Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

So DH's Grandfather and step grandmother are in town. His Grandfather flies out from AZ once or twice a year to visit his first wife's grave. Now I think this is sweet but his 2nd wife usually comes with him! (Also to add to the drama, his 2nd wife is his 1st wife's neice!).

He also visits with some friends and us while he is here but not only does he visit his first wife's grave but he goes to 3-4 cemeteries and visits 20-30 graves. He also gets mad at DH for not visiting his g-ma's grave. There are a lot of issues with this man, too many to list here but does anyone else find this to be odd behavior???? Or is this normal? He is 85 but has been doing it since the 1st wife died 30 years ago.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

---

Posted by Jenn04

So DH's Grandfather and step grandmother are in town. His Grandfather flies out from AZ once or twice a year to visit his first wife's grave. Now I think this is sweet but his 2nd wife usually comes with him! (Also to add to the drama, his 2nd wife is his 1st wife's neice!).

---

Whoa! I wonder how Granny feels about that everytime they visit her grave.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

He just visits random graves? Or are these people he knew?

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

---

Posted by SFAR89

He just visits random graves? Or are these people he knew?

---

People he knew.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

some people do that - my inlaws go to the cemetery to visit their parents fairly often.....my dad always went to see his parents when he lived up here and if he takes a trip to NY he always tries to visit their graves....

i guess i think its nice that he still goes to see his 1st wife even though he is re-married to her niece ....

i dont go to the cemetery, i dont think you need to go to the cemetery to remember someone or think of them....i dont know, i dont really get cemeteries....but i know a lot of people who like to go...

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I have to say though- old people love visiting their friends at their graves. Well, maybe not ALL but some I know do. My great aunt who's a little wacky loves going to funerals and seeing her husband at his gravesite and makes pit stops to all her deceased relatives and friends.

Guess it's weird. But, I guess when you get to that age it's not so weird?

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

my father goes to his 2nd wife's grave with is current wife. i think they go 2x a year. i'm sure he woud prefer to go alone, but his new wife feels the need to be included in EVERYTHING.

when he first got married to his current wife, me and my dad had plans to go to my mom's grave, and i told him that i didn't want his wife there since it was a private thing just for us. well, she got terribly upset, called me up crying on the phone, saying that by not including her it was like she wasn't part of the family. i asked her why she wanted to go to her husband's dead wife's grave?? i guess she only feels like family if she's included in everything.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I'm going to say this is not typical behavior.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

Definitely the kind of behavior that makes you That's alot of people to visit.
I visit my grandmother's grave on Mother's Day and other special holidays.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

i think its way the older generations think, my grandfather used to visit my grandmothers grave almost everyother day for the longest time, and they lived upstate so the cemetery closes in the winter bc u cant plow in there and he used to get so upset waiting for the gates to open in the spring, he said she must get so lonely with no visitors all winter.......

that said i get too emotional going to the cemetery so i like to think of both of them everyday when i pray and that works better for me, i will still go at least once a year to the graves but its very difficult for me...

i guess each person has their own way of remebering those they lost.....and if thats what he likes to do and it makes him happy to do then thats his way

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I see nothing wrong with that. My parents visit their parents' graves at least once a month. We visit on all holidays like Easter, Christmas, Palm Sunday, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc.

To my parents, the saddest thing would be to die and have no one care enough to come visit you, clean your grave or decorate it so people knew you were loved.

I know in Italy, on All Soul's Day you spend hte entire day in the cemetary and you sit by your family's grave and visit other people at THEIR family's grave. It is a beautiful tradition

When I go to Italy, the first full day I am there - we visit all the family graves.

I dont go HERE as much as I should, but once my parents are no longer with us and it is up to me and my siblings - I know we will go more. When we do go, we even clean off other graves b/c it is so sad to see one that no one has taken care of in years and its all dirty or has stuff growing all over it. . .

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

also, chances are that when you live to see 85 you know A LOT of people who passed away....so i guess that is why he has so many people to see.....and i agree older people do that....thats how it was back in the day i guess?

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I dont necessarily see anything wrong with him visiting the graves, especially if he wants to pay respect to friends and family.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

a bit odd, but I go to the cemetery fairly often.

At Pinelawn I go to my mom, my MIL, my BIL's dad, and now my friend's husband.
It's hard to explain, I know that their spirits are not there, just a body is buried underground, but I feel strangely comforted.
I usually trim the grass around the memorials, wipe the dust and dirt off of the memorials, and leave some flowers. With my mom, I sit there and drink my coffee (coffee was our special time together). I sometimes talk 'to' her. Just makes me feel better.
My aunt is buried in Calverton,which is a hike for me and I only get there about once a year.
DH's uncle, aunt and cousin are buried in Elmont, and there is no one to look after their graves, so that will be another stop for me.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

A lot of peple I know generally visit the grave of their loved ones once or twice a year. I think the older you get the more you do it. Now visiting 20-30 people and taking the 2nd wife to the 1st wifes grave is a tad odd....but that just my opinion.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

OK maybe it is normal behavior. I just always thought it was odd but now that I hear a lot of people do it I think I understand. I guess if my husband died I would go see his grave too, same with my parents. I dont know if I would make special trips for it but we'll see. Dont want to think about that right now!

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I guess everbody is different. My brother has only been to my dads grave a couple of times, my other brother a little more than him. I actually go frequently and sometimes will just sit there for hours because I get lost in thought and just want time to be with my dad

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I think visiting cemetaries (can't spell) was something that was very common with our grandparents generation. My grandmother would always go with her sister and mother to visit children who had passed and their father. When my great grandmother, grandmother and others started passing away it would be a bi-weekly excursion for my aunt.

I personally try to go to the cemetary for my grandmother once or twice a year.

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

I cant speak for him but.....My family does this. One b/c being Italian (Lots of my Italian friedns families go to cemeteries). Also, b/c its an old school thing to do. My great aunts and grandparents go all the time. I think this is normal. I live upstate and everytime I come home to LI (once a month) I do the cemetery visits!

Re: Visiting Cemetery Graves...hmmmmm interesting post

SInce my Grandma passed away in October I went for the first time on Palm Sunday because always got palm for her, I will also be going on mothers day early. It gives me comfort when I go. I will prob visit parents more often if something happens to them. But i try not to think of that stuff yet!!