i feel like the worst newlywed ever

i just don't feel like the wedding was worth it ... not for a second ... don't get me wrong - i love DH and i don't regret marrying him .... i'm talking about the wedding day itself. I don't feel like it was worth the money, time, stress, drama and bs ....

i had a great time that day ... but not enough to counteract all the crap i had to deal with the past 9 months of planning ....

the fact that i feel this way makes me feel awful ... i thought newlyweds always think it was totally worth every second of planning and every dollar they spent ..... why is it that i don't feel that way at all?!

i tried talking to DH about it last night but he just said that to him, it was totally worth it and then he fell asleep (we were in bed talking) so he didn't help.

am i the only one feeling this way?

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

don't feel bad! everyone is different...just bc some of us feel like every second of stress and money was worth it..not everyone does. It doesnt make you a bad person!

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

If you can, get a hold of the book 'One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding' by Rebecca Mead.

Mead documents how stressful modern planning is, from many interviews with vendors and professional wedding planners from all over the country.

She's a sociologist by training and comes to a really thought provoking conclusion. Back in the day, getting married was really stressful. A young woman was living at home with her parents, and as a newlywed she would have a lot of changes, aside from the ones we have today like adjusting to being married and maybe a name change. It would mean
-moving away from home and parents/family for the first time
-possibly learning to cook and clean for yourself for the first time
-moving in with a 'roommate' for the first time
-spending all day and night with hubby for the first time
-having sex for the first time

So being a newlywed could be stressful, it was a lot more like what, say going away as a college freshman is today.

As women gained more autonomy and young people moved out earlier or moved in with boyfriends/girlfriends and had sex before marriage, the transition to marriage was a lot easier.

However getting married is a rite of passage in all cultures. Because of this, there has to be some kind of trial or obstacles to overcome to prove you really made it to the next stage of life. Mead proposes that the insanity of modern wedding planning is a 21st century hazing ritual for engaged women, so they can prove they really want to get married. Some of it is very explicit - embarrassing games at a shower or bachelorette party look a lot like fraternity or sorority hazing. But aren't seating charts and finding a bridesmaids dress all your friends can agree on kind of like that too?

Just some food for thought.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by LisaR51510

If you can, get a hold of the book 'One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding' by Rebecca Mead.

Mead documents how stressful modern planning is, from many interviews with vendors and professional wedding planners from all over the country.

She's a sociologist by training and comes to a really thought provoking conclusion. Back in the day, getting married was really stressful. A young woman was living at home with her parents, and as a newlywed she would have a lot of changes, aside from the ones we have today like adjusting to being married and maybe a name change. It would mean
-moving away from home and parents/family for the first time
-possibly learning to cook and clean for yourself for the first time
-moving in with a 'roommate' for the first time
-spending all day and night with hubby for the first time
-having sex for the first time

So being a newlywed could be stressful, it was a lot more like what, say going away as a college freshman is today.

As women gained more autonomy and young people moved out earlier or moved in with boyfriends/girlfriends and had sex before marriage, the transition to marriage was a lot easier.

However getting married is a rite of passage in all cultures. Because of this, there has to be some kind of trial or obstacles to overcome to prove you really made it to the next stage of life. Mead proposes that the insanity of modern wedding planning is a 21st century hazing ritual for engaged women, so they can prove they really want to get married. Some of it is very explicit - embarrassing games at a shower or bachelorette party look a lot like fraternity or sorority hazing. But aren't seating charts and finding a bridesmaids dress all your friends can agree on kind of like that too?

Just some food for thought.

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Wow... that's really very interesting... I kind of like looking at it from that perspective.

Thanks for sharing that.

And Mor... You're not alone...FM me if you ever want to talk.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by LisaR51510

If you can, get a hold of the book 'One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding' by Rebecca Mead.

Mead documents how stressful modern planning is, from many interviews with vendors and professional wedding planners from all over the country.

She's a sociologist by training and comes to a really thought provoking conclusion. Back in the day, getting married was really stressful. A young woman was living at home with her parents, and as a newlywed she would have a lot of changes, aside from the ones we have today like adjusting to being married and maybe a name change. It would mean
-moving away from home and parents/family for the first time
-possibly learning to cook and clean for yourself for the first time
-moving in with a 'roommate' for the first time
-spending all day and night with hubby for the first time
-having sex for the first time

So being a newlywed could be stressful, it was a lot more like what, say going away as a college freshman is today.

As women gained more autonomy and young people moved out earlier or moved in with boyfriends/girlfriends and had sex before marriage, the transition to marriage was a lot easier.

However getting married is a rite of passage in all cultures. Because of this, there has to be some kind of trial or obstacles to overcome to prove you really made it to the next stage of life. Mead proposes that the insanity of modern wedding planning is a 21st century hazing ritual for engaged women, so they can prove they really want to get married. Some of it is very explicit - embarrassing games at a shower or bachelorette party look a lot like fraternity or sorority hazing. But aren't seating charts and finding a bridesmaids dress all your friends can agree on kind of like that too?

Just some food for thought.

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that's really interesting! i thoroughly loved my wedding, but this sounds like a good read. i went against a lot of the norms at weddings and found that family and friends would often get upset that i was breaking tradition/rituals. oh well, i pleased myself and my husband! .

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

You also just finished it all... give it some time. When all the stress wears off and your left with the memories and photos you might feel different. I personally felt it was worth it the very next day... but I know people who didn't and the more time that passes the more they appreciate the day they had.

For now focus on the end result.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

Miamimerger - people freak out if you want to change any little thing, even if most of your wedding is traditional. Good for you for standing up for what you wanted! There were some non negotiables at my wedding that were 'non-traditional' and I'm glad I held my ground.

There are some people who go all out and do something very different, http://offbeatbride.com has some examples. Some look amazing, and some aren't to my taste.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

I feel EXACTLY the same way LOL
I just had a couple that are getting married in 2 weeks ask me over the weekend 'so was it the best day of ur life?' 'HELL NO' was my answer.
the day was so stressful and ppl (ie my entire family) kept getting on my nerves, florist fked up majorly, plus NO ONE was on time anywhere and forgot from speeches to DH's talit at the bridal suite (my bro had to run mid ceremony back there to get it), ppl were talking during our ceremony super loudly, and the list goes on and on
plus put on top of that all the stress of my family staying with us and the awful week I was having leading up to it - it aint much of happiness

honestly? I am glad. if that one day wouldve been my happiest day of my entire life I really have nothing more to look forward to. I should just drop dead now. (this is my personal outlook so plz dont take it the wrong way)

but I feel that it was worth it - just for the dress, m/u and hair and the way I looked that day. I will never look THAT good ever again. and all the $$$$ we spent were worth to me just for this little thing.
I'm weird, I know LOL

and Mor dont feel bad - u havent gone on ur HM yet, and that my friend is THE BESTEST

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

wow im so surprzed to hear that. this day was probally one of the best days of my life so far. and i know that i probally wont have that much excitement again until we start having kids and im giving birth

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

actually, i was not stressed out at all on the wedding day itself and we only had a few minor glitches ... i liked the way i looked and everything was good ....

but it wasn't THAT good that it makes up for the past 9 months of hell that i went though.

and i agree, it was not at all the best day of my life .... it was fun, but not the most fun ever!

can't wait till my HM ... i DEIFNITELY need a vacation


Thanks everyone for your kind words!

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

I loved my wedding day...I had a great time, I know I looked absolutely beautiful, I think everything went mostly well...

BUT...I dunno. I planned for 15 months and it was SO stressful...I just wish I had hired a different DOC so that I wouldn't have had to deal with the myriad of problems that arose that day. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I would do it exactly the same way if I had it to do over again.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by MikesBride2B

I loved my wedding day...I had a great time, I know I looked absolutely beautiful, I think everything went mostly well...

BUT...I dunno. I planned for 15 months and it was SO stressful...I just wish I had hired a different DOC so that I wouldn't have had to deal with the myriad of problems that arose that day. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I would do it exactly the same way if I had it to do over again.

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THIS!

I wish i would have hired a DOC period... i would have definitely enjoyed myself more

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by AngnShaun

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Posted by MikesBride2B

I loved my wedding day...I had a great time, I know I looked absolutely beautiful, I think everything went mostly well...

BUT...I dunno. I planned for 15 months and it was SO stressful...I just wish I had hired a different DOC so that I wouldn't have had to deal with the myriad of problems that arose that day. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I would do it exactly the same way if I had it to do over again.

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THIS!

I wish i would have hired a DOC period... i would have definitely enjoyed myself more

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abso- freakin-lutely

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by MrsC2010

don't feel bad! everyone is different...just bc some of us feel like every second of stress and money was worth it..not everyone does. It doesnt make you a bad person!

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ita..it all depends on the person..feel better

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by regy_k

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Posted by AngnShaun

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Posted by MikesBride2B

I loved my wedding day...I had a great time, I know I looked absolutely beautiful, I think everything went mostly well...

BUT...I dunno. I planned for 15 months and it was SO stressful...I just wish I had hired a different DOC so that I wouldn't have had to deal with the myriad of problems that arose that day. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I would do it exactly the same way if I had it to do over again.

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THIS!

I wish i would have hired a DOC period... i would have definitely enjoyed myself more

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abso- freakin-lutely

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not sure if it wouldve really made much of a difference.
i had a doc. she was awesome however there was so much crap that went on out of her control. i still get depressed when i think about my wedding day. i felt dreadful horrible awful- my head was pounding and i felt like puking all day cuz my dress was too tight.

im still horrified that the dj didnt 'mix' the music the right way- the entire reason why we hired them and all they boasted about. there were basically 2 different songs playing over each other at the same time. embarrasing. and my flowers were dead.
seriously- i dont regret any moment of this planning and the day and there were certainly highlights. but that wasnt the best day of my life. Feel free to FM me and we can help each other move on with life lol

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by cateydee

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Posted by regy_k

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Posted by AngnShaun

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Posted by MikesBride2B

I loved my wedding day...I had a great time, I know I looked absolutely beautiful, I think everything went mostly well...

BUT...I dunno. I planned for 15 months and it was SO stressful...I just wish I had hired a different DOC so that I wouldn't have had to deal with the myriad of problems that arose that day. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I would do it exactly the same way if I had it to do over again.

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THIS!

I wish i would have hired a DOC period... i would have definitely enjoyed myself more

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abso- freakin-lutely

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not sure if it wouldve really made much of a difference.
i had a doc. she was awesome however there was so much crap that went on out of her control. i still get depressed when i think about my wedding day. i felt dreadful horrible awful- my head was pounding and i felt like puking all day cuz my dress was too tight.

im still horrified that the dj didnt 'mix' the music the right way- the entire reason why we hired them and all they boasted about. there were basically 2 different songs playing over each other at the same time. embarrasing. and my flowers were dead.
seriously- i dont regret any moment of this planning and the day and there were certainly highlights. but that wasnt the best day of my life. Feel free to FM me and we can help each other move on with life lol

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Thats the thing... none of my problems were unavoidable...

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

I've only been on LIW for about a year and a half (maybe a little more) but I'd never seen ANYONE stress more of the details than you did, Mor. I think maybe you just need a little more space between you and the wedding to be able to look back with perspective to appreciate it more.

I remember from the second we were going back to the hotel that evening after our reception feeling elated like everything we had done for our wedding was exactly what I hoped, and any time I think back to the day, I smile. I didn't stress it. I didn't spend nearly as much as I could've on it. I also only planned it in 6 months. There were a few things I would've done differently (especially wish I'd given everyone boxes to take desserts home with them!) and the day wasn't perfect (my DOC was amazing, though and the little things were fixed immediately). In my opinion, overthinking can be your biggest enemy when it comes to expectations and satisfaction.

I'm sure with a little more time, you'll look back on your wedding day and feel really good about it. Your details were spot-on what you'd hoped for. You looked beautiful, and I'm certain your guests had a great time. It's overwhelming to go from doing everything at 100 mph to suddenly a dead-halt, and that stress is probably skewing your view of your special day. But in the end, no matter what, it was just one day of your life. Just like your high school prom or your college graduation, it's one day. You have a lifetime of memories and love to share with your husband now, so don't stress the single day or how you feel about it. Keep moving onward and upward!

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

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Posted by springsandra

I've only been on LIW for about a year and a half (maybe a little more) but I'd never seen ANYONE stress more of the details than you did, Mor. I think maybe you just need a little more space between you and the wedding to be able to look back with perspective to appreciate it more.

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sorry but i TOTALLY disagree with this.... the last week or so, maybe .... but only because i was scrambling to get everything done (as all brides must do), but the rest of the time, i feel i was fairly normal.

as for the wedding day itself, as i've mentioned above, i feel it went realy well. There were a few minor glitches and whatnot, but i was really happy all-in-all. I had a great day and wouldn't have changed anything that day!!!

i had a great wedding day, but it just wasn't worth the money, the stress, and the time i spent on planning it.


ETA: added a sentence to make more sense.

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

I totally understand what you're feeling. I looked back and felt so happy that all the planning was just finally over, but now looking back would I say it was the best day of my life? No, and that was my fault because I stressed way too much that day. If I could've done it again I would've definitely hired a DOC. I think it would've been worth every penny.
I think it's normal for some of us to look back and think that way. For me I have this desire for everything to go perfect. I hated my makeup, my extension curls were falling out from the humidity, I kept fixing myself and missed a ton of shots, was running around like crazy and didn't even get to enjoy myself. In the end, I'm basically just mad at myself

Re: i feel like the worst newlywed ever

i actually had a great time planning our wedding, is it weird that I kinda miss it??

I want to do it all over again. Definitely one of the best days of my life so far (and honeymoon week!)

You also just had your wedding.... i bet in a few years or even months you'll look back on it with more fondness!