For Newlyweds Only - dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 17, 2007 06:55 PM

dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Hi all, this is my first post since coming back from the honeymoon. Everything was absolutely great both wedding and honeymoon. Here's our problem:

DH and I were going over the gift envelopes and sorting them out, and we realized there are envelopes either missing or not given (ie people attended and we have no envelope or gift).
This is very upsetting to us, simply because we are ok if people didn't have funds for a gift, but at least if we got an empty envelope we know we didnt loose it! Now we dont know if people simply didnt give us a gift or its gone.

We tried to be meticulous about putting any envelopes into the box as soon as possible, just so as to AVOID this situation exactly. DH remembers seeing envelopes in the bridal suite after the wedding when we were in a rush to get everything packed, things flew everywhere.

And now what do we do about thank yous?? I can't call someone and say 'um did you forget to give us an envelope?' What do I write on the thank you??? Thanks for your generous gift????
If anyone went thru this or has input i'd greatly appreciate it. We are missing envelopes from about 5 couples/guests.

laural2979 Posted: Jul 17, 2007 07:46 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

It's possible that they didn't give you anything yet. Technically guests have up to one year after the wedding to get you a gift. Just say 'thank you for celebrating our wedding day with us' in the thank you card.

Pencils Posted: Jul 17, 2007 11:59 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

We just got another present this week. So it's possible that they just haven't sent the present yet. I have one issue though, where someone told me that he had forgotten the envelope and would mail it. Well, nothing's come. Anyone else, I'd think they made up the thing about forgetting the card and would send a present later, but this is someone I'm close to who was very generous with engagement and shower gifts. I should call just to chat and see what's up.

PegaLega Posted: Jul 18, 2007 01:41 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

We had a few guests that really did forget their gifts at home and we received them shortly after the wedding, but we did have 2 guests that didnt even give a card....its a tough situation and I think it depends on your relationship with those people. if you feel that oyu can tell them that you were worried you may have lost it without them getting offended...then go ahead and ask

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 18, 2007 08:34 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

good advice guys thanks :)

one of the missing gifts is from my cousin and his wife, and its very odd to not have something from them. i'm just going to wait to see what happens, maybe its in the mail.

imas98 Posted: Jul 18, 2007 09:45 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Tough situation. We got gifts after our wedding but only from people who didn't attend.
But this happened to me at my shower....i was matching up the gifts to the guests and sending thank you's and realized I didn't have a gift from someone. So I asked my bridesmaid who knows the girl and she confirmed she didn't give me anything. I didn't care that she didn't give us a gift I just wanted to send her a thank if she did and make sure we didn't lose it.

heatherandrichie Posted: Jul 18, 2007 10:42 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Same thing happened to me. Friends from TX got me perfume from the city from a street vendor and joked it was our wedding gift. Then the girl said, 'no, just kidding we got you a gift.' And I didn't get anything from them...

carolinebr Posted: Jul 18, 2007 11:30 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

We just received 2 cards this week; 6 weeks after the wedding, Sit & wait, They may come later...

AeroJenn Posted: Jul 18, 2007 11:31 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Posted by heatherandrichie

Same thing happened to me. Friends from TX got me perfume from the city from a street vendor and joked it was our wedding gift. Then the girl said, 'no, just kidding we got you a gift.' And I didn't get anything from them...

wow, seriously? thats rediculous.
surprisingly, we got a gift from every person who came. Although we did have one couple who never showed up and never even sent a card afterwards

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 18, 2007 01:49 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Posted by heatherandrichie

Same thing happened to me. Friends from TX got me perfume from the city from a street vendor and joked it was our wedding gift. Then the girl said, 'no, just kidding we got you a gift.' And I didn't get anything from them...

wow thats bizzarre

Future Mrs. Posted: Jul 18, 2007 02:17 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

yes; this is tough. the same thing happened to us. We were missing 2 envelopes.

I recommend that you just wait it out.....TRUST ME when I tell you that if someone doesn't get a thank you card, OR they get a thank you card that doesn't mention the gift, they will call you to make sure that you got it. At that point, you can explain the dilemma.

However, I highly doubt that they got lost....they probably haven't given it to you yet.

To give you my personal experience, we were missing 2 envelopes. I am very close with the people.....very close.....and I was really upset so I told them. One of the 2 people let me know that she hadn't yet gotten our gift yet
and the other person felt awful b/c she had already bought me a gift from our registry, which I thought was just an engagement gift (it was VERY SMALL, and it was sent very early, and I thought this gift was very small considering she had her husband and children attend as well.

That was very embarrassing for both of us.

I learned throught this process that some people who you thought might be generous are really cheap, and others whom you least suspected are very generous.

I recommend that you sit tight.........you have more gifts on the way over the next year.

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 18, 2007 02:29 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

i thank you for sharing your experience; thats very tough. i guess we'll sit tight

JennyO Posted: Jul 18, 2007 06:26 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

We were missing envelopes from one family that was sitting together so we were afraid we lost their envelopes. I told my mom right before we left for the honeymoon. She brought it up to this family without my permission and they say they always mail their wedding gifts. (I think it's tacky to ask) It's over a year later and still no gifts. I was going to send them a thank you anyway for attending but our thank you cards were preprinted with the phrase thank you for your thoughtful gift. My husband and mom were adamant that I do not send them a thank you. They didn't have to give a gift if they couldn't afford it, but a card would have been nice.

LitBallerinaGirl Posted: Jul 18, 2007 09:59 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Some of DH's friends didn't give anything. No card, no gift. Only 1 family member didn't give a gift, but my MIL told us ahead of time that he has never given a gift at a wedding so we knew not to worry that we lost it.
We did have a gift get lost. Luckily we were able to track it down.

mandc722 Posted: Jul 18, 2007 10:57 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

It happens that people don't give gifts, but it also happens that people send things afterwords, so I'm sure a few things will show up.

The thing that erked me the most was my husband's cousin who didn't give us a gift or card. She read at our wedding, so we gave her a gift for participating. We hardly invited anyone with a date, but we invited her with her serious boyfriend. They broke up after the invitations went out and she responded that she wa brining a guest (after she knew we weren't inviting people with dates and it was a big deal that we invited her boyfriend. Then the week of the wedding, after we had given the hall our final head count, she decided she wasn't bringing a guest. And she didn't even have the nerve to call us, she told her sister who told my SIL who told my MIL who told my DH, who told me. So we payed for her date who never came. And she never appologized. Clearly, it still makes me mad. Sorry for my rant.

Anyway, the people who really did give you something will probably say something after a while if they haven't recieved a thank you note.

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 19, 2007 09:50 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

that is bloody ridiculous!!!! It doesnt cease to amaze me how inconsiderate people are!

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 29, 2007 05:37 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

well this is just an update on a 'missing' gift...I was looking through my cards from my bridal shower etc, and I came across a card my cousin sent me (one of my missing gift people) and in the card he included a coupon for $20 off a $100 purchase off my registry and in the card he wrote he sent the coupon because they dont have that store in boston where they live and the coupon was sent to them after they bought our WEDDING gifts. Now, I received a waffle maker and ice cream maker off my registry from them right before my shower, and dh and I thought they were for my shower since cousin's wife didnt attend.

So...they were WEDDING gifts not shower gifts. I never picked up on that when he sent this card with the coupon, but since we didnt get a gift at the wedding from them, now we get it; what we dont get is how this couple who got married not too long ago, had a large wedding which dh and i travelled to, gave an appropriate gift, they are well off, give a wedding gift for 2 people which cost about $100???

JenMike331 Posted: Jul 29, 2007 05:46 PM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Posted by MushesGirl

well this is just an update on a 'missing' gift...I was looking through my cards from my bridal shower etc, and I came across a card my cousin sent me (one of my missing gift people) and in the card he included a coupon for $20 off a $100 purchase off my registry and in the card he wrote he sent the coupon because they dont have that store in boston where they live and the coupon was sent to them after they bought our WEDDING gifts. Now, I received a waffle maker and ice cream maker off my registry from them right before my shower, and dh and I thought they were for my shower since cousin's wife didnt attend.

So...they were WEDDING gifts not shower gifts. I never picked up on that when he sent this card with the coupon, but since we didnt get a gift at the wedding from them, now we get it; what we dont get is how this couple who got married not too long ago, had a large wedding which dh and i travelled to, gave an appropriate gift, they are well off, give a wedding gift for 2 people which cost about $100???

i said it before and ill say it again....ppl really surprise/shock u when there are big events that they have to attend and give a gift bc it involves money and most of the time the ppl that HAVE DONT GIVE and those that DONT HAVE GIVE TOO MUCH weird but true from my personal experiences

drpepper318 Posted: Jul 30, 2007 04:21 AM

Re: dilemma about missing/?non existant gifts PLEASE HELP

Posted by JenMike331

i said it before and ill say it again....ppl really surprise/shock u when there are big events that they have to attend and give a gift bc it involves money and most of the time the ppl that HAVE DONT GIVE and those that DONT HAVE GIVE TOO MUCH weird but true from my personal experiences

This is absolutely 100% true!!! I couldn't have said it better myself. My mom's entire side of the family, who all have plenty of money (making six figs), came to the wedding (that's over 15 people) and NOT ONE of them gave us a gift!! Meanwhile, our friends (who are mostly young and broke like we are) were AMAZING and came through for us big time... their generosity was so touching because we know they don't have that much.