I was just catching up on some LIF reading...

---

Posted by Songstress

Tilde, was this the episode where the one husband couldnt give his wife oral anymore after he saw her give birth?? I think I saw this episode. I told DH I dont want him anywhere near my room when Im giving birth after seeing that. Even though I really doubt he would react that way, you just never know!

---

yes that was it. I mean, you can get mad at a man for feeling that way but does it change how he feels? it isnt like he can erase the memory. my dh will be in the room just no lower than my elbow thats all - he doesnt need to see all of that. i wouldnt want to see it so why should i make him see it?

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by Songstress

Tilde, was this the episode where the one husband couldnt give his wife oral anymore after he saw her give birth?? I think I saw this episode. I told DH I dont want him anywhere near my room when Im giving birth after seeing that. Even though I really doubt he would react that way, you just never know!

---

yes that was it. I mean, you can get mad at a man for feeling that way but does it change how he feels? it isnt like he can erase the memory. my dh will be in the room just no lower than my elbow thats all - he doesnt need to see all of that. i wouldnt want to see it so why should i make him see it?

---

I agree with you on this. You cant get mad at someone for the way something affected them. I would probably try hypnotherapy on him though lol. I definitely will not be allowing him to see anything that could traumatize him. I can understand actual childbirth having the effect but not pregnancy.

---

.
Just so you know, it was on a very recent Oprah that a sex therapist came on and said that many men haev a hard time being with their wives after experiencing the pregnancy and labor and since its so 'taboo' that it never gets resolved and ruins their sex lives.

not all men, not many men, but some men do have that reaction. . . dont pity me bc of my fears, it condescending!

(( just in case this comes out mean, i dont mean it that way - i dont want to fight with you, just see another side of it))

---

I understand that men would have this reaction.. and I'm not pitying you because of these fears, because I know that it can happen, and its nobody's fault, because honestly if I saw what was going on down there I have no idea how I would have reacted. I do however feel sorry for women who go through this, because nevertheless it still is a fear that I wish NOBODY had to have. What happens when you want to have children? Childbirth and all the hormones that go with it, is hard enough, no woman should have the added stress of thinking there husband won't look at them the same KWIM? I really didn't mean it condescendingly and I really apologize if it came off that way. How I think right now is that if my husband reacted that way, he wouldn't deserve my children, however because I've never been in that situation I really shouldn't talk, because I have NO idea how I would feel then.


And no I don't want to fight about it, because its silly to fight about our own feelings, I'm not trying to persuade anybody to feel the way I do.. Just wanted to give a new mothers perspective, that with my experience I didn't have those fears, and I'm glad I didn't because they wouldn't have been warranted.

---

Posted by Songstress

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by Songstress

Tilde, was this the episode where the one husband couldnt give his wife oral anymore after he saw her give birth?? I think I saw this episode. I told DH I dont want him anywhere near my room when Im giving birth after seeing that. Even though I really doubt he would react that way, you just never know!

---

yes that was it. I mean, you can get mad at a man for feeling that way but does it change how he feels? it isnt like he can erase the memory. my dh will be in the room just no lower than my elbow thats all - he doesnt need to see all of that. i wouldnt want to see it so why should i make him see it?

---

I agree with you on this. You cant get mad at someone for the way something affected them. I would probably try hypnotherapy on him though lol. I definitely will not be allowing him to see anything that could traumatize him. I can understand actual childbirth having the effect but not pregnancy.

---

Not even a little? You can't see how having a living being inside of your loved one could freak you out even a tiny little itsy bitsy bit?

If I do decide to have children, I think that I would enjoy pregnancy and love the way it feels and all of that but I can kind of see it . . . I think it is also because it is very common with the men in DH's family. Like asking one of them to feel the baby move would be like asking them to come in the bathroom and check out what you just did LOL they are just very freaked out by it - now, DH isnt as much as the rest of them, but he cant think about it too much without getting a bit queasy.

---

Posted by mrspalomino148

---

.
Just so you know, it was on a very recent Oprah that a sex therapist came on and said that many men haev a hard time being with their wives after experiencing the pregnancy and labor and since its so 'taboo' that it never gets resolved and ruins their sex lives.

not all men, not many men, but some men do have that reaction. . . dont pity me bc of my fears, it condescending!

(( just in case this comes out mean, i dont mean it that way - i dont want to fight with you, just see another side of it))

---

I understand that men would have this reaction.. and I'm not pitying you because of these fears, because I know that it can happen, and its nobody's fault, because honestly if I saw what was going on down there I have no idea how I would have reacted. I do however feel sorry for women who go through this, because nevertheless it still is a fear that I wish NOBODY had to have. What happens when you want to have children? Childbirth and all the hormones that go with it, is hard enough, no woman should have the added stress of thinking there husband won't look at them the same KWIM? I really didn't mean it condescendingly and I really apologize if it came off that way. How I think right now is that if my husband reacted that way, he wouldn't deserve my children, however because I've never been in that situation I really shouldn't talk, because I have NO idea how I would feel then.


And no I don't want to fight about it, because its silly to fight about our own feelings, I'm not trying to persuade anybody to feel the way I do.. Just wanted to give a new mothers perspective, that with my experience I didn't have those fears, and I'm glad I didn't because they wouldn't have been warranted.

---

I appreciate your response! I am actually looking forward to pregnancy myself ( if it ever happens ) and have joked with a friend that i will be pregnant for her and she can have the baby bc i am so interested in pregnancy and not ready for a baby yet, lol.

i know that my dh has these feelings, i would definitely try to get him involved and understand that it is HIS baby not some alien - but i wont force him. . . and he can be supportive without being 100% comfortable ( or he better be!!!!! )

but right now, since we are not TTC - this IS something that I think about - and it stinks that I should feel like I am wrong in any way ( not bc of what you posted, but just in general )

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by Songstress

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by Songstress

Tilde, was this the episode where the one husband couldnt give his wife oral anymore after he saw her give birth?? I think I saw this episode. I told DH I dont want him anywhere near my room when Im giving birth after seeing that. Even though I really doubt he would react that way, you just never know!

---

yes that was it. I mean, you can get mad at a man for feeling that way but does it change how he feels? it isnt like he can erase the memory. my dh will be in the room just no lower than my elbow thats all - he doesnt need to see all of that. i wouldnt want to see it so why should i make him see it?

---

I agree with you on this. You cant get mad at someone for the way something affected them. I would probably try hypnotherapy on him though lol. I definitely will not be allowing him to see anything that could traumatize him. I can understand actual childbirth having the effect but not pregnancy.

---

Not even a little? You can't see how having a living being inside of your loved one could freak you out even a tiny little itsy bitsy bit?

If I do decide to have children, I think that I would enjoy pregnancy and love the way it feels and all of that but I can kind of see it . . . I think it is also because it is very common with the men in DH's family. Like asking one of them to feel the baby move would be like asking them to come in the bathroom and check out what you just did LOL they are just very freaked out by it - now, DH isnt as much as the rest of them, but he cant think about it too much without getting a bit queasy.

---

Now that you put it that way! I dunno its just a little harder for me to get it cause I know how much DH loves it. I never dealt with the other side of it. I dont think your DH is wrong for feeling that way by any means, like you said, you cant control what bothers someone.

No way do I want DH seeing the baby coming out! I just dont like the idea, I dont wanna see it ( I saw Miracle of Life in 8th grade THAT alone traumatized me!)

ETA: I am not going to love getting big and round I was a chubby kid so I always fear getting big but whatever, it's part of the process and I want kids so badly it won't matter. An DH can scuk it if he doesnt think I look sexy...jkjk

I thought one of the last posters on that thread was great- she is a mom and actually tried to educate and make one of the pp feel better about how she felt about having kids. I thought that was better than attacking her- trying to help her understand.

it should be somewhere where childless can post things like that. For example, dh and I want kids, but DH is not all that helpful around the house so it worries me that I would have to do everything baby related myself (have seen 2 friends go through this) and thats a perfect place for me to talk about that fear

Its so weird because I never even thought about how DH would react to seeing our baby born. I always thought that the miracle of seeing our baby for the first time would overcome everything else. Maybe I am wrong

---

Posted by kimNanthony

Its so weird because I never even thought about how DH would react to seeing our baby born. I always thought that the miracle of seeing our baby for the first time would overcome everything else. Maybe I am wrong

---

MAYBE! I mean I am hoping that is what is going to happen but it is a fear of mine LOL

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by kimNanthony

Its so weird because I never even thought about how DH would react to seeing our baby born. I always thought that the miracle of seeing our baby for the first time would overcome everything else. Maybe I am wrong

---

MAYBE! I mean I am hoping that is what is going to happen but it is a fear of mine LOL

---

Now you have me worrying I am sure if anything your DH will love and respect you more after for bringing his child into the world

---

Posted by kimNanthony

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by kimNanthony

Its so weird because I never even thought about how DH would react to seeing our baby born. I always thought that the miracle of seeing our baby for the first time would overcome everything else. Maybe I am wrong

---

MAYBE! I mean I am hoping that is what is going to happen but it is a fear of mine LOL

---

Now you have me worrying I am sure if anything your DH will love and respect you more after for bringing his child into the world

---

by the way i was saying MAYBE he will see the miracle of it, not MAYBE you are wrong LOL

i know for me my husband doesn't want to be there at all. I may just bring my mom and sis-in-law if he backs out when the time happens. HE says it would change his view of me, he even wouldn't touch me most likely he said when i start showing. We talked about this before getting married and I am fine with it. It may change when it actually happens but I just know how he feels.

One of the reasons I am putting it off as much as possible is because I know how my family and friends are with their children and all did switch gears on what is important to them. Does that mean they lost identity - no but it means it changes just like it changed when getting married. I am not ready for another change = childless family.

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by stephanief

I think anyone can post anywhere they see fit

---

you are right. i am going to go on the infertility board right now and just tell those women to relax and have sex with their husbands. . . thats how everyone in MY family got pregnant. . . maybe I will add that they should have a glass of wine too


thats my right. . .

---

yeah, cause that is what I said

No one went onto that board and insulted anyone. People can post where they want, it is a PUBLIC site. I personally do not post on that board but if someone else wants to, more power to them....I do not think being rude to anyone is appropriate though :

---

Posted by Songstress

---

Posted by stephanief

I think anyone can post anywhere they see fit

---

I totally get this but do the parents have the right to be upset by what they see and comment on it?

---

I personally do not post on that board, but yes, I think people have the 'right' to get upset when others are bashing their choices and lifestyle

[

---

I personally do not post on that board, but yes, I think people have the 'right' to get upset when others are bashing their choices and lifestyle

---

I am a little torn bc I feel that some women on that board are posting bc they want to talk to other women who feel like they do in regards to not wanting kids. I do not think anyone should 'bash' someone choices. But maybe they want a place to talk about where they are at...and their mindset...I don't think that is bashing, although mothers might get offended.