Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I'm getting kind of nervous because FH is not Catholic and he's not happy with the fact that we HAVE to take pre-cana. He doesn't think it's right that any religious faith forces you do something in order to get married.
Did anybody have any bad experiences, or just thought pre-cana was a waste? I need to know what I'm in for!

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I'm a little worried too.
I've heard its sometimes helpful, but usually just boring, but there may be a pro-life speech about 'natural' birth control. the church I'm getting married in is very big no teh pro-life stuff, so I'm afraid this will be a large portion of it.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I actually had a pleasant experience. My DH got through it with no problems. Alot of what they said made sense. I went to Corpus Christi's pre-cana in Mineola. They hardly made any religious references. It was mostly amount the differences between men and woman, differences in family backgrounds, and communication. I think it was very helpful and not scary!

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

FH is Catholic and I am Lutheran.

We decided to have a Lutheran ceremony, less hoops to jump through...

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

FH and I went to Pre-Cana this past fall and it was great. Two couples hosted it for 3 sessions in their homes. We talked about money, children, careers, and getting along. We really liked it. Our hosts didn't lecture about God and told us outright that the wives had used various forms of birth control and they think birth control is a personal matter and using it is only a sin, if you think it is.


This was at St. Anne's in Brentwood and the couples have been doing Pre-Cana for 23 years

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I think pre-cana is a waste - it's sort of like studying for the big test the morning of, instead of preparing for it the weeks prior. But that's jmo.

I know 2 people who had bad experiences - one worse than the other.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

i think pre-cana really isn't to preach so much about the religion but to prepare couples on what to expect about married life...they talk about relationship, money, etc...

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

We actually Enjoyed Pre-Cana. We had a couple that was married for 25 yrs...4 children...Totally great. We spoke about sex, communication, expectations, Respect, ambitions...it really made us think sometimes. We loved it because it reinforced what we already knew, we are great at communicating and we are very compatible.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I don't agree that pre-cana is a waste if you have the right people teaching it. I don't think it should be forced on you though, so I agree with FH on that. Unfortunately I live in Virginia, so I don't know how good the pre-cana is going to be at the church that I go to. I'll guess I'll find out soon enough

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I agree that Pre-Cana is NOT a waste. In my opinion everyone who is getting married should go through something like that. It's not about preaching God or anything. It's about making sure you know the person you'll be marrying. It brings up issues you may have never thought could happen. It's especially helpful for young couples that have never co-habitated and really have no idea about finances, children, sexual issues, etc...

JMO

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

Its not a waste if it is relaly about comminicating etc, but soem are, soem aren't from what I've heard.
Mine is run by 2 couples & the priest who is marrying us inte church's school, s i thinit ay be mor religious than oen at soemoen's house.
that's jsut a guess though.

To me, the worst part is that its 9 hours long ( including lunch & mass, think) , and I can't even sit still for a whole movie!

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I have my pre-cana on feb 28-29th and I have to admit that I am nervous. someone told me that they ask you some deep questions about your future husband and why you truely want to be married. They grill you , is what I heard.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I start tomorrow night. I heard it's actually
good. It's all about communication and
dealing w/certain issues. I'm nervous.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

My FI and I were dreading having to go to Pre-Cana. We thought it was going to be dumb and long and annoying. He is Lutheran and I am Catholic. Anyway, we just finished our pre-cana this weekend and actually enjoyed ourselves. It was at the church in their school's hall. It was run by 4 couples who have been married 25+ years. I can completely see why they do it. It is especially good for couples who haven't thought to discuss some major things that could come up in a marriage. Like, what would do if you found out one of you couldn't have kids? They really didn't discuss religion and the one time they did, they said we all have our own views and preferences and they aren't here to judge. Just to make sure that each couple is on the same page. I wouldn't worry about it at all...

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

Yes, it's not a waste if the people conducting it are using it the way it should be used - and NOT as a ground to preach. Yelling at someone for an hour b/c she said she didn't think she needed to go to church to be close to god, has nothing to do with a marriage. IMO.

And focusing on the couple's sex life is uncalled for as well.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

I had a very good experience. There was hardly any religious talk at all. It was mostly about couples, communication, family and money. We had a couple that were married about 33 years and they talked about their life.

On another note, you shouldn't look at it as forced - it's just one of the steps to go through if you decide to get married in a Catholic Church.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

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Posted by cp0329

Yelling at someone for an hour b/c she said she didn't think she needed to go to church to be close to god, has nothing to do with a marriage. IMO.

And focusing on the couple's sex life is uncalled for as well.

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Are those the friends' bad experiences you spoke of?

I went to Mass at my church this week & the Homily was SO political & narrow minded & preachy & hardly related to the readings, that I am worried about htis church.That was the pastor. The assistant pastor is marying us & overseeing the pre-cana. This is also the church that wouldn't let us have a ceremony without a mass since we are both Catholic.

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

It's really not bad - I took it last summer for an entire day and was totally dreading it. But they actually had some really good questions about future and got FI and I talking about stuff. There is very little preaching (we had a married couple and they were pretty normal). They DO mention the whole rhythm method, no contraception thing, but it wasn't a real focus. We were with a big group and class participation was definitely NOT mandatory. I am a fallen away Catholic and didn't want to do the Church thing, but it made my parents happy. But I have to say the class has some interesting questions that separately ask you and FI about money, family, etc that you may not have thought of before. We really did learn from it.We also had a good time making fun of people (but that's just us)

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

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Posted by gilgo31

We also had a good time making fun of people (but that's just us)

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Hee hee - that will SO be me and FH! We're so bad...

Re: Has anybody ever had a BAD experience with pre-cana?

then dont marry in church i actually learned alot about my dh at precana, i liked it!