Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Original post by AmyElizabeth
I just got an email from my cousin: 'The invitation states that 2 seats are reserved for us. Was that just for the adults? **** and ***** were looking forward to seeing you get married and celebrating with the family.'
*Sigh*
We decided to go the route of '# of seats reserved' instead of saying 'Adult reception' and now of course it's coming back to bite us. I don't know what to say. I love my cousin and his kids, but frankly one of them has some behavioral issues and I don't trust that he can sit through the wedding without freaking out.
Am I being selfish? I don't know what to say. I feel horrible.
Update: I wrote back to my cousin, and basically said that it was a hard decision, but after thinking a lot about it, and after some experiences we had, we decided that we were going to have an adult-only reception. And that unfortunately it was really an all-or-nothing decision so we went with no kids.
He wrote back saying, no, it's not all-or-nothing; you can invite 'children in the family' which is what they did. (Meanwhile, the only kids we ever considered inviting were family), and that he respected our decision and hope we respected theirs.
So I wrote back, does that mean you're not coming? And he replied, Most likely not.
Girls, I am so upset and hurt right now. I don't even know what to say. Part of me wants to tell him how hurt I am but the other part wants to be like, Ya know what? That's a really shytty thing to do - it's my WEDDING, not a BBQ or something that i didn't want your kids at. But of course I'll probably do neither. I just really can't believe he'd miss my wedding because his kids aren't invited.
Melissa1012
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids!
I am so not looking forward to having to deal with this situation. I already know that there is going to be major drama
AmyElizabeth
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Bumped for update
adelya21
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
aww im sorry! that really sucks & is really childish of your cousin !! but people really become nuts when it comes to their kids, thats the main reason y i decided not to do an adult only wedding.
elp6421
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You are not being selfish!!!! It's your wedding, and you have the right to plan it as you see fit.
Honestly, prior to having children, I bet he would have felt the same way. Your wedding will be perfect, try not to let this get you down!!!!
MrsJPH2012
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
I think its one thing to say you're not coming b/c you can't bring your kids when there are extenuating circumstances, like you live out of town and can't get a sitter for an extended period of time, or something like that. I think its another thing when it sounds like they're doing it to spite you (and the only reason I say that is that he prefaced it with telling you you're wrong and you can do it the way he did it).
That sucks. I'm sorry. Don't let him or anyone else pressure you into changing your mind, but also don't let them get you down. Think of how many big and small decisions you've had to make for this wedding, and they're all yours! You can't go back and question every one of them because you'll drive yourself crazy. Good luck!
DaniandKen2010
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
If ypu are close to them and see them all the time I would reply back that you are really hurt by his decision. I know if it was one of my family that if I didn't say something it would come up a year from or whenever.
win01
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
I wouldn't bother responding back..It will just fuel to it...You explained yourself and that is it... If you don't get a card, then after the date you can verify his 'decision' with, ' I am sorry you won't be there' if you want...but nothing else.
I am having kids at my wedding, but I know most people don't nowadays...It is your decision... I have seen alot of families squabble over this (my FH has that in his family for years over someone's grandkid not being allowed to attend at at very fancy countryclub/golf course and they didn't speak for awhile...It blew over eventually.
Lolablue34
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Posted by AmyElizabeth
Update: I wrote back to my cousin, and basically said that Girls, I am so upset and hurt right now. I don't even know what to say. Part of me wants to tell him how hurt I am but the other part wants to be like, Ya know what? That's a really shytty thing to do - it's my WEDDING, not a BBQ or something that i didn't want your kids at. But of course I'll probably do neither. I just really can't believe he'd miss my wedding because his kids aren't invited.
I am going through pretty much the same thing right now and cant tell you that you ARE NOT WRONG! People are outrageous at times!
AwaitingAugust
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
I'm so sorry your cousin is being so childish. It's really wrong of him. As you said, he should respect your decision. And sorry but 'children in the family' pretty much means all children (since i'm assuming most of your friends don't have kids)
really stinks but don't let him blackmail you .... he's being ridiculous and rude!
so sorry you have to deal with that
Notwedyet08
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
ugh-sorry you're going through this...although i'm a person without kids...i couldn't imagine ever saying i wouldn't go to someone's wedding (with MORE than enough notice) b/c my kids weren't invited.
I'd probably be the parent trying to leave the kids at HOME! So that i can enjoy myself!
SoonToBeMrsCali
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
You may not want to hear this but if you've been talking about the wedding around them and getting them in the mood 'to see you get married' then I think you should invite them.
You don't have to have it all or nothing, but, if you want them there then you should invite them. The other friends/family shouldn't mind because it really is up to you.
We are inviting my FH cousins but only them because we constantly talk about the wedding when we're at their house. My MoH has two children, she's not bringing them and a couple of my friends have small children too..they are not invited.
AdriandSteve
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miamimerger
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Posted by win01
I wouldn't bother responding back..It will just fuel to it...You explained yourself and that is it... If you don't get a card, then after the date you can verify his 'decision' with, ' I am sorry you won't be there' if you want...but nothing else.
I am having kids at my wedding, but I know most people don't nowadays...It is your decision... I have seen alot of families squabble over this (my FH has that in his family for years over someone's grandkid not being allowed to attend at at very fancy countryclub/golf course and they didn't speak for awhile...It blew over eventually.
ITA. I know you're hurt, but trust me, you shouldn't have to give in to their demand because they are being stubborn. I am sure you were polite in your response, and that's the best you could have done.
AmyElizabeth
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Posted by marisagee
You may not want to hear this but if you've been talking about the wedding around them and getting them in the mood 'to see you get married' then I think you should invite them.
You don't have to have it all or nothing, but, if you want them there then you should invite them. The other friends/family shouldn't mind because it really is up to you.
We are inviting my FH cousins but only them because we constantly talk about the wedding when we're at their house. My MoH has two children, she's not bringing them and a couple of my friends have small children too..they are not invited.
We actually have never mentioned it in front of them - I assume my cousin has though.
And they live about an hour away from the RH, so it's not like they need to make ridiculous accommodations.
I think I'll just let it go for now and see what their RSVP says. I wonder if my aunt and uncle know - and if they support him or not.
jesstangney
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Posted by AmyElizabeth Update: I wrote back to my cousin, and basically said that it was a hard decision, but after thinking a lot about it, and after some experiences we had, we decided that we were going to have an adult-only reception. And that unfortunately it was really an all-or-nothing decision so we went with no kids.
He wrote back saying, no, it's not all-or-nothing; you can invite 'children in the family' which is what they did. (Meanwhile, the only kids we ever considered inviting were family), and that he respected our decision and hope we respected theirs.
So I wrote back, does that mean you're not coming? And he replied, Most likely not.
Girls, I am so upset and hurt right now. I don't even know what to say. Part of me wants to tell him how hurt I am but the other part wants to be like, Ya know what? That's a really shytty thing to do - it's my WEDDING, not a BBQ or something that i didn't want your kids at. But of course I'll probably do neither. I just really can't believe he'd miss my wedding because his kids aren't invited.
I think you absolutely should tell your cousin how upset and hurt you are... and tell them that it is YOUR wedding, NOT theirs and honestly if they can't find it in their agenda to come, that it will change the family dynamic forever, for them to keep that in mind.
FutureMrsCat050412
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
wow thats rude
jesstangney
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Re: Yes, '2 seats are reserved' means no kids! w/ Update!
Posted by jesstangney
Posted by AmyElizabeth Update: I wrote back to my cousin, and basically said that it was a hard decision, but after thinking a lot about it, and after some experiences we had, we decided that we were going to have an adult-only reception. And that unfortunately it was really an all-or-nothing decision so we went with no kids.
He wrote back saying, no, it's not all-or-nothing; you can invite 'children in the family' which is what they did. (Meanwhile, the only kids we ever considered inviting were family), and that he respected our decision and hope we respected theirs.
So I wrote back, does that mean you're not coming? And he replied, Most likely not.
Girls, I am so upset and hurt right now. I don't even know what to say. Part of me wants to tell him how hurt I am but the other part wants to be like, Ya know what? That's a really shytty thing to do - it's my WEDDING, not a BBQ or something that i didn't want your kids at. But of course I'll probably do neither. I just really can't believe he'd miss my wedding because his kids aren't invited.
I think you absolutely should tell your cousin how upset and hurt you are... and tell them that it is YOUR wedding, NOT theirs and honestly if they can't find it in their agenda to come, that it will change the family dynamic forever, for them to keep that in mind.
OK... i take it back... just say you're sorry that he wont be there.... And keep in mind that HIS decision will likely change the dynamics... but that was HIS selfish decision.
