If this were you- would your husband grow to be resentful?
Original post by nrvbrd
Dh and I were having a discussion about some married friends of ours.
This couple is struggling financially- they did not even come to our wedding because they could not afford the expense.
Here is the situation- couple have been married for 3 1/2 years. Six months into the marriage, the wife got laid off. She has not worked since. The financial burden has been on the husband. Now she is going back to school. She has taken out loans for thousands of dollars.
MY DH thinks that it is wrong of her not to contribute anything to the household and depend on her husband financially knowing that it is a challenge every month to pay the bills. Dh thinks she should at least get a part time job to contribute.
He says situations like this make a man grow resentful of their wives which lead them to do other things.
Thoughts?????
Sunny
Posted:
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Re: If this were you- would your husband grow to be resentful?
Mine would not be resentful (I don't think)
We have lived together since I was 18. I went from having no job, to making pretty good money. I worked full time, and went to school part time, then swapped and went to school full time and worked part time. I got my assoicates degree, bachelors degree, and Masters degree. I have taken out about $35,000 in student loans to pay for school. ( I did both my undergrad and grad at SUNY Stony Brook).
Dh supported me for years, and was never resentful. He kept joking that when I graduate and get a job, he will quit his!
School is an investment towards the future I think. I graduated in June, and now have a decent paying job.
Wendy
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Re: If this were you- would your husband grow to be resentful?
Because of illness I have now been out of work for almost 10 months. For part of that time I was getting disability so there was some income coming in. However since the beginning of July we have been a one salary household. We aren't destitute but the bills are beginning to mount and all the financial pressure falls on my husband. He is not in the least bit resentful, as a matter of fact he is nothing but supportive.
I am the one who feels guilty. I have always worked and been a financial contributor to our household. This is really hard for me. So hard that I was trying to go back to work before I physically should have been. I have finally (under much duress) been persauded that I need to finish my physical therapy and be pronounced 100% ready to go back to work, before I go.
However.....I just asked my DH about the situation your friends are in and he said that if I decided for no reason (kids, illness) to just take 3 years off from work and then add to the bills by going to school, that that would probably cause him to feel some resentment. A marriage is a team effort and everyone on the team needs to work together to make it work. While we don't have the whole story, I would say that the wife should get at least a part time job while she is in school.
kmcwed
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Re: If this were you- would your husband grow to be resentful?
I think the answer is pretty easy. How would we feel as wives, if our husband got laid off six months into the marriage, never got another job, and decided to go back to school and take out thousands of dollars in student loans??
Personally, while I would support the fact that my DH was going back to school in the hopes of changing careers or getting a better job, I would feel resentful that I had to bear the whole burden of financial support. Especially if it meant having to put off a family to do it.
I don't think men and women are all that different. I think it's normal that a man would feel resentful if his wife took no responsibility financially.
Unless of course they both agreed on it.
Do I think it's a good reason for an affair? Absolutely NOT!! If you have resentment and anger, work it out, seek counseling if you have to. Having an affair is selfish and irresponsible.
