be in the minority here, I think you are going to be perceived as the witchy inlaw if you put something about refusing to admit people after the start time. I don't think most people will believe that the establishment has that policy and may even go so far as to call and ask. Also, as someone said, it doesn't allow for emergencies for the people who usually are on time. Can you have sort of a 'holding area' for the people who are a little late, that might ruin the surprise? Like the bar area or something?

If these people are always late and have no regard for respecting other people's wishes, I don't think anything you write is going to change their behavior. The guy who showed up as the RD was ending is not going to be there on time. I think you should just accept that and figure out a way to deal with it. And I hate to say it, but if you aren't careful with the wording, you are going to look like the bad guy.

jersee3380 Posted: May 14, 2005 05:06 PM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

i think what you wrote sounds fine ... hoenstly, i'd do the same thing

otherme Posted: May 14, 2005 06:02 PM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

I would not put in a separate card to those people because they'd probably just ignore it anyway..
I would call each person a few days before the RSVP date if you haven't heard from them, and ask each one if they are coming. Then you know for sure.
Then, the day of, i would call them again and tell them that they have to be there by a certain time because its a surprise and it will ruin it if they're late.
Thats all you can do. Maybe tell them that it would really mean a lot if they get there when they're supposed to.
If you tell people that they won't be allowed in after a certain time, or the place doesn't allow it, you will sound too pushy. If you ask them for their help, you'll probably get a better response.
Hope this helps.

mrswask Posted: May 14, 2005 11:17 PM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

Regarding people RSVP-ing late, if they haven't RSVP'd on time - when they do, tell them no.
Regarding people coming late, I agree with the suggestion a few others make - put down an earlier time for them to show up!

M&LSept1606 Posted: May 15, 2005 12:12 AM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

I think you should place 'regrets only' on the rsvp, so they only have to call if they're definitely not coming.

David'sbride Posted: May 15, 2005 02:34 PM

Re: I'm going to violate etiquette and I need help with it

I agree with you.

I have a cousin who lives in Jersey. Now I now traffic can be bad but on more than one occassion, he has been excessively late, try 4 1/2 hours on more than one holiday (Thanksgiving and Christmas) yet his brother who lives one town over in Jersey makes it LI on time

I would also call. I did this for my wedding.

Pretty sad that we have to treat aults like children but they ask for it. It's just selfish to be that consistently late.

Please let us know how it goes.