Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

I agree Shamma. You have to find something you are comfortable with, and then you'll WANT to go, you won't feel like you're forcing yourself.

Just wanted to add that I'm impressed at how this conversation turned out. They always say you should never discuss politics or religion, but it seems like we all were able to voice our feelings while still respecting the feelings of others.

Way to Go Everybody!!

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Interesting that so many of us are Catholics yet do not fully agree with the religion and I am one of them. Both Gary and I are catholic and were raised that way yet we both decided not to get married in the church (we had moved and hadn't joined one anyway and also both don't neccesarily agree with the religion overall).

When we have kids I totally agree with bringing them up with a religion and that will be with what we know. I will probably join a church once we have kids and start going more then. This is what my parents did and my Mom always told me that she didn't need to go to a church to be a good catholic and I do agree with that....

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Stacy - you took the words out of my mouth...Interesting that so many of us are Catholics yet do not fully agree with the religion

I wonder why that is? I find it very sad...but, my 'tongue-in-cheek' explaination is good 'ole Catholic guilt...it is as if they built it into the faith!

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

I think it has to do with being raised to question and explore things for ourselves and not to take things at face value. My parents generation went to school and listened to what the teachers told them, I doubt they ever questioned it (regardless if the agreed with it or not). JMO

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Christine, that is a very good point...our parents were raised not to question their elders or any authority, really. When it comes to life in and outside the church these days, women especially are much more vocal about the inequalities and such that make us disagree w/some of the church's 'fundamental' teachings.

I just like the 'guilt' thing b/c I survived 12 years of Catholic school, so it is embedded in my skull!

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Excellent discussion ladies. It's probably one of the few threads where I have read everyone's response. You all have some excellent view points.

I think Teri said it in her original post - that going to Church is not something being done now, but maybe when the kids come. I fall along those same lines.

When I got engaged, there was no question about getting married in a Church. It was just something I was brought up to do and something my parents have always wanted (and me too). But as I got older and moved away from the Church, and then met my husband (he is Protestant), getting married in the Church wasn't as important to me as I thought it would be. However, we still got married in a Church and expect to raise our children in the Catholic faith.

After going to a Catholic school my entire life (even college), I still feel close to the Church at times, and will eventually get back to it one day - even if it takes kids to get me to do it (I know that's a terrible reason). Since we moved I have not registered at our new parish, although hubby and I have gone to mass there several times. I think reading the responses on this thread will give me the push I need to get going again. 1 hour in my week is nothing !!

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Trish, IMO...kids are a wonderful reason to go back to church!

Personally, I don't believe that God 'keeps score' of our visits to the church building. I think the priests (who want our donation money each week) want us to believe that. I think it was Michele who said that it's more important to try to live well and conduct our lives according to God's commandments, than to show up consistently each week despite acting horribly to other people for the previous 6 days.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

i'm not a newlywed (yet!) but just wanted to express my view here.
i am a practicing catholic - church every sunday, believe in the sacraments, teach religous ed., etc. when i got engaged, my first thought was to check a date with the church, even before the reception hall! anyway, like someone else said (i think it was shamma), if you want to go to church, then just do it. the excuses are really only that - excuses.
just like any relationship, the one with God needs to be continuously worked on and paid attention to in order to blossom and grow. the same reason that i get together with friends for dinner and make plans to see them (in addition to speaking on the phone and emailing) is the same reason i go to church every sunday - it's just a part of my relationship with them and God. there are PLENTY of sundays i get up and do not feel like going to church, but when i do, i know in my heart that i did the right thing. Jesus gave up his life for me (and all of you), the least i can do is visit his 'home' once a week.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Like Claud and Trish ... I went through a Catholic upbringing and even went to Catholic school (grammar school only). I taught religious ed too, but my viewpoints are so different now that I just don't want to go to Church anymore. And even though I'm not at Church each week ... I continue to talk to God and build my relationship with him ... so I personally do not agree with visiting his 'home'. God created the world ... so in that case, isn't the world his 'home'.

I think, stacedz and Claud, that the Church doesn't realize that we are in 2003 - their viewpoints are not liberal and therfore are losing a lot of practioners ... JMO.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Definitely think that is a very good point of it being 2003 and the church hasn't changed with the times...good point Christine and Cira.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

I think its great that going to church makes some feel like their relationship with GOD stronger, but not everyone agrees. I dont think my relationship with God (or anyone who doesnt go to mass for that matter) is weaker b/c I dont go to services. I dont believe Gods home is church...a church is just another building on this earth and I really believe that organized religion has instilled this GOD=Church ideal. Its one thing to trust in organized religion and believe in their rules... its another to consider people who dont agree are in some way lacking.


That is part of the reason why I have such issues with the church. It seems that unless you follow their rules blindly, you are to be pitied and looked down upon. I dont think God, Jesus or any higher power respects blind faith...questioning our faith to a point where you can reason why you believe certain things and why you dont believe others is the only way to be a truely righteous life. How else can you know you are living a honorable life?

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

This is, IMO, the best discussion this board has ever seen. No one is bashing, no one is saying anything offensive- this is great!!!!

I do not belief in preaching hatred towards groups of people. I was in a catholic church last year, not my normal one, and the Priest (who was in his 30's) was saying some of the most hateful things I have ever heard about gay and lesbians. How this man thought that he had a right to condem an entire group of people is beyond me. I went into the hall and found the Pastor of the Church and told him his Priest was NO better than a Nazi telling people to hate Jews based on one fact about their life. And I meant it. My sister is gay and I stand behind her 100%.
I also think that very few people are truly practicing Catholics- that means NO premarital $ex, NO birth control other than natural methods. it is truly a religion that is now 'pick and chose' what parts you want to follow- even if the Church doesn't want it to be.
And I would also add that MANY of the 'rules' are man-made. The bible is full of information about God, but you would be hard pressed to find all of the Catholic 'rules' in it.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Michele: I guess thats why I have such problems being Catholic..it feels so hypocritical for me to say Im Catholic but pick and choose what I want to believe. Especially since the very things that differentiate the Catholic church from other Christian sects are mostly the things I have issues with. Which brings me full circle to the original question - i feel guilty that I 'used' a church I dont stand behind to have my wedding ceremony.

Edited to add: I never questioned religion as much as when we were looking for a church to have our ceremony in. I was really appalled at the out and out greed so many churches were openly expressing to us. They could care less about our beliefs, our lives or even our reasons for marrying - all they wanted was a check. And the churches that did seem to care if we were religious were completely unwelcoming ... they didnt even make an attempt to reach out to see if they could 'include' us. Really disturbing. Up until then I always assumed I would raise my children Catholic but that experience really made me doubt and question all the things i had believed up until then.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

the saying that God loves everyone must have been lost on that Priest. He must have missed class that day where they were told that gays and lesbians are people also!! That is one thing that really upsets me about the church...the unwilliness to accept all.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

i believe one can be a practicing catholic or any other practicing religous person and STILL question things and not follow blindly. it's incorrect to assume that all catholics/christians/jews/etc follow their religions blindly.
i believe in my heart and soul that the way i live my life, which includes attending weekly church services, is the 'correct' thing to do. however, i do not condemn or look down upon anyone who does not. although, it does seem some others look down upon those that DO go to church - as if we're dumb blind-sided idiots who have gotten wrapped in a little silly thing called religion.
for those of you who WANT to go to church, or feel that guilt in your heart (because really, no one is chastising you every week because you dont go, it's your own inner feelings - i think!) then go this week and see how you feel! if you'd like to join me (i'm in great neck) send me an FM and i'll gladly meet you there. we have an awesome priest at my church who gives beautiful sermons!

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

I know the Catholic church is antiquated and I know the rules are man made... although this is not the religion that I will raise my children in (or so I say now) I think the underlying message of Catholicism is nice (and the basis for all Christian religions to follow) and I don't think people should throw the baby out with the bathwater...

I think with Catholicism the rules served a purpose at one time just as Jewish laws served a purpose. In the beginning of Catholicism it was important that there was no premarital sex because there were no such thing as paternity tests... Sometimes rules are followed because that's the way things always were. That doesn't make them right- but I think the Catholic church is changing, but it's such a HUGE organization- so I think things take time.

Even though I don't see myself as Catholic I have respect for the religion... Yes, a lot of bad things were done in the name of this religion, but I also think A LOT of good has been done as well... and the good things are never mentioned... food banks, shelters, etc... I don't know many other religions that are as charitable.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

I am one of those people that when I go to church I feel more peace in my life- but, too often, a moron priest (like mentioned before) can just ruin that for months and months for me.
I do not think going to Church or following a religion is 'bad' at all. I don't think anyone on here is judging that way. Each person must find and follow God for themselves. There is NO right or wrong way.

And I totally agree that there are many Catholic organizations that help thousands + people each day. My issue is that the Pope should not be wearing a ring that could feed hundreds of children instead. Mother Theresa is truly the explain that should be followed IMO.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Michele - sadly, I think most of us LI brides, myself included, have rings that can feed hundreds (maybe thousands on some!)

I absolutely love my ring but sometimes wonder how I got ****ed up into the materialistic world to have DH pay all that money for something I wear on my finger. Especially when you see so many ppl starving in a country we just bombed the hell out of. But back to the original topic....

I really shouldn't comment on the catholic religion since I wasnt' raised catholic, but wanted to add my 2 cents: My parents were both raised catholic and then converted, mainly because they were outgrowing the ideas of the church (i.e., birth control, abortion, women's rights, etc) and the very fact that priests cannot to this day have their own family is sad, IMO.
My reverend has a wife and three kids, and I think that's great. That's a whole lot to ask for a man to dedicate his life to God and not have any sort of his own family too. And then you wonder why there's a shortage of priests nowadays. And don't even get me started on women not being allowed to stand up there. But I don't want this to become a RC bashing fest.

I do think my specific religion, fits me best. I'm very liberal-minded, and it seems to be the best fit for me.

I also agree with Shamma and whoever else said that a church is just a building. You can pray to whoever you want, whenever you want, and that's the beauty of living in this country. Can you imagine living in another country and not being allowed to practice your own religion? We wouldn't even be allowed to have this conversation

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Teri: Im sure all of our rings could do a lot more 'good' as a donation than as decoration. But we are not priests, we did not take vows to devote our entire existance to God and we do not wear the rings as a symbol of a devotion to a church. Did you know that Catholic nuns have to take an oath of poverty but priests do not! ***??? So if I give a Lexus to a nun, she has to give it away - but if she give it to her priest, that is okay!

I feel really strongly about the nun issue b/c i went to a Catholic HS and those nuns were so incredibly devoted to the church (no one could be more devoted than these women)...but treated as second class citizens next to priests.

Not RC bashing...there are lots of a good things the Catholic church does as well. Its just very frustrating to see the RC church always ask for money while they are the wealthiest organization on the planet. I have been to the Vatican - its really disguisting how that sort of luxury is kept up in the name of God.

Ok, off the soap box.

Re: 7/22 - QOTD: Church/religious weddings: 4 Does anyone else sometimes feel guilty not attending church after the wedding?

Don't even get me started on how nuns are treated. Did you know that in Africa there was a Priest that raped a number of nuns- because there is such a large AIDS population there he knew that only the nuns were truly 'safe'. Anyway when the mother superior started to notice young, pregnant nuns she went to the Church begging for help because of what this man had done. They IGNORED her pleas. She finally had