Need opinions of past brides!

A dear, dear couple friend of mine and DH's is getting married in September (specifically Labor Day weekend); we all met during grad school in Ohio, but the wedding is in her home state, North Carolina. We were always planning on going to the wedding, but that might have to change. I was talking to one of her bridesmaids (also a friend from Ohio) about how I'm so excited that our daughters (both the same age) will finally get to meet. The bridesmaid told me that the bride is not letting any kids come to the wedding, so she's leaving her daughter with grandparents. I totally understand adult receptions, but we have no one that we can leave our kids with. I know a lot of you had adult receptions (and had to deal with people asking if they can bring their kids), so do you think she'll be super annoyed if I ask about Rivka coming to the wedding? How should I approach it? It's a matter of us being able to go or having to stay home.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

This is a touchy situation.

I had a couple call us and say they couldn't come to the wedding because they couldn't find a sitter. This was maybe a month before the date. They were FILs second or third cousins I believe. Not close at all to the family.

I was mad that they were being nasty about it and in the end, we agreed that they'd all come to the ceremony, but the baby and the Father would go back home and only the mother and older (7 year old) daughter would go to the reception.
In the end, THEY ALL CAME TO THE RECEPTION! It was pretty rude in my opinion seeing as how we all agreed on something else AND we had to make room at a table for these people. These are not people I wanted to make an exception for since we weren't close and DH didn't know them and I never met them before. BUT, if we were close, I probably would have made the exception for them.

Since you're traveling to NC, I assume you're staying in a hotel. Can you call the hotel and find out about babysitting services? I know it will be hard to leave Rivka, but you can do what FILs cousins were SUPPOSED to do? All go to ceremony and only 1 of you go to the reception?

In the end, as I mentioned, if I was closer with that family, I probably would have made the exception, but I was also concerned with my other guests whom I told couldn't bring their kids. I didn't want them to say, 'Hey, what the hell...' when they saw the other kids.

Like I said, it's touchy.
You can ask, but try other options first.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

This is a really tough situation.

I think that it wouldn't hurt to ask (the worst she could say is no), especially if you are close to the couple. However, you should prepare yourself if she does say no, to kindly tell them that you won't be able to make it (if it is true that you do not have any babysitting options). Just as you shouldn't take it personally if they are not allowing kids at the reception, they should not take it personally that your child care arrangements will not afford you the ability to go to the wedding...

And like Becca attempted to do, perhaps a middle-ground agreement can be met that will be accommodating for everyone.

Good luck

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

my friend asked me about 1-2 weeks before the wedding if her youngest (under 1) could come. the oldest (2 years) would go with her MIL to work. apparently the MIL had to work, and she could take the bigger one but not the baby

at 2weeks out, i couldnt deal. so i just told her that if she could TRY to find an alternative that would be great esp. b/c i told others no babies.....

turns out she brought the kid - in jeans. and aside from pictures, i didnt even realize he was there. so i didnt care that day at all

good luck w your situation....and if you do go with rivka, please put her in a dress !!

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

Like others said it's a touchy subject. For me personally I got really upset with my cousin called my mom and said 'Mark and Susan can only come to the wedding if the kids can come' when the invites AND STD's said 'adult reception only'.

I would DEF ask but not in words that are along the lines of 'if my kid can't come, we can't come'. Something a little more suttle. Maybe ask your friend if she has any suggestions on what you can do with Rivka since you are traveling out of state and you do not have anyone to leave her with. Your friend might suggest a friend she has watching someone else's child in the bridal suite or a day care at the hotel. Brain storm together and maybe she'll end up inviting Rivka just to make your life easy and you don't even have to ask.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

Honestly, I never would've thought twice about this and told you to ask her. After being on this site, I'd never ask again. I'd probably wait until RSVP time rolls around and then decline and add a little note that you don't have anyone for Rivka but that you wish you could be there. Who knows? Maybe she'll call you up and say just to bring the baby. That's my passive aggressive approach.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

oh boy......like the others said...def a very touchy subject.

I was very strict abt a 'no children' policy. the only ones that gave me trouble were second cousins that i've never even met....
I got a phone call from the mother (cousin who i never met) and i told her that I was sorry she had to miss the wedding. i'm pretty sure she was shocked and pi$$ed that i said that... (lol) but out of respect to all of my other guests including my MOH who has a baby, i couldnt make any exceptions.

i understand that you wnat to see your friend get married. like Becca said maybe ask the bride if she knows of any alternatives...then again, i'm not so sure if you would want to leave your baby w/a stranger.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

just a suggestion...is there a way to go to NC (are you driving) with another friend or family member? they get a free trip to NC in exchange for watching rivka for a night?

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

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Posted by jilliibabii

Honestly, I never would've thought twice about this and told you to ask her. After being on this site, I'd never ask again. I'd probably wait until RSVP time rolls around and then decline and add a little note that you don't have anyone for Rivka but that you wish you could be there. Who knows? Maybe she'll call you up and say just to bring the baby. That's my passive aggressive approach.

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This

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

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Posted by PhyllisNJoe

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Posted by jilliibabii

Honestly, I never would've thought twice about this and told you to ask her. After being on this site, I'd never ask again. I'd probably wait until RSVP time rolls around and then decline and add a little note that you don't have anyone for Rivka but that you wish you could be there. Who knows? Maybe she'll call you up and say just to bring the baby. That's my passive aggressive approach.

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I agree with Jill's idea.

Re: Need opinions of past brides!

Thanks, everyone! We'll have to figure something out. I told DH a week ago (when I found out it was an adult only reception) that I was more than happy to stay home or even to drive down and just go to the ceremony. He was so upset though, and said we are both friends with the couple so we should both be able to go. I get DH's point, but--as a past bride--I 100% understand the bride; she isn't being rude at all, it's her wedding, haha. We really don't have anyone else that can watch Riv...both of our parents work on weekends, and they have jobs that they cannot take time off for various reasons. I want to ask her about it, but I just don't want to put pressure on her. I'll keep you all posted