Hi Newlyweds, I have been thinking about Babies lately and I dont like it.

wacky LOL! The clock might tick, but that doesn't mean it pins you down and gets you preggo!

You just got married. I think it is the natural progression. After my HM, I wanted a baby RIGHT NOW! After around 2 months, I had already made an appt. to go BACK on the pill. However, my appt. was made for June ....and my hubby got to me first! A great little accident but I was definitely not ready. I still feel I needed more 'time' - kind of just to be me and continue pursuing a lot of important goals I had set for myself. I often feel set back I will admit, but the other half of me realizes that I can still be me, and I just have to take it all as it comes.

Don't worry! I think it's a very natural feeling!

Jenny thanks for sharing your feelings. thats exactly the way I feel like I have some other conquests to make before, Im prego.


Wow your husbands a STUD

Nothin' wrong with thinkin', it's the doin' you have to be careful of!

oh he'd be so happy to hear you say that!

When I told him (well after the initial shock where we tried to figure out HOW this happened....let's say it was a 'one shot' deal) he walked around with his arms in the air singing the Rocky theme.

....This is while I sat on the bed crying, wondering if I'd ever get the chance to finish my book and sell my screenplay. Believe me...not everybody is thrilled at that moment. It's okay too. It's normal, and it passes. I am not ashamed to admit it. Listen after all...your life will change dramatically. A LOT more than not having a glass of wine and a cigarette when you want it! I think in my case, the best thing was to be surprised. I feel I may never have come around to making the decision on my own. Now I am like Mother Earth with the whole thing!

(a big bonus...LOTS of stuff to buy!!! check us out over on parenting!)

Thank Misty

jenny I dont think there is anything wrong with maybe being a little upset. Its a big responsibility and while men see it as a macho thing, I really do believe that woman can be overwhelmed.

There was nothing wrong woth your feelings, you shoudl be allowed to express your feelings.

Go mom
'
Thanks

Well, I think about my baby-to-be all the time (no, I'm not Preggo yet)
WE've decided to wait till June of 2004 to TTC. I have a lot to do w/my life, but I feel I'm ready or at least I will be come next year.

I can relate Wacky. My clock IS ticking. I'm going to be 34 in August. But I'm nowhere near feeling ready for a child.

I think I feel this way because I have had a reality check on motherhood. My sister had her first child when she was around 27, her second one at around 30. I never could have dreamed of the work and sacrifice it takes to be a Mommy.

If someone asked me if my sister was a happy mom, I would have to say, I don't think so. She certainly doesn't act like it. She's always tired, stressed, running around. She never does anything with me anymore. She just doesn't have time. When I go over to spend time with her, it turns into the two of us taking care of the kids, instead of spending any adult time together.

I think so many women don't truly understand what they have to give up in order to be a Mom. While a few women continue to pursue their dreams after Baby comes along, most women don't. For whatever reason they settle in to being Mommy, and either are too busy, or too tired, or too whatever at the end of each day to put any energy into their own dreams. Soon, they don't feel they have an identity other than Mommy.

The other day my sister was so excited. Did she win the Lotto?? Nope. She actually had ONE hour after work to herself. She decided not to even go home at all! I asked her why? She said, the dog will want attention and I just want to be alone! So she got herself an Italian Ice and took it down to the bay to eat it in her car. When I asked her the next day how her time alone was she said flatly, 'As soon as I was done with my ice, I had to run and pickup my son anyway. So it really didn't last too long, but it was okay.'

I think I would hang myself in a week's time if my life was like that.

But that's just me.

I think it's so important to realize that being a Mom, if you want to be a GOOD Mom, that your children and their needs are going to come first and foremost for the next 18-20 years of your life.

Personally, I don't feel ready to make that sacrifice. So I don't want a child yet. Sometimes I wish I felt differently, and I hope I don't feel ready when it's too late. But I know that a child would make me feel smothered, tied down and resentful right now. I would be tending to the baby, and thinking about what I would rather be doing. That would make me a horrible Mom.

Wacky, you're not wrong for not feeling ready. At least you have the wisdom to put some thought into it before rushing forward without regard for how it's going to change your life.

I know sometimes it happens unexpectedly. I think in that case, as along as you are realistic about how it will change your life, and then make a very conscious effort to maintain some kind of private life for yourself, your own little corner where you can cultivate your dreams, that everything will work out fine. Just don't forget who you were and what you wanted for yourself before you were Mommy..

Its a big responsibility and while men see it as a macho thing, I really do believe that woman can be overwhelmed

Wacky, I totally agree with you on this! I think it's because a man's life doesn't really change as dramatically as the woman's does. Some men barely change their lives at all after baby comes.

Mommy gets about 80 to 90% of responsibility for the baby, and her life and behavior changes beyond recognition!

A man may feel more responsible for his family in terms of work and finances, and some men are concerned with being a good father. Even so, they are back to work and their usual routine very shortly after baby's born. Mom can't do that.

OK - First what does TTC mean?

I have been thinking of getting prego but I am so overwhelmed with the thought of 'Will I be able to be a stay at home Mom?' Do I want to stay home? Do I want to work and send the baby to daycare? How will we swing this financially? Will I ever have a house?

TTC: trying to conceive



whenever I start getting baby fever...I look at a cross-section of a PG woman's belly...that scares the fever right out of me...


DH and I have a planned time to start...but are semi-ready for a surprise

Kmcwed tell us how you really feel.

LOL Wacky! I think I had diarrhea of the mouth on that one!!

I guess it's a sore spot with me because so many people just EXPECT you to want children after you're married.

I hear ya, and god forbid you say 'kids Im not ready yet' People then roll their eyes

As soon as you get engaged,people ask when you are getting married. As soon as you are married,everyone asks when you are having children.
Everyone is different. If and when you are both ready,that is the right time.

Let me tell you...I was a young mom (by today's standards), had my son when I was 25. I was married for a year when I got pg.
WHen people tell you 'oh, your life changes so much'...BELIEVE THEM!!! It is a HUGE change!! A little thing like realizing you ran out of milk and running around the corner to the store now becomes a JOB. Those nights out with DH/Friends are MUCH harder to come by. Daycare, sleep deprivation, ughhhhhhhh!!!!

AFTER saying that....It is the MOST AMAZING thing in the world. If I sounded like I was complaining, I wasn't. I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. Your life has more meaning, a tiny life depends on YOU! To watch them grow is phenomenal (and they grow SOOOO fast). I am welling up as I write this...my son is about to start kindergarten, and I wonder where the time went. He is a GREAT little man, and I am so proud of him, and proud of MYSELF, because it's NOT an easy job, but for sure the most rewarding thing I have ever/will ever do.

DH has been talking babies since before the wedding (we lived together 2 years prior to marriage). My biological clock isn't ticking, but my mommy clock is....I'm thinking adoption. I want to start raising a little one, but having one still doesn't appeal to me. DH is going to figure out what's going on with his schooling, so we can decide by the end of the year if we want to start looking into adoption. We want 3 kids, and I'm already 27.

A few years ago we both said we'd have 1 or 2 and wait until our mid thirties, now it's 3 and we want them NOW. Strange!

P.S. I think most of us realize how much work and change is involved in rearing children. None of us think it will be all fun, or easy. Most of us have put a ton of thought and planning into this life changing event. Perhaps some young moms don't, but the majority of women having children plan accordingly to alter their professional and personal lives, as do dads nowadays. It is mildly patronizing when parents lecture those thinking about having children about how hard it is. We all realize it's not a picnic.

Paul really wants kids I still am not 100% convinced.

Im afraid I wont be a good mom, Im afraid something may be wrong with them, Im afraid ..............

I could go on and on. Anyway, life is simple now and Im def not ready.