Since getting married, has this happened to you?

So my MOH and I were college roommates all 4 years, connected at the hip, finish each other's sentences kind of thing. After college, we were still super close, always hanging out, blah blah blah.

After getting engaged, it got tougher to allocate my time between family, other friends, time with DH and her. We now have different circles of friends (not really close to any of our other college buddies...)

Anyway, now that we're married, I really have not gotten to see her nearly as much as I've wanted to.....And so I recently received a nasty-gram email telling me so.

And I'm pissed! Yes, I get it, I've fallen off the face of the earth a bit, but how about you pick up my phone call to catch up if we can't see each other in person? Yes, I'm on a budget because I'm saving for a house, so I can't go to that concert, fancy dinner, etc, so why not come to my apt in Queens instead of meeting in the city every time?

Am I alone in this?

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

no but 2 months after i engaged by my best friend from college abruptly started blowing me off and when i called her out on it and said 'dude cut the crap what is the problem?'

she said:

'look i know you've worked really hard to lose all the weigh this year and i know you just got engaged and stuff but... i just dont want to hear about it.'

so when i tried to understand by saying 'so because i've gotten skinnier and my boyfriend of 2+ years asked me to marry him... you dont want to talk to me anymore so that you dont have to hear about that?'

'ugh.'

she never responded to a text message/call/FB thing ever again.



this shtt really happens.

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

That's nuts... not exactly the same case, but we're becoming different people. She works from home, I commute 45 mins each way every day. She's living with her boyfriend of 5 years, no engagement (or desire for one) in sight. She's very 'friends' oriented, whereas I think I'm becoming more family oriented...

And you bring up a good thing about the weight! The girl is 5'5', 115lbs and can eat whatever she wants, doesn't work out. I'm shorter and heavier than she is and have to work my a$$ off so I can I stay in the decent shape that I'm in. I hate to choose my workouts after work over hanging out, but yeah at the end of the day, not being overweight makes me happy!

ugh....

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

girls are bitcchess.

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

damnnnn skippy...

and i probably sound like the real bitchhh

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

ive found it harder to have time to spend time with my friends. i love them dearly, especially my bff/moh. so im trying to make sure that i do recapture some of my old habits (like talking to her everyday)

sometimes its easier just NOT to pick up the phone, or send a message....but where is that getting us?!

i would contact your MOH and just explain that you dont like the fact that you arent as tight either. its better for someone to write a nasty message (which shows you CARE) then just IGNORE the issue and let your friendship dissolve

so write her back. call her up. plan a date. talk.

hth. im not perfect on this regard, but its about both people trying!

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

I definitely find it hard to spend time with friends, and for some reason hearing 'We don't see you anymore married woman' rubs me the wrong way.

It's worse now that I'm pregnant. It's not that I don't want to see everyone - I'm physically drained. And just because I don't work, doesn't mean I'm here at home having fun all day.

I feel like my unmarried friends won't understand until there time comes, so I shove off there comments.

Re: Since getting married, has this happened to you?

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Posted by little j

sometimes its easier just NOT to pick up the phone, or send a message....but where is that getting us?!

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This is totally true - and my friend is the biggest culprit of this. I always try calling to say hi, see what she's up to, stay up to date in her life, and she never answers.

And I'm not always available to get together.

It's like neither one of us will bend enough to accommodate each others' lives. And I definitely don't want the friendship to dissolve. I've sent her 'sorry for being a bad friend' flowers in the past and other efforts to let her know I care and I wish we could connect more, but it's not enough.

I will keep trying though and do my best to reach out because I guess, at the end of the day, it is all I can do, right?