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SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

Ugh i hate how weddings make people act like crazy people! Try not to let the future in laws spoil your shower or all of the planning. Everyone always says how fast planning goes and to enjoy it. It just stinks when people have to ruin it. Keep your head up! The in-laws are definitely way out of their jurisdiction on this one!

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

Don't let them ruin your shower. Tell you FH to handle it, and remind him: Happy Wife, Happy Life.

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Posted by Caity828

Ugh i hate how weddings make people act like crazy people!

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This! I'm thinking of trying to get an article published about how everyone apparently goes b@t$#it crazy when a wedding comes along. ***. Your fmil needs to chill. I had no one from FHs side at my shower besides FMIL and one of her friends.

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

I love how everyone thinks they should tell you how to plan. SMH

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

Deep breaths and I'll ask again if we have the same FMIL, because mine just pulled almost the exact same thing. And I flipped the eff out, too.

Mine is also a lying sack of poopie. When she inquired about the cost of my shower, she told my mom that she was only going to invite 'a few close friends,' so my mom said no worries, she's got it. WELL, she then proceeded to send my mom a list of 18 people the next day. 18 is not a few. FH wanted to say something but my mom won't let him because she wants to keep the peace. My mom also asked if I knew these people and she said YES. I've never met them. Literally no idea who they are, except for 2.

I also don't want her at mine (or her condescending, self absorbed dimwit of a daughter). But you know what? She'll be there, both mine and yours. And all we have to do is be nice to their guests, because WE aren't rude, evil people.

I don't know if you feel the same, but it bothers to me no end that I can't have a normal relationship with this woman. I see my friends have these wonderful MILs and mine never so much acknowledged our engagement until it came time for her to invite her friends to a party she doesn't have to pay for.

As horrible as it is, you're right. You have your mom, and honestly, she's the only mom who matters. If you ever need to vent, feel free to FM me....I'm going through the same thing and not a day goes by that the thought of her doesn't make me miserable.

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Posted by larlynn

I don't know if you feel the same, but it bothers to me no end that I can't have a normal relationship with this woman. I see my friends have these wonderful MILs and mine never so much acknowledged our engagement until it came time for her to invite her friends to a party she doesn't have to pay for.

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i am feeling this way big time ...

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

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SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

I feel the exact same way. My FMIL is doing the same thing. Granted she only invited three people to a shower that she is not paying for but her daughters are helping pay for in addition to my mom. I've been fighting alot with FH about FMIL and her attitude and arrogance and it makes me wonder why I can't have a normal relationship either. One of the people that she invited to the shower is my bridesmaid's, who is FH's sister, friend and her mother. The third person she invited was a friend of hers that she recently got back in touch with. Ive never met two of these three people and the one person I met I only met once. This started a whole big thing between me and FH because I said it's supposed to be my close friends and family, you know, people I will be keeping in contact with after the wedding. He has all guy cousins through one of his aunts and I invited their wives, which I was perfectly fine with because I was invited to their bridal and baby showers. Plus, they will be family after the wedding. But friends of FMIL? NO! So when I said to FH that this is supposed to be people I want, he goes that's not how it works. He's been throwing alot of things in my face lately and it's getting to me. Plus those added people put us over the count, which is bs. So trust me, I definitely know how you feel. I actually just had a fight with him about a half hour ago about it. I also dont like the way FMIL treats FH with favoring certain children and etc but that's a different story.

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

This may not be the popular response, but I have to say it. You always need to remember that no matter what she does or what she says, this is the mother of your future husband, and the grandmother to your future children. For that reason alone, she will always be entitled to a certain level of respect regardless of how difficult she may be.

More importantly, think about your fiancé! This can't be fun for him to be put in between his wife and his mother. It's just not fair to him, and you owe it to him to keep the peace. Imagine how stressful it would be for you if he felt this way towards your mother.

FH's mother passed away a few years ago, but I can certainly tell you that FFIL is not always the easiest person in the world, but at the end of the day, he is my fiancé's father and for that very reason he will always have my respect.

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

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SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

Sounds like she's a little jealous to me! Keep calm and don't even argue with her..

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

And also is she Paying for your shower? If not, then have your host of the shower tell her the amount of guest she can have.. If she wants to have more people than that set amount then she should pay for them...

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Posted by angelicd77

To make matters worse of course her manipulative a$$ convinced Fh last night that I'm wrong and that only having 6 prople from 'her side' is 'disgusting of me'. I can't even begin to explain the fight this caused between Fh and I. I'm starting to believe that she will stop at nothing to tear us apart. I'm sorry but it's rude and disgusting on her part to expect my mom to invite and pay for people I've never met. I'm so disheartened over this whole thing. I don't even want a damn shower anymore. Non of this is fun anymore. I just want it all to be over.

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If she wants an even amount, then SHE will need to throw a Jack & Jill shower. At my shower I think I had 6 people from my husbands side (he has a small family) and there were no problems.

If she starts to invite random people that you don't know, they will be like 'Who the hell is angelicd77' since they don't you and the invitation is not going to mention her name. If I was that guest I would think I am only being invited for a gift and I would decline.

Respect is a 2 way street and you need to receive it to give it.

Good luck!!!

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Posted by Kroedel87

This may not be the popular response, but I have to say it. You always need to remember that no matter what she does or what she says, this is the mother of your future husband, and the grandmother to your future children. For that reason alone, she will always be entitled to a certain level of respect regardless of how difficult she may be.

More importantly, think about your fiancé! This can't be fun for him to be put in between his wife and his mother. It's just not fair to him, and you owe it to him to keep the peace. Imagine how stressful it would be for you if he felt this way towards your mother.

FH's mother passed away a few years ago, but I can certainly tell you that FFIL is not always the easiest person in the world, but at the end of the day, he is my fiancé's father and for that very reason he will always have my respect.

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I gotta disagree here. Does she deserve respect objectively? Yes, of course. But the bottom line is that they are all adults in this situation deserving of respect - especially the bride! I'm a firm believer that you should treat others how you want to be treated and that your behavior dictates how you want others to treat you. Respect is not a mandate when someone refuses to respect you.

It's terrible that your FMIL will not be there to share in your wedding, but I think that you really can't compare a FMIL and FFIL. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

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Posted by snarkyspice

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Posted by Kroedel87

This may not be the popular response, but I have to say it. You always need to remember that no matter what she does or what she says, this is the mother of your future husband, and the grandmother to your future children. For that reason alone, she will always be entitled to a certain level of respect regardless of how difficult she may be.

More importantly, think about your fiancé! This can't be fun for him to be put in between his wife and his mother. It's just not fair to him, and you owe it to him to keep the peace. Imagine how stressful it would be for you if he felt this way towards your mother.

FH's mother passed away a few years ago, but I can certainly tell you that FFIL is not always the easiest person in the world, but at the end of the day, he is my fiancé's father and for that very reason he will always have my respect.

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I gotta disagree here. Does she deserve respect objectively? Yes, of course. But the bottom line is that they are all adults in this situation deserving of respect - especially the bride! I'm a firm believer that you should treat others how you want to be treated and that your behavior dictates how you want others to treat you. Respect is not a mandate when someone refuses to respect you.

It's terrible that your FMIL will not be there to share in your wedding, but I think that you really can't compare a FMIL and FFIL. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

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Clearly, you haven't met my FFIL

However, I see your point. Women can be way different. I guess it's because I grew up with my two older brothers and saw them both get married. My mom is the most relaxed, keep-the-peace, no drama person. But even I could see how sometimes we really felt like second class citizens and much less important than both my SIL's families. And it definitely hurts.

I guess my point is more so for Angelica's fiancé. For his sake, try to not let it get to you. Think about being put in between two people that you love very, very much and being asked to pick sides. I'm not saying her FMIL is right, not by any means, but I think it's important to try and keep the peace, at least for FH.

And, when it gets bad enough, pick your battles. Is this a huge deal? If you know the answer deep down is no, then just let it go. If the answer to you is 'heck yes!' then fight your battle, and make sure to win it. Just make sure it's worth both the stress to you, AND to FH before you decide.

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

We actually had so much drama with my MIL before the wedding that my shower was bride side only. At the time the invites went out, we were on bad terms with her and hadn't spoken in months. We just decided that the least stressful option was to only invite my side.

My advice to survive through your wedding is just keep as much distance as possible. Not to throw your sister under the bus, but would she be willing to take them on for the rest of the pre-shower drama. Can you just tell everyone that you have no involvement in the shower planning and they should just speak to your sister and leave you out of the discussion? I'm sure you have enough stress without this crap. Your shower is supposed to be a day just for you, it shouldn't be this stressful.

SHES RUINING EVERYTHING! - Long Island Weddings

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Posted by Kroedel87

This may not be the popular response, but I have to say it. You always need to remember that no matter what she does or what she says, this is the mother of your future husband, and the grandmother to your future children. For that reason alone, she will always be entitled to a certain level of respect regardless of how difficult she may be.

More importantly, think about your fiancé! This can't be fun for him to be put in between his wife and his mother. It's just not fair to him, and you owe it to him to keep the peace. Imagine how stressful it would be for you if he felt this way towards your mother.

FH's mother passed away a few years ago, but I can certainly tell you that FFIL is not always the easiest person in the world, but at the end of the day, he is my fiancé's father and for that very reason he will always have my respect.

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