Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

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Posted by MLAngelo
You also just finished it all... give it some time. When all the stress wears off and your left with the memories and photos you might feel different. the more time that passes the more they appreciate the day they had. For now focus on the end result.

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I stumbled across another bride's recent post about feeling lousy that her wedding day wasn't the BEST day of her life. I enjoyed my day. I really did. It was truly beautiful and nothing major went wrong. Thing is, I want to write a review but I can't seem to come to grips with some parts where I feel angry or disappointed so it is ruining my memory of the day. It doesn't help to read these reviews about how great vendors were and how everything went perfect from other brides. BTW, I don't think every bride on here is writing a review. Also, I think it's dangerous to expect perfection or something so 'over the top' leaving no room for anything but disappointment. That is why I am taking the advice of MLAngelo (above) who made the point that as time passes, I'll appreciate the day more. So here is my anti-review for now-just to get it off my chest. Sorry to sound negative and unappreciative but I need to rant.

My story
I got married May 29, 2010. I am a late bloomer and a young 40-something never married, no kids. I had your normal wedding with a large bridal party. However, I find myself comparing now to other brides and their raving reviews and as they say, 'Compare, Despair'.

Everything was beautiful and for the most part, everything went fine, no major problems. I was oddly calm but I think that happens to me for big moments sorta like being in shock. I kinda floated thru the day like a dream. Problem is, esp when you plan for a long time, the expectation level is soooo high, there's almost no way to go but down. And, the pressure to feel like it's your BEST DAY ever, is not realistic. There are so many days in your life, even some odd, nothing days where you happen to be in a good mood or something spontaneous happens and you always have fond memories of that particular day. It really is one random day out of your life and not a fairy tale, perfect event. I had to remember it's truly about getting married to FH and while I had fun for months planning, I finally started getting stressed over the details and sick of the planning and anticipation. By the end, I was kinda glad for it to be over so I can move on and plan other things for our future.

For me, I was so excited, such a girly girl with all this stuff but I happened to be unemployed in a dreadful economy and between FH and I, we only have my mother to help pay and she is 78 yrs old. So without much money and high expectations, I cut corners and I guess that's where I see differences. Not sure if reading other bride's reviews are helpful as they seem to be able to afford so many little things that I just couldn't and yet we spent a lot of money.

Photographer
I loved my photographer but she's only been doing this for 4 years which I found out afterwards. Everyone on here luvs her and recommended her plus I liked her gallery. Photography is my hobby so I know a little something and can see where better shots could have been taken plus I can see other's photographer's work on this site. She does good work and is a wonderful person and I plan on writing a good review but the brides she's worked with RAVE and I can't do that so it makes me feel bad. I feel bad writing anything negative about any vendor that truly tried and did their best but I really don't want other brides to make the same mistakes and I'm not about to fake it. I've learned a lot and want to pass it on but hate to be negative. So again, wondering if I should bother writing a review?

DJ
Another gripe, I didn't make it clear enough to the DJ about MUST PLAY songs. I am sooooooo disappointed as I can't believe certain family songs and personal favorites weren't played.

Limo
While the limo drivers were nice overall, the limo company never called to confirm so we wound up with a $400 balance the day of the wedding. It was thru an 'all wedding vendors under one roof' so the lack of direct contact was the mix up there. Who remembers the 20% tip was in the contract and then the overtime and sales charge? We didn't hire them directly. Anyhow, the limo picked up FH at the hotel and the first thing he told FH was that he owed $400. Then, while I was waiting in the limo and before walking down the aisle, the guy popped his head in and told me the same thing. I was stumped but had no choice but to shrug it off until after the ceremony to deal. On the way down the aisle as a married couple, both drivers buzzed around us like vultures for this extra $400. Luckily I put aside for the over time I knew about and FH had some cash in his wallet. We paid and went on with our day as there was no reason to let it ruin things. But still, I am annoyed and I think rightfully so.

Wedding Dress
All my life I was a size 8 or at times even a 4. Really don't think it's cuz I'm older, maybe partly, but I am on medication that put 50 lbs on me these past few years and I really can't seem to diet or exercise to get it off. I tried but it's hard. Then my mom wound up in the hospital with congestive heart failure 3 weeks prior to my wedding. Luckily, she was fine for my wedding day but it freaked me out earlier that month. My knee was out of whack so I had to stop going to the gym 2 months prior so I just accepted it and said 'F' it. Most brides on here are prob younger and very thin and then there's me with thick arms and a double chin and ughhhh! I loved my dress but I'm not sure it was flattering to my body/waist and, why is every dress strapless!!!!!! I luv cap sleeves so I had my dress modified and added caps but the back was horrible and while I wanted to say something, the seamstress was shutting me up as it was a week before my wedding and all I heard was how busy they were and that it was too late to make changes. I went home wondering if I should say something before I regret it but I didn't and now I regret it. First the material and color didn't match as I'd would have liked. I hated the back. Then the cap sleeves tore during the garden formals so I snipped if off at the CH for a different look and to feel less restricted but then my dress was slipping down as if was altered to fit WITH the caps. I am horrified that no one told me how much my corset/bra was showing at the reception which I found out recently when I got back my pro wedding pics. The photographer took so many pics and close ups without telling me to pin it up nor did anyone else tell me. What were people thinking? I found out afterwards that guests didn't want to mention the bra showing so as to not embarrass me. Then, when I got out of my shoes into flats the dress was too long so I tripped over my dress the rest of the night. My bustle broke and that was an extra pain. I wanted a comfortable yet pretty, 'end of night' reception dress which everyone talked me out of cuz it wasn't 'practical' and 'too much money' and I should have listened to my gut. That's what I learned from this wedding. To go with my gut feeling and since then it has worked out every time.

Another thing in the world of bridal fashion is that the European dress sizing is two or three sizes bigger. As a size 14, I think my dress was ordered as a size 20! Then I had to bear trying on sample size 10 dresses that didn't fit me while most other brides were thin, young brides trotting about comfortably.I hated how the seamstress pinned down the front to make it look like a sweetheart neckline. My boobs looked like they were falling out all night.

Wish I could look at my wedding photos and feel pretty but I don't. I also think it's a matter of perspective. If you aren't feeling good about yourself, in my case I never dreamed I'd be a fat bride, it's hard to be thrilled! I have a friend who was 5 months pregnant and walking down the aisle. She doesn't have the fondest memories of feeling pretty either.

Venue-bridal attendant and cake
Another gripe that is not beneficial to being on this site at times is that I hear about other brides from the same venue who got things I didn't because apparently they bitched. My bridal attendant wasn't so attentive that I feel the need to rave? I barely knew what she looked like and had she been so attentive, my bra wouldn't have been showing, right? :) The cake came with the venue but one bride got her cake with 2 extra tiers and fondant for no extra charge. My cake was a bit lop sided and they smoothed out the buttercream to make it look like fondant which it doesn't so it winds up looking like wet paint. It was pretty enough so I didn't let it bug me too much. But afterwards, to find out I could have had fondant if I bitched too, well that's annoying to hear. And I always love the wedding cake and was excited about it.

Shopping for undergarments and other stuff
I also didn't feel all that catered to as a bride. I went shopping for my corset and some bold, older, loud mouthed lady came in and they were short of help, so I wound up standing around naked in the dressing room not getting attended to. Once again I wound up struggling between not wanting to be a ***** nor an *** for being too nice. I figured maybe I was watching too many bridal shows where it's like no other bride ever existed. Again, I think money talks and I had to be conservative with my money. Also, the squeaky wheel gets the oil and I was very conscious about not being a bridezilla.

The End Result
Guess I'll give it some time to get over the minor disappointments that seem to be taking over my wonderful day and the fact that I married a great man, had the most beautiful weather ever with flowers and all my closest family and friends came from far and wide to be there. Still, a girl's wedding day sits in her mind like a Disney flick for all her life and if you are fanciful like me and are going to compare your day to others, you'll likely fall victim to some disappointment and feeling gypped. Maybe I'll give it some time so I can forget the minor aggravations and appreciate the day for how wonderful it truly was after all. And then maybe, I can sit down and write a review that I am excited about.

Thanks for listening

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I'm sorry that you were disappointed with many aspects of your wedding day but in the end that's all it is, a day.

You married a wonderful man and I can see from your pics how happy you are together. You're both glowing!

As someone who has BTDT over three years ago now, the minor issues of the day disappear and all you remember is the good stuff.


Go happily into your married life and realize it was just a day. There are so many more adventures to look forward to.

Good luck

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

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Posted by BunnyBride

As someone who has BTDT over three years ago now, the minor issues of the day disappear and all you remember is the good stuff.

Good luck

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Thanks. Also think I needed to write and 'let go' of these disappointments so I can focus on all that went well that day.

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I do think you should write a review... it might help brides. You say everyone raved about your photographer and you don't feel that way. Don't be harsh, just say how you really feel. You can say basically what you said here and post her proofs.... this way others can judge for yourself. I have to be honest I think everyone is going to feel to a degree that there are shots you wanted but didn't get, the problem is the day is such a whirlwind. Like my dad and I are not thrilled with the pics of us dancing together, but we never both looked at the camera. And I didn't get a CU of my bridesmaids around me, but then I was very rushed in the morning. But you should be honest and write in your review how you feel and rave about the things you think deserve raving about.

I didn't give my florist the best review because they messed up. I loved the flowers but they messed up and I called them on it.

But I also think you should wait a bit longer... again as you get away from the stress of your wedding you might see it in more perspective.

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

Congrats on your wedding. I got married at 38 and I looked at it as whether you're 25 or 65 its still exciting. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I can relate. I too was on a budget. I had things go wrong on my day too. Even if I wasn't on a budget, I felt things could have gone wrong too. My boquet had dead flowers and they turned brown before I walked in the church. The centerpieces were also the wrong color and my cake wasn't what I wanted; the priest screwed up the sequence of the ceremony and I had no singing, just music. My brother walked me down the aisle and after it was over, I realized it was just a both for him. I didn't let it ruin my day. The day after I had a major crying fest about the flowers and a the other things. I dwelled on stuff for a few months but then it passed. Its normal to dwell when things didn't go exactly the way you planned. Enjoy being a newlywed.

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

You should write an honest review based on your experience. People take reviews into consideration when making vendor choices so you may prevent another girl from having the same experience. As for the negative things fading they will with time. In a few years you will remember them but they will likely not seem so important. The important thing is you are married to your DH.

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I'm sorry you were disappointed with your day. As someone who also married later (I was 40) I can relate. I had a good day, but there were a lot of little things that went wrong that upset me and didn't exactly ruin my memories of the day, but definitely marred them. I have also BTDT 2 yeasr ago and have had some time to think, and I believe what happened is twofold: 1) after reading so many rave reviews, it sets you up for disappointment psychologically. and 2) if I may say this...being 'older' and possibly more mature (?)...I think your perspective changes. Things that maybe you might've thought were fabulous in your 20s and 30s may not be the same now. Or maybe we are jaded slightly, not sure of the why lol.

One thing I did for myself to help my feelings about certain things was a TTD session. We got great pics and I was so happy about them. Not that my photog didn't get great pics...but when we did TTD it just made me feel better. Almost like we were creating new memories if that makes any sense? So maybe that's something you might consider doing..esp since you mentioned something about your pics.

As far as your review...I think you should definitely write one. Brides read those to get honest feedback about vendors...you would be doing them a big favor if you did write one. Just be careful about how you phrase your not-so-glowing comments...

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I think an honest review is ALWAYS helpful... good or bad!! i mean how many reivews can be like photograher A++++++++++++++++++++??? i think you should just tell it like it was on that day! and then let all be mildly bad crap go away and focus on the good!! maybe for your 5 year anneversery have a reception that You and DH would like(something small just for you two) My BFF had a horrible wedding and she has been talking about a re-do for a while now!

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

im sorry u feel so disappointed by ur day..im sure it was beautiful..and from what it seems u had no major prob which iss great cause we have heard some stories for instance like jessica having no wedding cake..so things could always be worse..

most brides have issues..we had some..fox hollow meesed up the seating and a tablw which had my brother and sisters was supposed to have 14 chairs and they only put 11 so the waiter would not feed the other 3...it got fixed after 1 hour..and yes they ate but 1 hour after everyone

they were supposed to refill the candy buffet and they never did so half my guests didnt get favors..

my bustle broke after first dance and i had to hold up dress the whole night

it was mid october and it was 39 degrees so my pics everyone was freezing..

my mc left after the speeches cause of a fmaily emergency..

i couod go on but ya know what we let it go...it was our wedding and we had a blast..through the good and the bad and i would not change a thing cause it was perfection..they day i married my best friend and if everything would have gone smooth it still would have been amazing...things happen and we get through it or should cause its our day and nothing should ruin it

as for girls that bitched..i kinda wished i did cause things might have went better..i was kinda quiet during the planning and forgot to get things in writing etc...i would not fault a girl who bitched andgot what she wanted...i think she is actually smart

bottom line..i say if u want a review go for it..they r helpful to so many people good or bad.i hope u feel better and im sure in time u will

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

so sorry all that happened but it could have been worse and in the end it was all about you marrying your DH! i will FM you regarding writing a review...

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I'm sorry you seem disappointed with some aspects of your day, though it seems to me a lot of those things are not vendor-related (i.e., the clientele of the bridal shops you went to, the sizing of wedding dresses, etc.). If you had a less-than-perfect experience with a vendor then you should write about it ... in fact I've seen plenty of less than stellar reviews on here over the years ... so I'm not sure why you feel like you are alone in that.

At the end of the day, you married the man you love. The day cannot be perfect; no one should go into it thinking that everything will go off without a hitch - that's unrealistic. You had no major snafus (like the 2010 girl whose florist never showed - can you imagine???) so in my eyes, that's a big success! And now you get to spend the rest of your days experiencing your marriage - your wedding is just one day.

Hope you feel better!

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

Oh wow! Great responses. I do think some of the minor annoyances will disappear esp once I stop focusing on them. I didn't realize that not everyone gets all the photo shots they wanted. So, was starting to get overly upset about the ones my photographer missed.

I don't think this is the place to blast a vendor as that is in the 'rules' on the Bride's Review board. I know of someone who got deleted due to that. There are certain things I wished I had done like make a better, MUST PLAY and MUST TAKE PHOTOS list. It is a whirlwind of a day so I didn't realize that certain scenes or songs weren't played.

I haven't read lots of reviews to be fair. Just seemed like the ones I read were so over the top, raving, with A+++++++++++, I found myself second guessing my own day and memories. That's no one's fault but my own. Perhaps I am older and not feeling like I was crowned on that day to feel so over the top. I was happy. It was very beautiful. I wasn't treated like royalty. Was I supposed to be? Again, watching TV and reading some of these reviews, started playing with my head.

BTW, since the weight thing was one of my real downers and how I looked in my dress, (another thing about seeing all these young and thin brides on here), I may take the advice of doing a TTD in the Fall which was always my favorite. I wanted to wear my hair down and get my dress back to it's original cut-just so mad that I had it modified and didn't like it), and maybe that will help as someone suggested.

October will be 6 months. I can aim for those photos.

Thanks again for the support and responses.

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

Also over 40 no kids bride. There are things looking back that could of been done better but overall I was happy.
I think the pressure of it being perfect is unattainable.

edit: Highly suggest TTD. I got pics I didn't get day of. YOu are more relaxed too!

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

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Posted by dfw343
Highly suggest TTD. I got pics I didn't get day of. YOu are more relaxed too!

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Do most people REALLY Trash their dress during their TTD session? Figured I'd just walk around knowing the bottom of my dress will get dirty, (it's dirty already-the rest is fine) and take pics by a lake when the leaves are turning in October. Always dreamed of an Autumn wedding so figured for our 6 month anniversary, it would be fun to do and also wanted to wear my hair down.

Not actually trashing my dress. Anyone else doing the same or actually trashing their dress? Yikes!!

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

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Posted by piscescutie2002

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Posted by dfw343
Highly suggest TTD. I got pics I didn't get day of. YOu are more relaxed too!

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Do most people REALLY Trash their dress during their TTD session? Figured I'd just walk around knowing the bottom of my dress will get dirty, (it's dirty already-the rest is fine) and take pics by a lake when the leaves are turning in October. Always dreamed of an Autumn wedding so figured for our 6 month anniversary, it would be fun to do and also wanted to wear my hair down.

Not actually trashing my dress. Anyone else doing the same or actually trashing their dress? Yikes!!

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I just posted my trash the dress pics, but you don't HAVE to trash it. A lot of people even refuse to call it 'Trashing the Dress' and instead call it a 'Day After' or 'Rock the Frock' shoot. Most photogs charge about the same price as they would for an e-pics shoot. I have pricing for a number of different photogs if you're interested!

Also, I think if you weren't 100% completely satisfied on your wedding day that's all the MORE reason to write a review. I didn't look at the reviews hoping just to see A+, A+, A+ for every vendor! I take those reviews with a grain of salt! I have to say our vendors were excellent, but even still- they didn't all get A+s!! I was very honest about my experiences and I think you should be, too. Just word it carefully so it doesn't get pulled. Avoid inflamed statements and just stick to the truth! Good luck!

Re: Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?

I def know what you mean... I wasn't 100% happy with some of my vendors but I felt like there were ones that did an awesome job and I didn't want to not write a review because of the few mishaps that occurred.

As long as you're just stating the facts in your review and not writing 'This vendor sucks, don't use them' your review won't get pulled... at least mine didn't.