XOXO

This trend with e-parties being just an excuse to get gifts really bothers me. An e-party is for the families to meet one another. It is not about gifts and friends coming together to celebrate marriage - that is what the wedding is for. I had an e-party. The invited guests were my mother & siblings (with their spouses & kids) and DH's mother and siblings (with their spouses & kids). We had a backyard barbeque and everyone got to know each other because there was no loud music, no table hopping, no 'let's open gifts' moments - just family sitting around a round table talking.

If you feel 'stiffed' maybe you should think about your motivations for your e-party. Then give (or don't give) what your conscience dictates.

JMHO.

i agree w/ nycgirl79 with giving them $50 and making them feel cheap!
no id give them $30 !!!

IMO, be the bigger person. It doesn't matter what they gave to you....doesn't matter what their financial situation is.........give to them what you would give to them normally.....don't make your decision on what they gave to you.

Sorry you were disappointed with their gift but according to my book 'Wedding Etiquette' by Emily Post, bringing a gift to an engagement party 'has never been obligatory and should not be expected.' If you want to get them a gift, that's nice but they were never required to give you one in the first place.

Technically, you don't have to give them anything. If you'd like to give them something but you are still feeling stiffed, I'd say don't go overboard & get them something small.

I would buy something cheap from there registry. I am a firm believer in what comes around goes around....20 bucks it is

Inless of course they made a mistake....

It's interesting that the heading says 'for guest that stiffed us.' To me, 'stiffed' implies giving nothing when you're obligated to. We had a pretty large engagement party but very few people actually gave us gifts. It was just a chance to celebrate. The actual wedding day is when you should expect lots of nice gifts, not the engagement party.

That being said, what about giving them something that can't be attributed to an actual dollar amount, like a variety basket? Then it's less about money and competition.

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Posted by rn4u2go



Any way, yes a cheap gift of 20 bucks is rude, but you should do the right thing, and give a gift that you yourself would like. That way you are the bigger person, and believe me, they will get the message....

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I know it isn't about the money or presents, but you would think that etiquette would have hit them along the way.
I don't know if nescassarily they'll get the message but I agree with being the bigger person.

It always bugs me when people say 'So and so is financially well off and only gave...' First of all, you never know what someone's financial status is, and financial status can change... Also, what you drive, where you live, what you do, etc. are just part of the picture. And since when do financially well off people owe it to you to give a better gift?

I have to say, what someone got me would not impact my decision on what to get them. No one is entitled to presents at all, let alone presents of a certain value.

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Posted by luvabul

thats awful! ... 20 bux, u can barely go out to a dinner with that money

and yes i KNOW ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! - but if someone is financially well well off, its just appropriate to atleast give more than 20 bux, anyways, i would give them 40$ double what you gave.. .. JMO ..

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I agree....

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Should I be the bigger person and give them $100 or so, or give what they gave me?

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The only people that gave us $100 or more were very close friends and relatives.

Is this a normal amount to give for an e-party these days? Seems a bit much.

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Posted by Renee615

JMO, but I would give them exactly what they gave you..a $20 gift card.

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Yep, agreed.

It's about respect and if that is what they feel is a generous gift then I would give it right back to them. And of course, 'it's not about the gifts' and that is in a perfect world- but in reality, for me, it doesn't work like that. JMHO.

Honestly, I didn't expect to get anything at my Engagement party. I was surprised that we were getting presents. FH and I are the first to get married in our families and among our friends, which could be why I didn't expect anything.

I would give however much I felt like giving. Gifts should reflect the relationship you have with that person and the way you feel about them. If you care about them, be generous. If not, then give them nothing or get them something small.