Hi Newlyweds, I have been thinking about Babies lately and I dont like it.

Wacky ... you'd be a wonderful Mom! Don't be afraid ... even though I think they are natural feelings and most of us are.

I want kids and I'm sure of it. I think about babies, but I'm not ready and either is Rob. We have an around about time frame ... whether or not we will stick to it is surely not set in stone.

I think all your feelings are normal and hopefully it helps to know that you are not alone!

If it helps you any, I'm 6 months pregnant, and I'm still not quite sure I'm ready.
Excited, yes, but ready...???
I've still got 15 weeks to get there!!!

The right time is just when it happens, don't worry!

I'm with Wacky on the being afraid part. Maybe all my opinions on self-sacrifice is really fear in disguise.

I'm afraid of the changes that will happen to my body during and after pregnancy, and the risks of pregnancy in general, especially knowing I will be in my mid 30s if and when I get pregnant. Knowing the increased risk of Down's syndrome, or complications for the mom at that age. It's very scary to me. Not to mention, I freak out with anything health related!

The birth itself is another thing that completely freaks me out. I have a very high pain threshold. It's not the pain that concerns me. It's the physical changes, the stitching afterward, ugh!!

I'm also terrified to get Post Partum Depression! I went through a bout of the blues a few years ago when I was taking care of my grandmother who had dementia. I understand I was down because of the situation, my environment at the time, the sad sad experience of watching someone you love deteriorate, and the sacrifice of having NO life of your own (which is probably why I'm hesitant to sacrifice again). So there was a valid reason for my blues. But I'm terrified having a baby will bring them back.

Not to mention I'm afraid of the change it will cause in my relationship with my DH. I don't think I want a child enough to risk a change in what we share together. I love things the way they ARE and right now my DH is more important to me than having a baby.

I know I'm probably looking at all the scary, negative things, but I can't seem to help it. When I think about having a baby, that's what seems to pop up for me.

ETS: I wish I could feel like some of you feel, so excited and looking foward to starting a family. All I can see is the fear.

Thanks Cira........ I hope they dont get my mouth

Im really glad that we can come on hear and share our thoughts and fears....

I guess the answer is we are women, we have hormones, we are moody and we want what we want when we want. But raising a child is scary

KMCWED............. Calm down, see its already making you nuts. I totally hear ya. Im already chubby, do I really need to pack on some more weight.

Now you pointed on some more issues I didnt even think about, Aghhhhhhhhhhh

We are going to TTC within the next 2 months. While I really, really want kids (I always have), I am still terrified at the thought of being a mommy. I come froma large family and have 15 nieces and nephews, so I have plenty of experience with children from infants to now 20's.. lol, but it is so different when they are your own.
There are times at night I actually get in a cold sweat thinking about it!!

But, it is something I am so looking foreward to as well!!

Sorry Wacky! Didn't mean to make it worse for you!

I guess all women are afraid to one extent or another.

I guess my fear is just stronger than my desire for a child.

Maybe one day it will change. But I don't have too much time left to wait!

KMC its ok, I would have eventually thought of it and drove myself crazy anyway

I can totally relate Im going to be 32 and Im like I need a couple of more years like 5 before I TTC but then ill be 37 and thats not very good.


Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm with you guys on everything you've said.

Not that my situation warrants having a child anytime soon (even though I called off the divorce due to husband's strong efforts at reconcilation and treatment for his mental illness) but even if we were in a good/better place, I fear so many aspects of becoming a mother. I'm already stretched to my limit in terms of time so having yet another demand on me (a demand that you can't just brush off like the laundry or dirty dishes) throws me for a loop. Also the whole physical aspect. I'm already overweight; how much bigger can I afford to get? Anything medical freaks me out - needles, blood, etc. An epidural will send me into a stroke, I just know it will and an episiotomy - NO WAY!!! The high concerns of having a child with physical/developmental issues. I had a nephew who died at six months due to his physical disabilities so I know how devastating and emotionally draining the entire experience is. The financial aspect, etc. I guess if I got pregnant then I would have to deal but knowing and worrying in advance makes me be that more careful.

The other side of the coin is the fear of not getting pregnant. Due to medical reasons, I've been off the pill for over a year. When things are good, and oooppses happen I feel almost disappointed that nothing comes of it. Like I'm defective or something becauase I didn't get pregnant. So yeah, I would like to be pregnant so that I know I can reproduce but not be pregnant because of all the above-mentioned concerns. Whatever...I'm just an emotional trainwreck these days ladies. Don't mind me.

When I voiced my fears about becoming a mom to my sister (many of which are mentioned above), she ran into her kitchen and yanked this off the fridge, and it all went away.

LOL!
I have to agree with alot of what you said. KMC...I feel EXACTLY the same way all the fears you have I have too. I'm only 29 but somehow I feel like my clock is ticking but yet I know I'm not ready. Most of my friends are moms and I know that having a baby does change your life. (Sleepless nights, doctor visits etc.)

Wow. I didn't realize how many of us felt like I do. I'm not happy to know others are struggling with the same thoughts and fears. But I'm happy that I'm not alone!

Shamee, you mention your DH's mental illness. Do you ever worry that it will be passed on to your child?

I have some of those concerns regarding some of my family history.

Karen