Broken...

Last night my mom and I finally had it out all about my cat! She's HIGHLY allergic to cats but goes to other people's houses to 'suffer' through it but REFUSES to come to our apartment because she thinks we got the cat so she can't come over. It's ridiculous the way she's acting about it and is making me sick!

I am throwing DH a surprise party for passing his A-Test in the union and my mom informed me last night that she won't come and help me set up the day of the party because I have a cat. She informated me also that every decision she makes regarding me and DH revolves around the fact that we have a cat and we did it in spite of her. I understand that it s*cks that she can't come to her daughters apartment but to not help me with anything anymore because we have a cat!

My heart is broken and it feels as though she loves all these people but not me. She makes up her own rules. I was so upset last night I couldn't breathe and DH had to carry me into the bedroom since my headache got so bad that I couldn't walk or move even after using my oxygen. I just keep crying! I don't even know who to talk to about this. My mom is not the most loving person in the world or even close to being the kindest (she doesn't have a filter) but she's never hurt anyone like she hurt me last night!

I'm sorry I just needed to vent and cry while I write this! No need to respond but a couple of hugs couldn't hurt! I have made the decision that if she's not going to help me then I'm not going to her for anything. She even did the childish thing as to change her FB picture to both of my sisters and not me. I'm am going to take this weekend and think about it all and if I still feel the same way that I do now I will kindly call my dad and inform him that I love him and thank him for everything but I would rather not receive anything for Christmas this year or any years after.

Wait until they have Grandchildren! They will NEVER see them! And this is coming from a woman who's parents didn't speak to her HUSBAND because he was Catholic!!!!! Shouldn't she be more compassionate about decisions DH AND I make as an adult couple!!!!!????!!!!

thanks for listening!

I'm really sorry.

Have you ever asked her why she goes to other peoples homes and deals with the cat but not yours?

I'm so sorry!

Maybe Mom needs a jolt of reality, can your Dad talk to her? It's not fair that she thinks she can control YOUR OWN home life that much and expect you to not have a certain pet. That's ridiculous.

I hope this dies down, it's terrible to not have family around

i'd mail her cat hair.

sorry that was mean.


let me try this again,

to me it sounds like something else, she's 'hiding' behind the cat to mask something else thats bothering her.
i'd write her, if she's anything like my mother talking to her will just lead to screaming that will lead to things being said that we dont mean, etc.
so i'd write her and just lay into her.
tell her to grow up and act her age.
you can lock the cat up in the bedroom.

my friends brother is SEVERELY allergic to cats, like-- bad, worst i've ever seen.
but when she got married (in NC) he wasn't about to miss anything, he came back to the house the next day for lunch and hung out ALL day. she put both cats in the bedroom. he did spend a lot of time outside, but he sacrificed for his sister.


i'm sorry she's being so stubborn!

i'm so sorry your mom is being so ridiculous ... hopefully this will get resolved (or at least, blow over) very very soon

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Posted by JAAMS

I'm really sorry.

Have you ever asked her why she goes to other peoples homes and deals with the cat but not yours?

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Thanks for the hugs!

Yeah, I asked her that last night. She said she goes once or people talk her into it. and they aren't her daughter and people didnt' get the cats to spite her!

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Posted by Becca2010

I'm so sorry!

Maybe Mom needs a jolt of reality, can your Dad talk to her? It's not fair that she thinks she can control YOUR OWN home life that much and expect you to not have a certain pet. That's ridiculous.

I hope this dies down, it's terrible to not have family around

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Thanks Becca! I've spoken to my dad about this and he just says the same thing that my mom says 'it's not fair she can't go to her daughter's house'. So I'm not supposed to do what DH and I want because of someone I don't live with anymore? Isn't the one of the perks of moving out? Why do I have to make DH miserable because MY MOM is allerigic to cats?

It's been going on for a year but I was finally able to have it out with my mom, full blown screaming match and I guess now I know how she feels. And I hope now she can live with what she just did to the relationship I thought I had with her.

For you...

For your Mom... She needs to grow up!! She's creating her own situation - please try (as hard as it may be) to put it in its proper place of 'she's selfish and I can't control that' and move on... Don't let it affect your health!!

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Posted by ourwedding9510

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Posted by JAAMS

I'm really sorry.

Have you ever asked her why she goes to other peoples homes and deals with the cat but not yours?

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Thanks for the hugs!

Yeah, I asked her that last night. She said she goes once or people talk her into it. and they aren't her daughter and people didnt' get the cats to spite her!

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whaaaat

Thank you girls! I know my mom loves me but when she does these things it seems as though there is no unconditional love. She is stubborn but so am I so we shall see what happens from here. It's a week before Christmas and she expects me to come over Christmas morning, open gifts and then help her with getting the meals ready for the company coming over. I don't want to but I will because I'm supposed to (PLUS listening to my dad is WAY worse then anything you can possibly imagine).

I do a lot of things for my parents whether I want to or not. DH smokes cigars but only in the summer and only outside. My dad smokes cigars every night in my parents (he'd paid for it so who are we to tell him not to). The smoke REALLY bothers DH but we go over there anyway and the smell sometimes bothers me.

My mom just has some nerve making up her own rules but then thinking because 'she's the mom' I have to just listen to them. I understand if she can't come over because of the alliergies and I live with it. BUT to tell me she won't help with something that has NOTHING to do with the cat or the apartment JUST BECAUSE we have a cat is out right rude and selffish! Only time will tell where DH and I go from here but I just feel like I lost my mom and I can't tell if I'm more hurt, mad, upset, or broken about the whole thing.

what about it you put the cat in another room when shes there.
how highly allergic isi she?
did you get cat to spite her?

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Posted by ourwedding9510

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Posted by JAAMS

I'm really sorry.

Have you ever asked her why she goes to other peoples homes and deals with the cat but not yours?

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Thanks for the hugs!

Yeah, I asked her that last night. She said she goes once or people talk her into it. and they aren't her daughter and people didnt' get the cats to spite her!

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I'd get a second cat... with really long hair. She's being ridiculous.

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Posted by Spring143

what about it you put the cat in another room when shes there.
how highly allergic isi she?
did you get cat to spite her?

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No she won't come over at all. And to be honest, if she doesn't want to come over because of the allergies then that fine. People don't come to our apt because we're in Queens (LOL yeah I know, it's ridiculous but whatever). Anyway, the thing is that she won't help with things and that every decision she makes is because I have a cat. She doesnt' want to come over, fine, but don't not help with things or do something because I have a cat that has nothing to do with the situation. I haven't really spoken to my mom since Thursday (when all this happened) and she's probably starting to feel it. And NO I DEF did not get the cat to spite her. It made DH happy and that was the decision we made.

HAHA gina! YOu make me laugh!