Afraid to Ask.....but here I Go!!

Okay Im almost afraid to ask this cause its kinda personal and Im afraid people wont respond but I wanted to get you girls thoughts.....

One thing you DONT see much on the other boards is the down side to marriage...in other words...how much HARD work it is to keep a marriage successful once the pomp and circumstance of a wedding is over.

I always get the impression from most brides to be on here that things are great between their FH and themselves.

My question is, since you've been married, have you ever had any SERIOUS arguments with your hubby. And to those who have...have you gone to counseling? I feel sometimes like Im the only girl who has to work hard to keep my marriage together. ?

I learned a long time ago that being in love has nothing to do with whether or not you can actually have a successful relationship with someone. it takes so much more then that! Theres so many variables!::


Edited for Lurkers!

DH & I have been at each other's throats lately... You are not alone...

TRUST ME...

We have serious arguments all the time....not kidding. Shiit hits the fan regularly around here, its just a matter of communication for us. Nothing more really.

We arent in counseling, we have never really considered it since we know what the problem is and where it lies.

Marriage is not easy, it does take work-and its tough and there will be times you want to throw in the towel and just be done....but when you think that and realize that you dont really want to that is where the work comes in.

DH and I have had 1 or 2, absolute serious fights. But the one thing we know, is we will work it out, cause there is no other alternative.

If it ever gets to the point where I feel like I cannot live with him, we will go to counseling. It does work.

Good luck and congrats for being honest, sometimes, that is the hardest part.

I have to say, I have been extremely fortunate, We have not had ANY fights... sure silly things like doing the laundry or the dishes, or something like that we have gotten a little annoyed with each other, but we really have never had anything major crop up yet, thank God. We have never yelled at each other or gotten upset to the point where we're not talking. But I am sure it will happen, eventually and I feel right now we're building the communication so that when that happens we will get through it.

I commend you for being so honest and open. you're not alone -- marriage is not easy and for me and others, where it easy right now, we'll have our rough patches too.

GOOD LUCK!

The LIF Relationship Board is a great place to visit if you want to feel like you're not alone ... I've seen many members post there about troubles they've faced. You have to be a member to see the board, it is hidden from 'lurkers'

The thing about LIW is that the large majority of posters are girls who are not married yet ... or who have only been married a short time.

LIF members have been there, done that ... kwim? Some have been married for quite a few years. Some have even been divorced, and are considering the possibility of getting married a 2nd time.

DH & I have been married just shy of 7 months now ... and only had 1 really major relationship/trust issue come up so far (which we talked through, and were able to get past it ... though it did take me a few days to truly get over it). But marriage itself is not all roses and rainbows, I have been dealing with health problems since a month before our wedding. It has not been easy for either one of us.

I applaud and commend you for going to counseling to work through things. I really do believe that it has the ability to help if you are open to it, and committed to making things work.

DH and I have been together for almost 11 yrs and it has been a rough road and almost ended a couple of times but as time goes on you work with eachother . The fights are definately still there but we know now how to handle things better and we know at the end of the day we love eachother

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Posted by vmystique33

DH and I have been together for almost 11 yrs and it has been a rough road and almost ended a couple of times but as time goes on you work with eachother . The fights are definately still there but we know now how to handle things better and we know at the end of the day we love eachother

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similarly, dh and i have been together for 7 years, also almost ending a number of times with severe rough patches along the way where I said to myself what the blank am i doing with this guy. but after everything we managed to work it out, love won, and here we are. Maybe getting all that stuff out of the way first has helped us with the day to day crap which doesnt seem so important compared to those hellish days.

i hope i wasnt rambling and helped maybe

Joe and I have always had our ups and downs. If things were always going wonderfully I wouldn't be investing in batteries!

DH and I have been together for 8 years this month (we lived together for 1 1/2 years before marriage) and even before we got married we had our little fights. Since we married 8 1/2 months ago we fight over stupid things around the house and had one or two major disagreements. No marriage is perfect and the 1st year is usually the test and the hardest. So your not alone at all.

marraige is by no means an easy thing! That's why we take a vow before God to stay in it! otherwise why would we have to do that right?

you just have to remind yourself that NOBODY has it all together....there are TIMES when people do, but there is always a time for the rough stuff too. Thankfully dh & i have been very blessed this year and it's been smooth sailin'....but I'm not naive enough to think it will always be that way at ALL. i know our time will come when things'll be rough too...so all i can do is be thankful for what we've got so far. Before we got engaged we actually went through a LOT..almost broke up actually. And it's funny because to this day a lot of our friends have no idea..they're oblivious to the fact..so it just goes to show - even though other relationships may 'look' a certain way, definetly doesn't mean they're always perfect! In our pre-marital class, our counselors told us 'if there are no fights and no arguments you don't care! because u fight when things matter to you..' and it's so true! so don't get down just because u may be goin' through a rough patch...remember - we wouldn't have to take a vow if it was going to be easy! hugs!

ps: never be afraid to post about this stuff! the great thing about this site is that we're all here for each other!

DH annoys the crap outta me on a regular basis. That may sound 'harsh' but its the truth. Oh, and I'm sure I annoy him to no end as well. We have very different 'styles' when it comes to most things -- communication; chores; social commitments, etc. so we definitely have flare-ups every now and then!! But after 6 years together, I know now we'll work it out.... In the early years I was pretty fearful that a silly argument meant we weren't meant to be together, and it was hopeless... nowadays I know we're just different and there WILL be arguments!!
For all our differences on day-to-day stuff, I think we are on the same page about the mega-issues (fidelity, kids, finances, etc) so that helps a lot when things get 'icky' here and there. I've learned to ride it out, only talk when I'm calm, and I try really hard to let go of stuff that belongs in the past (not so easy!!).
Newlywed bliss is GREAT, and we've certainly experienced that, but we've ALSO had the newlywed battles (even after living together for years before we got married!)
I think that counseling is a great tool when both parties want to work out a specific issue (my DH would NEVER do it but even so I'd get help solo if I thought my marriage was suffering)... I think you're 100% totally normal to be going through this adjustment period!!
Don't fear the disagreements, hon - I really think Steve and I have grown from them in a weird way; the happy times and the love are the 'bricks' and the ability to work things out is the 'mortar' I think???

for you and now I'm going to yell at him for not taking out the garbage this morning. Seriously.

Marriage is hard work, and anyone who says differently is either in denial or someone in that relationship isn't being honest with who they are.

I feel that in order to have a healthy marriege both people need to be true to who they are as a person and grow along with their partner while they continue to discover who they are. This will obviously lead to disagreements. But marriage is all about difference of opions adn disagreements. It's how you work together as a couple to let each other still stay true to themselves and yet still work together.

Sure, I've had arguemtns, I had one the night after the wedding while we were packing for the honeymoon. It wasn't a big one but it was a difference of opinion that we each had on what to pack and we needed to get through it, and we did.

I think that every 'arguemnt' 'fight' or 'discussion' you have as a couple that you get through will make you that much stronger adn bring you together closer as a couple!

I think there are some girl son here who married the perfect man. Seriously. They never fight, the DH brings home flowers, they are always happy.... And when I read stuff like that I get jealous because I know how hard DH & I are trying to make it work. It IS work for most people.

Oh believe me, you are not alone at all. We have had some major issues. He has a kid from a previous 'relationship' and the constant 3rd party interference in our marriage causes a lot of stress. Some days its downright depressing but we always figure out a way to work it out b/c as a PP said there is no alternative....well other than someone going out in a pine box

I also have a hard time believing that there is anyone who doesn't have to work at their marriage.

You are definitely not alone. I almosted posted something like this a while ago but chickened out.

One of my most dreaded questions is, 'how's married life?' There were times I'd lie when answering this question, 'oh, it's grrrrreeeeaaaatttt'

DH and I have had some major stuff going on these first 8 months. And there are 2 instances where 'I' could have just throw in the towel. It was for the same thing but 2 different times and the first time I even said to myself, 'I cannot believe my marriage is over' so obviously this was some pretty heavy stuff to be going through for anyone but probably even more so for someone like us married for such a short time. We are working on it. We do not attend couples counseling but we do talk about things we are faced with more.

Marriage is hard and we love each other very very much and are willing to work through this and anything that comes our way.

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Posted by MattandTricia07

I think what is important to remember is that marriages take work- they don't always come easily. I feel that so many people get engaged and plan for their wedding, but not their actual marriage. It takes work and there will be times when you want to scream. DH and I have had our share of arguments, but what keeps us together is our love for each other. No matter the fight, we still know that deep down we love each other more than anything in this world.

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VERY well said!

You and I already talked about this Donna but like I said before....

'Marriage is made in heaven but so is thunder and lightning.'

It takes work but with some faith and taking care of YOURSELF as much as taking care of your spouse, I find it really helps give you perspective.

Marriage does take work but it is my favorite job and one I will gladly do for years to come without pay.

A important thing I learned when we first started living together was to pick my battles. The fact that he uses 7 towels in one day or that he never remembers to turn the pool pump on really annoys me but in the grand scheme it's not a big deal at all. I'm sure I do things that annoy him that he bites his tongue on as well. Sometimes arguments over these silly things would snowball and it would get to a point where we didn't even know what we were arguing about.

DH, it doesn't always stand for darling husband but a more fitting 2 word term with the same initials.


If marriage was easy the divorce rates wouldn't be so high. 50% end in divorce......... the rest end in death