I normally tend to look through DH text messages don't know why...I think it's more related to try to catch any baby mama drama which he often hinds from me. I never find any baby momma drama on it but still read all his messages, from his guy friends, or just about anything that is there...I do it a lot, well after him seeing me OD he locked his phone. Do you girls think that I am wrong for that, or that he is wrong for locking his phone bc I OD?
Do you think he should unlock his phone and just let me look at it, after all why would he care if he is not hiding anything
or
is he right for locking his phone after getting annoyed at how much I do it (he feels I 'don't trust' him) bc I do it too often.
Advice?
lizzie217
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Posted by Ayne11
Posted by lizzie217
Posted by Mimacat
I'm honestly shocked that so many of you think nothing of looking through your DH's email/phone! Not that I hide anything in my email or text, but if DH was reading through my emails I'd feel very violated. So what if I'm just talking to Dana about dieting, why the hell should someone else have the right to EVERY little detail of my life?! Total invasion of privacy. I think its 100% wrong.
I dont read through DH's texts but if his phone beeps he'll say 'Lizzie check that'. I would not go through old texts and read them..it would not even occur to me it's probaly all sports scores and garbage
yeah this is what DH & I do - if we're in the other room we'll ask 'who is it & what do they want' b/c we're too lazy/impatient to wait LOL
glad someone understands ... it's not an invasion of privacy of the parties involved dont mind
Toucan311
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Yes, thats obviously different. Sometimes I'll ask DH to read my text b/c I dont want to get off the couch. But if I came out of the shower and found him browsing through my text, I'd be pissed.
RadiantBride
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Well I guess DH and I are even bc he uses my FB (ours) since he refuses to get his own and even leaves comments and requests friends.
Once again everyone is different. It is not about trust issues and its unfair to assume that bc someone does it they have trust issues.
KK Holiday
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
i make DH listen to my voicemails for me. i hate doing it. so i'll give him the phone and tell him my password and he'll repeat the message to me. i'm so lazy
bluekat16
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I don't look through Dh's phone and he doesn't look through mine. No reason to. Sometimes I'll tell him to pick up my phone or he'll tell me to pick up his but we just don't operate that way. I know he has nothing to hide from me and I have nothing to hide from him. UNless he gives me a reason to be suspicious there is no reason for me to be invading his privacy.
Bride908
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I hardly ever look at DH's phone. Sometimes if its sitting there and beeping I'll look at it or we play jokes on each other when it beeps. We'll grab eachothers phones and say 'who's that your other chic or boyfriend' So if I do look at its right in front of him but its playful.
Even if I did look at it all the time DH would never lock it. Nothing to hide so whats the point?
Mici n KC
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Posted by Mimacat
I think it seems like a total invasion of his privacy.
Me too.
Butterfly123
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
DH was doing that to me. But for NO REASON. I dont have baby daddy drama, nothing. He would look through it and then ask me questions about the most innocent of texts. Or if my text went off, he would grab my phone before me and look. It annoyed me so bad and I would fight with him over it cause theres no reason and I NEVER do it to him. Well, I locked my phone. And he understood why. I ended up unlocking it after a month because when he needed to use my phone it would be annoying and he promised to never do it again. And he hasnt. I think he is not wrong for locking his phone. There should be more communication and he should tell you about certain texts but I think you need to stop going through it for no reason too.
EsquireBride
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
DH and I don't usually communicate with people by text, but by email instead. And we often see each others emails -- he sometimes leaves his email open on the computer screen and when I sit down to use it I can't help but see his latest messages. And he often sees mine too, plus he has my passwords to everything because I am often the one making reservations/plans initially for things but he has more free time to follow up on stuff so he just has to email people using my account so they think it is still coming from me...
we stink at keeping secrets anyway. I even knew between which courses we were getting engaged because at it got closer he couldn't NOT tell me!
skinny237
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Posted by RadiantBride
Posted by skinny237
A friend of a friend did not do this, and, her DH's side dish gave birth to his daughter yesterday----which she knows nothing about. .
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is anyone planning on telling her?
I don't know what he's going to do. It's really a ridiculous, disgusting situation.
I don't know them (met them once or twice) so obviously it wouldn't be my place to say anything.
If it was one of my friends, hell yes I would say something!
Mrs. Bernabe
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Posted by skinny237
Posted by RadiantBride
Posted by skinny237
A friend of a friend did not do this, and, her DH's side dish gave birth to his daughter yesterday----which she knows nothing about. .
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is anyone planning on telling her?
I don't know what he's going to do. It's really a ridiculous, disgusting situation.
I don't know them (met them once or twice) so obviously it wouldn't be my place to say anything.
If it was one of my friends, hell yes I would say something!
that would break up a marriage for sure (well if she's smart to leave his @ss when she finds out)
CD516
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
THis is a weird question cause sometimes when DH text message goes off i will grab it and look at it and he does the same with my phone. I will be like, oh its eric and he said blah blah blah and DH is ok with that and so am I. BUT, i remember DH went into my email once to find a confirmation or something and i was really bothered by it. He wasnt snooping but i still felt it was an invasion. SO, we dont go into eachothers emails at all but once in a while pick up each others phones. Hope that makes sense.
HamptonsBride
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Posted by Mimacat
I think it seems like a total invasion of his privacy.
I agree. DH & i have a rule...we don't check each other's e-mail or go thru each other's phone..we both agreed if the other did it we'd be really, really angry...just because we are married doesn't mean we need to share every freakin detail of our life...
i have a friend who does this with her DH & it annoys me when i e-mail her something private & i find out her DH is the one who read it...i will only e-mail her at work now.
skinny237
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I guess every relationship is different....and different things work for different people.
DH doesn't know how to send texts and I doubt he knows how to check his email. He has me do both for him.
If he wants to email someone, he tells me what to type and I send it. When I get a response, I print it out and give it to him.
Toucan311
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
Well obviously checking it with permission is totally different than checking it on your own for curiousity's sake w/out the other person knowing.
cherish83
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
LoL. Dh and I joke about this all the time. I do read his messages from time to time when I am bored. But not because I dont trust him, I 100% do. I am sooo sooo freakin nosy its not even funny. I like to know whats going on He laughs about it.
In your situation, I would be a lil bothered by the fact that DH would lock his phone, if he wasn't hiding anything, why hide it. Why would it annoy him that much.
Jenn04
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I think you should talk to him about this baby mamma drama - he needs to be more open about it because otherwise you try and find answers yourself!
Ok and secondly - put it the other way....if my DH was looking at my phone like every day, that would p*iss me off and I would lock mine too! If its like evry once in awhile who cares. We don't look thru eacothers phones but we both have blackberries and sometimes need to use the internet so I will grab his or vice a versa you know. There is nothing to hide so I don't care that he uses my phone or even checks my email. I don't think dh would check my email but he knows my passwords and I know his.
SFAR89
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
That's tough b/c of the baby mama drama that he has. I can understand how that may make you feel. I can't really give me opinon b/c I am not in that situation and never have been. I would normally say that he does deserve his own privacy, and we all know we shouldn't really be reading their personal stuff, but in this case it's a bit different in my opinion b/c of that other woman.
If you trust him enough to know that he would tell you the truth about the situation w/out you having to snoop then just ask him flat out what is going. Tell him that you are his wife and this wman is still apart of his life b/c of the child, and that you want to know what's going on with the situation as it will effect you as well as him I am sure in the long run.
If he wont tell you, or if you suspect that he is lying to you, then I would still be straight with him and ask him how he would like it if you were still in touch with one of your ex boyfriends and you didn't want him to see the messages, and how that would make him feel. :-/
GinaZ
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I think a marriage is based on trust. If you do not trust eachother than the marriage will never be strong. I would never need to look through my DH's text messages because I trust him. If he ever gave em a reason to feel I should look through them then i would question my marriage. We are grown up now and not in high school or college, so there isn't any drama or anything going on. That stuff was around more when we were young.
RockysGirl
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Re: Looking thru DH's text messages
I try to give DH his space. When his phone rings and I need to bring it to him, sometimes I'll look and say 'It's so&so' as I hand it to him, but that's usually as far as it goes. Even when we're cuddling and somebody texts him, I don't usually read over his shoulder or anything, in fact I'll kind of look away and let him write back to whoever. Afterwards I usually ask who it was though. I feel like that's a little bit more respectful on my part. He also does the same. Like he won't read over my shoulder, but he'll ask. He's funny though, because if I get a text and my hands are full so I can't read it, he'll open my phone and hold it out for me to read, but will NOT read it himself. I always think that's funny because it's pretty much always just a text from one of my sisters. lol. So I don't care. But i do like the respect that we have for each other. It's nice.
If his phone was laying around though, MAYBE I'd read some texts. Not out of distrust, but just curiosity. I wouldn't really mind at all if he did that with mine either. So I understand what you're saying. If your DH locked it tho, then that just means that he's uncomfortable with you 'reading over his shoulder' and that's ok. Doesn't mean he's doing anything suspicious. I'm like that with my e-mail. I wouldn't give DH my password for forever, because i just like my privacy. There's NOTHING going on there, just e-mails to my mother basically. But i still like to have my space and not feel as though he's gonna read everything I write. I did finally give him the password tho when he said he wanted it. I think he just felt that it was odd that I have all his passwords and he doesn't have all of mine. So he has it now, but I trust that he's not the type to go on there and read everything I write. And even if he does - oh well! I tell him everything anyway.
