Sorry. I know it isn't traditional, but I do think you're FI's parents names should be on there.
In many cultures both names are on (Jewish for for example) and it is such a small thing to do.
MissingTheBGene
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
I agree that she handled the situation very poorly, but I also agree that out of respect the parents names should be on the invites, whether they are contributing or not. Just IMO, though.
leese
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
yeah, she should be on the invite. all you are saying is that HE is the SON of HER... not that she is paying.
If it said
MR and MRS BRIDE and MRS GROOM
cordially invite...
then that would mean 'she was paying'
**** But if you just say
MR. GROOM son of .....
that doesn't mean that.
nygirl77
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Don't you love when IL's threaten to not go because of stupid crap like this.
stephanielyse
Posted:
Member since
.
cmastro25
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Yeah, my mother was a little upset by this as well, but my feeling is if you are paying for the wedding yourselves then you are hosting and your names go on it.
Pookiesangel
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Oh this was a HUGE fight in our house, because my dad didn't want their names at all on the invite but after a few rounds of family meetings I was able to convince him, they are paying for a few things and my parents put their parents names on the invites and they paid for their own wedding so what does it matter, in the end my dad gave in, but I know he isn't happy about it.. Try to compromise
julybride06
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
We did that the same way..son of...
My parents insisted on being nice by adding them on to it...I was totally against it (since they aren't doing anything at all but causing problems)
thefirstlady
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
It's such a tricky subject and people make such a big deal out of it, but you are 100% correct, and should stick to your guns! She was lucky you were trying to include her! It would be one thing if she was trying to help you out w/ all the planning, even if she couldn't contribute financially. At least that would be showing support. But to just expect your name on there when you have no clue what's going on, and obviously no knowledge of wedding etiquette is just wrong! Good luck w/ this one, and don't lose anymore sleep over it, you need your 'beauty sleep'!
Kim51103
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Posted by esb980
She isn't being nice.
I kinda had the same problem, EXCEPT FH wanted his parents name on it. I said they weren't hosting, but it was very important to himso we did:
Mr. & Mrs Brad Pitt invite you to share in the marriage of ther daughter
Eleanor Susan
to
Matthew Peter
Son of
Mr. and Mrs. Nothelpingatall.
LOL we are doing the SAME thing!!!!!
beatle06
Posted:
Member since
Re:
beatle06
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Posted by thefirstlady
It's such a tricky subject and people make such a big deal out of it, but you are 100% correct, and should stick to your guns! She was lucky you were trying to include her! It would be one thing if she was trying to help you out w/ all the planning, even if she couldn't contribute financially. At least that would be showing support. But to just expect your name on there when you have no clue what's going on, and obviously no knowledge of wedding etiquette is just wrong! Good luck w/ this one, and don't lose anymore sleep over it, you need your 'beauty sleep'!
well said thanks.. last night was a rough night and today i was sooo tired!
FallBride05
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
Posted by Blu-ize
Our parents did not host the reception, but we had both their names on it as a show of respect to them.
Sorry to disagree, but some of the ettiquette rules are meant to be flexible. I wanted both parents names as a representation of their blessing of us getting married.
I agree with this as well. My parents are divorced, my father is remarried. My father and step mother split the cost of the wedding with my IL's. We still put my mother's name on the invite as a show of respect. After all, she gave birth to me! Even if we paid for the wedding ourselves, we still would have had our parents on the invite. It doesn't matter who's hosting/paying and who's not. None of your guests are going to even care who paid for what. JMHO
gNi1125
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
You're right Mel...I HIGHLY doubt she'll miss her son's wedding b/c of it.
xcalystax
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
My two cents: FH's parents are completely uninvolved and aren't helping AT ALL... I don't want their name on my invite since they have had nothing to do with the wedding, BUT I will put them under the: Groom Son of Mr and Mrs Smith heading just so FH feels like his parent's are being honored too. I am totally doing it for FH. Do what you feel is right, it IS your weddding!!
JennJay
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
I totally agree... If they don't contribute, they shouldn't be on the invite.
Goldi1021
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. please agree w/ me!
My family, FH and myself are making the wedding. There have been no contributions on the part of FH's family. Do I care? Not really - I don't lose sleep over it. They just really have no input as far as decision making.
Once the hosts' names appear on the top of the invitation, people should automatically know who is responsible for financing an expensive venture such as a wedding. It isn't a contest of who spent more. Its a wedding.
As I read the many ettiquette books on weddings and Jewish weddings in particular, it brought me to one and only one thought. A wedding is not just between two people, but the joining of two families. If anything, my FH deserves just as much right as I do for our guests to know who he is and where he came from. This is why his parent's names appeared on our invitation. To us, it was a matter of respect. Even my mother, who paid for the invitations, insisted on it. She knew full well his parents weren't going to contribute. To her, including them was the right thing to do.
beatle06
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. UPDATE
see update at beginning (can you tell i have mixed feelings still about this subject)
ChrissynRicky
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. UPDATE
EXCELLENT decision Mel. In the end you're the bigger person, and picking/choosing your battles - this was very wise.
MrsStefan
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! pissed FMIL off.. UPDATE
Posted by esb980
She isn't being nice.
I kinda had the same problem, EXCEPT FH wanted his parents name on it. I said they weren't hosting, but it was very important to himso we did:
Mr. & Mrs Brad Pitt invite you to share in the marriage of ther daughter
Eleanor Susan
to
Matthew Peter
Son of
Mr. and Mrs. Nothelpingatall.
I mean the wording is different. This way their names are on it and it's not saying their hosting.
This is what I plan on doing to avoid conflict with FMIL. You sound like you are going through a very similar engagement as I am. It $UCK$!!!! Just do what makes you and FH happy!
