I sent this email

To one of my BM's that stiffed us. Do you think it is ok? (chuck was our butler - always blame it on the butler!) If it is - I have a few other people I need to send it to

I have a little problem that I wanted to make you aware of. We misplaced a few cards at the wedding (or chuck did - who knows) I just wanted to let you know because I didn't see a card from you guys. I am not at all asking about a gift - I am just giving you a heads up in case you gave us a card with a check - that the check should be canceled.

I'm sorry I have to say anything - It is uncomfortable - I just wanted to protect you just in case.

i think that that is a fine email.......it's very possible that it could have gotten misplaced, and she should be aware so she can cancel her check just in case

But what if I really did lose the card???

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Posted by wc0143

I wouldn't say anything ... JMO

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Posted by Jmg11

But what if I really did lose the card???

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Posted by wc0143

I wouldn't say anything ... JMO

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Then I think they would notice you haven't cashed the check and bring it up to you ...

As much as your email is saying you are not looking for the gift, you never know how people react. Again, just me ... but you know your BM ...

I know for SURE there is one card missing - but I only know because I remember opening it and now can't find it.

But there are a few people who we didnt get cards from that really surprised us - so it is possible that the cards are MIA.

This girl is one of those people - my uncle is another - those are really the only two people that I think chances are they gave us something.

I think it's fine to send the email - but I would leave out the part about NOT asking about a gift - because then it DOES draw attention to it.
I would just say that you were missing some cards and just wanted to let them know in case they needed to stop payment on a check.

ok well then one more question - lets say I never ask - and they never bring it up.


Then what do I do about a Thank you card??

I wouldnt have sent anything.
People who gave cards the check wont clear so they will know and ask why you didnt cash it.
If cash was missing..consider it gone.

As for people who stiffed you, I am a little different. I do not want a pity gift..either really want to give it or dont.

I am more forgiving of Bridal party members because it is alot of $$ to be a BP member ..they are taking on the expense to help you through..YOUR DAY. They could have said no and not take on the expense. But thats JMO.

that's a tough one...

I guess I wouldn't have mentioned it outright. Maybe I would have mentioned, during conversation, how I am so glad that I finished my thank you cards last month...

Then, if she did give you a gift, she would probably say, 'oh, I didn't get mine'

I was on the opposite end of this...I went to a wedding, and never got a thank you card. The couple ended up splitting up. So, I said to my friend, 'hey, that sucks- you guys never even got to do your thank you cards.' My friend said, 'we did them a long time ago.' so, I said, 'I never got one' And, they actually gave me one of their cards with a photo (and then got divorced 2 months later)...

My friend ended up telling me that he remembers getting our gift and sending us a thank you card...so it was just a fluke

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Posted by myasmom

They could have said no and not take on the expense. But thats JMO.

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OH, I WISH I had that problem...

Also, one thing, if people did give cash, they will never know that it's missing...

It's a tough one, but again, I think it's the easiest to just mention how the thank you cards got sent out last month and let them say something about not getting a thank you card...

Suven..I think you misread my point lol.
If cash is missing, It is already gone and no way to even find out who took it.
This situation is awkward and can cause ill feelings if the person really didnt give a gift si me personally I would avoid it..unless alot of cards went missing..that is not a coincidence.

I agree with everything you said.

I have to admit that I am hurt that I didn't even get a card from her though - so I guess I wanted to be SURE I didn't get one.

I was a BM in her wedding - I spent WAY more then she did (her wedding was in San Diego) I was in a very poor time in life, but I still gave her a gift...a generous one too.

I could care less about the gift - but she hurt my feelings and I guess I wrote the email to be sure, maybe it was selfish of me...but I really didn't mean for it to be.

Ok now I feel like a bad person - going to eat a gallon of ice cream...

;)

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Posted by myasmom

I wouldnt have sent anything.
People who gave cards the check wont clear so they will know and ask why you didnt cash it.
If cash was missing..consider it gone.

As for people who stiffed you, I am a little different. I do not want a pity gift..either really want to give it or dont.

I am more forgiving of Bridal party members because it is alot of $$ to be a BP member ..they are taking on the expense to help you through..YOUR DAY. They could have said no and not take on the expense. But thats JMO.

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No dont you dare eat that ice cream.

You sound alot like me. I expect certain things from people becasue I am the person who even if I dislike you and you are getting married..I will still recognize the event somehow.

I am also teh person who never likes to hurt feelings but when I try to let people know they always try to make me feel guilty about it..when really my contact was just that..a plea of some kind. So now situation like these I just let them go cause you never know how people take emails or little notes..facet ot face or not at all

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Posted by myasmom

Suven..I think you misread my point lol.

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LOL...I think I misread it on purpose!...

You're right though. I think I just assumed that the person DID give a gift. But, now that I reread, I think that she probably didn't...

But, I can also relate to those upset feelings! My coworkers ignored my wedding and now want my help in giving someone a baby shower. I outright told one of them that I don't want to because they ignored my marriage. Well, that stirred up a BIG mess (read my work/personal life post for more details)

So, I guess everyone is right. In order to preserve peace and harmony, you probably shouldn't say anything...

We all learn by doing..I did..and I almost lost a friend.. But you can make it right. Talk as normal and if it comes up confront the situation..honesty is te way out. A true friendship will survive.

well -it's too late - I sent it already ..... Why didn't I think to ask BEFORE I sent it??? DUH!!

Ice cream here I come....


You are right Myasmom - I can't expect people to be as perfect as me haha jk!! It's really true though - we can't hold others to our own standards.


(PS - while I am venting - I should add I gave her a really nice BM gift - she never acknowledged it or said thank you at all!! what is with people????)

WHew - ok I feel better - I vented - I put my foot in my mouth with my BM - but when she writes back I will come to you guys for advice FIRST before I respond.

Thank you and goodnight.

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Posted by Jmg11

well -it's too late - I sent it already ..... Why didn't I think to ask BEFORE I sent it??? DUH!!

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Just for the record, I didn't really read that you ALREADY sent the email or else I wouldn't have said not to say anything, since that was of no help!!!

Good luck!

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Posted by mrswask

I think it's fine to send the email - but I would leave out the part about NOT asking about a gift - because then it DOES draw attention to it.
I would just say that you were missing some cards and just wanted to let them know in case they needed to stop payment on a check.

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What she said!