First I want to tell you how sorry I am that your going through this It sounds to me that you really feel that he has totally disrespected you and your family...I think that you should take some time to think. In the end you know what is best for you and you deserve someone who makes you happy. This should be a happy time in your life and you should enjoy planning your wedding. If it dosent feel right it might not be right...I hope it works out for you hun
Deeglasser
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
is this only recent that he has been treating you this way?!? if i were you i would be furious too...
honestly, if your relationship does come to an end- you will be happy it ended before you got married if it doesn't get better. it's probably a good thing that you are finding this all out about him now (although it may not feel that way). it sounds like he is creating things to argue with you about to pin point you as the bad guy, or the 'crazy' one. if your reception is in suffolk, you will get your money back (all but $100).
then again, sometime apart may help the situation... he may have time to come to his senses and you can talk it out sensibly. if you really want to make it work, have you considered meeting with a counselor? it sounds ridiculous, but it may help if you really want to try to make the relationship work.
any decision you make will be a good one! good luck
secretname
Posted:
Member since
.
grrulz
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
sorry but i think you should let some time go by and think!! you need time to think!!!
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
I do need time to think- maybe y feelings will change. The way I feel now I never want to meet another man again- I don't even want to hear from him!
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
grrulz
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
omg hun!! i wish i was there to give you a biggggg hug!!! I AM SOOO SORRY
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
lostnow
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
i come on here from time to time, i have another name but didnt want to use it now for privacy. i was married this summer and wanted to give you some advice. we are from very similar backgrounds. similar stories- same culture religion etc.
anyway, i'm married now, 6 weeks pregnant and my husband has left me, wants a divorce and doesn't want me to keep the baby.
its VERY VERY VERY for people to change. especially men that come from similar backgrounds as you and I.
i have to admit, my husband was never rude like that, at least IN FRONT of people. he made jokes, but never too cruel. our problem was what happened behind closed doors and also the fact that he put his family before me (especially his mom)... which is another somewhat bad character trait that men from our similar cultures have.
we've had tons of problems, fights and arguments, but, one way or another we always got back together. recently we had a big fight (prior to this one) and he BEGGED to come back, he said he was changed and finally had his eyes opened. this was on nov 11, and it was that day i told him i was pregnant, he was AMAZING... for 10 days and then, well, now this.
he's back to square one and worse than before. i asked that we go to a therapist and i can't even talk to him without him yelling at me or calling me names.
i will admit, i would talk back to him when we fought and i would be lying if i said i was a perfect wife. i would argue back and yell back, if he hurt my feelings i would hurt his. but, to me, nothing can justify him leaving me, and telling me to get an abortion. anyway.... i know EXACTLY how you feel
and
honestly, i really think you should NOT think about the money... because you dont want to end up like me. maybe you will end up so happy together, but really think this through. go to counseling together, have him work on himself, and if you have problems, work on yourself, but DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT go through with this with him being this way... and his parents being this way. if he changes, his parents wont affect him so much. if he doesnt change... believe me, its not going to fix itself.
my heart goes out to you, although i dont know you, ill pray for you, keep me in your prayers as well, because im a mess and only our families know whats going on. i feel like a failure a loser and so lost... alone. i had taken off from school, dont have a job, by myself in this house now, without his income and bills and mortgage to pay. please, definitely think this through, be strong and never ever get stepped on by him, no matter how much you love him
endlesslove116
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
i'm so sorry about what you are going thru. i really think you guys should really sit down and have a serious talk about everything. honestly because before you go on with canceling everything and losing all that money you should first know really what you want and if this is what you guys really want to do and! this is something serious because you have planned so much into your wedding already, so he needs to grow some big balls and be a man and grow up and talk like a man and if he isnt ready to be a man and a real fiancee and husband than he shouldnt be getting married and you shouldnt be with him!! no girl deserves that kind of pain and as much as you are upset and hate his guts right now, i think you should really sit down and talk to him and tell him everything, how you feel and what is going to happen from here.. that you will be canceling this wedding and so on.. let him know this is no longer a joke and you are not playing anymore nor are you going to let him walk all over you and play games! cause honestly he is prolly thinking right now that your just upset but in a few days everything will be ok and you will act like nothing again.. this is why you need to tell him this is not a game anymore and you are serious about everything, let him know.. you do not deserve that and it is better to realize this now than if you were married and with kids and have to go thru a divorce.. i am so sorry you are going thru this right now, but know that us girls are all here for you if you need anything! xoxo
endlesslove116
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
wow, that is terrible! :( im so sorry to hear that about you too. ugh, guys sometimes can be soo cruel my goodness! no girl deserves any pain like this, screw that! they do say love sometimes can be painful and that is true love, but seriously not in that level as you two are in right now!! i wish you the best of luck and will be praying for both of you!! =[
PS: what backrounds are you girls from?? im curious to know because me and FH are also from europe.. we are actually PORTUGUESE and i know what you mean when you say the european guys can be difficult cause yess i am one to say that, my fh can sometimes be a piece of work, lol.. but i pick my battles and there is no PERFECT marriage/couple out there, there is ups and downs and we have them just like everyone else but nothing ever to that extent because if so i wouldnt even dare to marry a man like that (this is why i say think really hard about what you want to do because in most cases it is very rare they will change if they have family like that already).. im so sorry and again i will be praying for the both of you!!
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
RitasEngaged
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
Posted by lostnow
i come on here from time to time, i have another name but didnt want to use it now for privacy. i was married this summer and wanted to give you some advice. we are from very similar backgrounds. similar stories- same culture religion etc.
anyway, i'm married now, 6 weeks pregnant and my husband has left me, wants a divorce and doesn't want me to keep the baby.
its VERY VERY VERY for people to change. especially men that come from similar backgrounds as you and I.
i have to admit, my husband was never rude like that, at least IN FRONT of people. he made jokes, but never too cruel. our problem was what happened behind closed doors and also the fact that he put his family before me (especially his mom)... which is another somewhat bad character trait that men from our similar cultures have.
we've had tons of problems, fights and arguments, but, one way or another we always got back together. recently we had a big fight (prior to this one) and he BEGGED to come back, he said he was changed and finally had his eyes opened. this was on nov 11, and it was that day i told him i was pregnant, he was AMAZING... for 10 days and then, well, now this.
he's back to square one and worse than before. i asked that we go to a therapist and i can't even talk to him without him yelling at me or calling me names.
i will admit, i would talk back to him when we fought and i would be lying if i said i was a perfect wife. i would argue back and yell back, if he hurt my feelings i would hurt his. but, to me, nothing can justify him leaving me, and telling me to get an abortion. anyway.... i know EXACTLY how you feel
and
honestly, i really think you should NOT think about the money... because you dont want to end up like me. maybe you will end up so happy together, but really think this through. go to counseling together, have him work on himself, and if you have problems, work on yourself, but DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT go through with this with him being this way... and his parents being this way. if he changes, his parents wont affect him so much. if he doesnt change... believe me, its not going to fix itself.
my heart goes out to you, although i dont know you, ill pray for you, keep me in your prayers as well, because im a mess and only our families know whats going on. i feel like a failure a loser and so lost... alone. i had taken off from school, dont have a job, by myself in this house now, without his income and bills and mortgage to pay. please, definitely think this through, be strong and never ever get stepped on by him, no matter how much you love him
Wow I am so sorry. Hope everything works out.
People don't change just remember all of this - you have to decide if that is the kind of life you want to have
xosweetiexo
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
OMg I am soooo sorry this is happening to you I would also like to thank the other poster for telling you about her experience and she is right... you are better off knowing now what a jerk he is, than to marry him and end up down the road changing your mind and getting a divorce and feeling as thought you are 'stuck' with this person. I know the money issue is a big problem and it hurts and I really do feel bad that your parents are losing a lot of money, but it all comes down to your happiness. Can you honestly say you are head over heels for this person and want to spend the rest of your life with him? I think you are better off without him.... and I think he was being immature and started getting a bit of cold feet. If you dont mind me asking.... how long were you guys dating for?
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
xosweetiexo
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
Posted by secretname
we met in may 2007- he proposed the last day of july 2008.
Yea, so thats prob. what it is.....that he got cold feet and thats why he started with the being rude and giving you attitude b/c a lot of times guys do that bc they are irritated or have a lot on their mind. Please dont call him..... he should be crawling back to you- I know this sounds cheesy....but really.... everything happens for a reason. You want to marry the person who loves you unconditionally and you dont want to spend the rest of your life thinking 'was this a mistake? don't I deserve better???' If he honestly loves you and values your relationship, he will call.... and most of the time a lot of men just need time to think and cool down.... sometimes they need to know what they've lost in order to appreciate it.... I wish you the best!! Please keep us posted!!!
mmm117
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
Could there be something else he's trying to tell you? Meaning, is he throwing things in your face all of a sudden in hopes that you'll break it off so that he doesn't have to be the 'bad guy' ending things? I hope that this is not true but please be careful. Sometimes people act like a$$es in hopes that the other person will do the dirty work for them and break things off. The best possible situation is that you two work everything out and have a lifetime of happiness but if he's acting this way and trying to tell you something with his actions, definitely take a step back. As awful as the situation is, you'd rather know now than after marriage. You deserve someone who treats you with all the love, respect and devotion in the world.
Good luck! We're all here for you!
secretname
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
MLAngelo
Posted:
Member since
Re: My wedding is probably off.
I am sorry your going through this. I know everyone has said this, but take some time to cool down. But honestly, if there are all these problems with him now, he's not going to get better once your married. You can't change a guy, so if these things really are bothering you that much then maybe its for the best. I am sure your parents would rather lose some money then have you marry the wrong guy. But give yourself a chance to cool down, really think about everything and talk with him first.
