DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

DH is not happy in his field, and wants to make a career change. He just went in for an interview where they said he will need to train in VA for four months. This job also pays $20,000 less than his current position, so not only will he be in VA, but we won't have the $ for him to fly up for the weekend or me to fly down. How would you feel about not seeing your DH for four months if you were in this position? To me it is almost a reason to turn down the job but he just said 'it's only four months...'

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Oh gosh, Beth - I feel for you

I know that the right thing to say would be 'you should support your DH, if this is what he wants to do with his career, etc' .. and in the end, if this WILL make him happier, then he should pursue it

But truly , if I'm being honest- having my DH away for 4 months would kill me. I would give Anthony so much grief if he chose to do it, because I know I would miss him so much..

I do not envy your position, I'm not sure HOW I would react or WHAT I would truly do

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

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Posted by CaCRmr

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Posted by nov04LIbride

DH is not happy in his field, and wants to make a career change. He just went in for an interview where they said he will need to train in VA for four months. This job also pays $20,000 less than his current position, so not only will he be in VA, but we won't have the $ for him to fly up for the weekend or me to fly down. How would you feel about not seeing your DH for four months if you were in this position? To me it is almost a reason to turn down the job but he just said 'it's only four months...'

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I'm sorry if I sound rude but I'm just trying to understand this. He is taking a $20,000 paycut but will he be doing something he loves? If he's doing it just to change careers I don't think it's worth it. I'm not thinking of the 4 months, which is a long time to be without DH. I wouldn't be able to do it. But if he's changing careers to something he's always wanted to do then the paycut might not matter to him.

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He said he thinks it interests him--it is not something he dreamed of his whole life, but he HATES accounting which he is doing now so I think it is kind of that anything looks better and more interesting in comparison. It is also more dangerous--I don't know if I should get into it, but he would be living on a military base for the 4 months. It's not joining the military, but they train there. It would be permanently working on LI/NYC.

ETA: The money isn't the be all/end all, but we will barely be able to make our mortgage payments if he takes this much of a pay cut. Maybe I am overreacting, the interview was only today so maybe he won't even get the job (hoping, hoping--is that mean of me? )

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

I know I couldn't do it, but BIL did it for school. He did an 18 month MBA program in a different country and I think they saw each other every few months. Somehow they did it and AND they have two small children. DH and have talked about how his brother did it and I still can't understand it. I guess it works fo some couples.

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

I honestly don't think I would be able to be without my honey that long!! maybe you could work something out where you could go down everother weekend..I know you mentioned the $$ part of it, but VA isn't that far...you could drive, or take a bus down. If this is something he really wants to do, then I have to agree with Felicia, and support him (as difficult as it may be). But I'm wondering...is that paycut something that is temporary.? will his salary increase after the training has ended and he's taken the new role on completely? I can't see taking such a drastic paycut (personally), PLUS having to be without my SO for so long?? tough situation....

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Aside from it being a pretty big pay cut - I don't think I could handle being apart for 4 months, thats a long time. Will the pay eventually go up so it would be more worth it?

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Two things would bother me here:

The 4 months away
The pay cut

But, if he really loves this new job and you guys can afford the paycut, I guess I would support what he wants. It would definitely be hard not being with him for that long, but looking at the overall picture...it is short term. Plus, I know to my dh, his job is everything..when he was at his previous job, he was miserable, which made our relationship harder. It's a tough call!!

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

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Posted by MrsERod

I honestly don't think I would be able to be without my honey that long!! maybe you could work something out where you could go down everother weekend..I know you mentioned the $$ part of it, but VA isn't that far...you could drive, or take a bus down. If this is something he really wants to do, then I have to agree with Felicia, and support him (as difficult as it may be). But I'm wondering...is that paycut something that is temporary.? will his salary increase after the training has ended and he's taken the new role on completely? I can't see taking such a drastic paycut (personally), PLUS having to be without my SO for so long?? tough situation....

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The money is that much less for the first year, then rises (still not to what he is making now, but more than the $20,000 less). It's hard changing fields to something where he has no experience--there were no jobs out there making what he is making now. I would just dread taking that bus or train after work on Fridays for a 6 or 7 hour trip knowing I would have the same 7 hour trip on Sunday...

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I would just dread taking that bus or train after work on Fridays for a 6 or 7 hour trip knowing I would have the same 7 hour trip on Sunday...

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yeah, but just think of all the fun you'll have while you're there!!??

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Wow, this is a toughie. My first reaction was that 4 months is not an eternity, especially if it meant your DH would have his dream job. I think when people truly hate their job, that negativity can carry over to other parts of their life, affecting their loved ones. If my DH were in that situation, I would do everything necessary to support him while he makes a change.

Then you posted that it's a job he's just 'interested' in....in which case 4 months apart, at a low-paying dangerous job no less, doesn't exactly sound ideal.

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

ETA: The money isn't the be all/end all, but we will barely be able to make our mortgage payments if he takes this much of a pay cut. Maybe I am overreacting, the interview was only today so maybe he won't even get the job (hoping, hoping--is that mean of me? )

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NO, that's not mean of you!

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

I have done long distance with Dh (not while we were married). It is so hard and stressful. I personally would not be able to do it. Good luck! I hope it all works out.

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Holy cow....I couldn't do it. It was so hard being in NY for 4 days without Rich.

Ask Julie how she did it....that was 4 weeks!!

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

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Posted by btrflygrl

Holy cow....I couldn't do it. It was so hard being in NY for 4 days without Rich.

Ask Julie how she did it....that was 4 weeks!!

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Wrong! This is week 7 It is defiitely hard, but this is a job he LOVES and will make him very happy. Plus he is making more money and has a lot of perks. I could understand if it was something he really wnted to do, but just to make a change to something that might interest him makes it seem not worth the 4 months of not seeing him What types of fields might he be interested? Maybe some of us know of LOCAL job openings!

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....

Beth I don't think I could do it either. I know the my DH is very unhappy in his current occupation but at this point we have a baby on the way and a mortage to pay, it's not the time for him to play IMO. I don't think I could handle being away from him for 4 months. I did do it for 6 weeks before we were married when I needed to study in Costa Rica but 4 months is a long time.

Good luck in the end you have to do what is best for you guys.

Re: DH might have to go to VA for four months to train for a new job....