LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

OK here is the scoop!

Original post by swags1016

Before you read this please understand this is in NO WAY a criticism of the NEWLYWED board. This is normally the drama free board and I want to keep that way!!! If you were NOT on last night PLEASE DO NOT take offense!!!

There are several issues here so please bare with me.

THANK YOU WENDY FOR EXPLAINING IT!

Issue #1

OK this is what is going on! Last night I posted a thread about concerns that I am having about my marriage. I was very upset and I had been crying for hours about it, I will explain it in a minute. I watched the view and when it hit 20 and no one had responded I was hurt. But yet when there is drama, and I was not connected to this drama in any way shape or form everyone is more concerned about that than a member of our community that is in pain. That hurt. Should I have posted it on the NWR for more of response, maybe but this was a newlywed issue and this is where it belonged.

Now I DO NOT expect everyone to be on here as much as I have been on here lately. In fact I am jealous of you if you are not on here often because that means that you are out enjoying married life! That is great and believe me, I wish I had the same. I linked to a thread that has been deleted. I will not go into the thread because as I said I was not apart of it. What I said on this thread is this:

This website is a place for people to go to talk about their weddings, married life and having children. We are supposed to be here to help and support one another. I try to do that. (Maybe some might disagree with me but I think I try to help people on here) But when there is drama on here, and this was really STUPID drama everyone focuses that and loses sight that someone else maybe going through a real issue and not some stupid misinterpretation of writings! (I think I said this much better last night but I am at a loss) I basically said that there are some on here that need to get their priorities in order!

I feel like I have gone out of my way to help MANY on this site and I was ignored last night. I watched people post around my thread and that hurt. I watched the view count go up and nothing be said to help me. I needed advise. Maybe it truly is that only Karen and some of the NYP/NYFD wives can understand I don’t know but I needed comfort.

Issue #2

Due to a recent poster joining our community I have come to realize that I have posted too much personal information about myself and if you have noticed that things were being deleted, that is why. I forget about lurkers on here. I am an idiot because I am too trusting and naive. I think that I have ‘friends’ on here and forget about the LURKERS on here. So it has started to bother me.

Issue #3

The problem that caused the post, I have married for a month as of today. We have been home from our honeymoon for exactly 14 days and I would say of those 14 I have been alone for 10 of them. DH has been forced to work OT every night and I have had it. I am depressed and alone! I have 5 days left before I start back on my work schedule and I would have liked to be able to spend time with my husband. But I am constantly alone. He cannot refuse this OT it is mandatory in his company! It is not the norm but it seems to be becoming that way.

I have a cat! She is not a snuggler. As I also had stated I am one of my only friends that does not have children so they cannot just come to me at a drop of a hat. That is part of growing up and I COMPLETELY understand that! But as I said to someone do you know what it is like to let’s say come home at 5pm and have no one to talk to until the next morning, to not here another voice until then? It is horrible and depressing. I am married I am not supposed to feel like I live on my own! It is a loneliness that few will understand. It is not like he is away and coming back soon it could always be like this! Also- he cannot get another job at this point and if he says anything about the hours they are revengeful enough to put him on a WORSE shift. The last time he spoke up about wanting an American Flag to be hung up they put him on the worst shift for 2 weeks immediately after!

That is basically what is going on! I was hurt and still am that 150 something people viewed this thread and only 5 chose to respond! Lurkers and all! That is why I am hurt. It is in NO WAY a criticism to the people who were not on, but to the ones that bypassed a person obviously in need.

I am not saying I am gone forever just that I need to take a break, like many others on here because of the BS!!! So if you are thinking about causing drama I beg you to rethink what this site is here for and what you do to others on here!

Thank you for reading this and good luck to you all!


Sorry this is soooooo long



I am not saying I am gone forever just that I need to take a break like many others on here because of the BS!!!
LizD Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

I also know how hard it is when your DH works so much overtime or works nights. It is very difficult b/c you really do feel like you are alone. Most of my family and friends have kids and such too, and of coarse I do not expect them to always be there either. Sometimes I envy those who have the 9-5 life, but I also like to have some time to myself as well, so it's a catch-22.

Hugs for you

I am also sure that in time things will get much better for you!!!

I hope you are feeling better today, and remember whenever you need to chat just FM me.

I understand taking a break, but please don't make it too long. We will miss you
JuneBabyBride Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jamie, I don't really come on the newlyweds board at all but I came on to say I am really sorry about whatever happened last night, I wasn't on b/c I was working but if I was I would have definatly tried to help the best way I could.

Don't feel lonely, you do have friends that would be there for you if you asked, maybe not all b/c of like you said family and other priorities but I am sure some of them are around to comfort you.

I hope things are getting better and I am sure frankie is just as hurt not being around you but sometimes jobs ****, but ya need them to pay the bills.

I am here if you need me!
LisaW Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jamie, I missed everything that happened, but

I'm sorry that you and Frankie aren't able to spend much time together lately. That sux. I don't see Scott as often as I used to w/ his new job, especially if I get stuck w/ a night shift. He's usually asleep by 9:30 now! Quite a change from being together almost every day for the last 6 years!!

I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to!

Shirley Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jamie, I am not a newlywed but I am sorry you feel bad.

I agree with the drama stuff. Seems poeople love it and would rather see that, than help someone.

Alot of us on here, including me, joke & have fun, just to lighten things up, however, I find it really sad, how most women are grown, married women, and act as immaturely as they do.

As I said, some NOT all.

I am not saying not to have fun, but come on ladies, we are married adults (i cant wait to be!). Lets cut the nonsense and come on here, like Jamie said, to help one another.

Once in a while some of us joke, or get involved in drama & not on purpose, I am sure, but I find the mentality of some, like that of 10 yr olds.


Jamie, take a break, like some other ladies are, you need it and hers some



edited to add, lets stop the HS attitude and the bickering and the FM of she said, he said. Lets all get along?
SandyP Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Hi Swags,

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through - I'm sure as a newly wed, the trauma of not being with your husband is taking a toll on you.

However, I really think that in a time such as this, you need to find that person within your family or friends circle to help you deal with this. Since it seems like it's too much for you, you also need to sit your husband down and explain the urgency of him cutting back on his OT.

Don't be too hard on the women here. Oftentimes, whenever a person is going through hardships, some people just don't know what to say.

This issue that you are dealing with seems to be a very private and internal one - honey you need to reach out to people closer to you and not rely too much on the internet. Sometimes when people don't know you, they can read anything and turn it against you - I've had that done to me which is why I don't invest too much of my emotions on the internet. You can still come on and share, but be on guard.

All I can offer at this point is my hope and wish that your husband's OT will be reduced so that you two can spend time together. Your husband also need to be a litte more sensitive to your feelings and if him being away is taking such a toll on you, he needs to cut at least one day or a few hours of his OT. Where is your family? Are they near by? Do you have siblings? Friends?

One more thing, just because people are not on the board, it does not necessarily mean that we are snuggled up with hubby enjoying married life. I'm sure there are women on this board struggling with thier own issues, not to mention cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping etc! Trust me on that one!
franksbride Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Swags...do what you have to do and take a break from all of this for now...but make sure you come back REAL SOON!!!

And anytime you want you can FM me...for whatever reason you'd like to.

Jen

MarciaD Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jamie, I'm very sorry for the OT stress that is causing you so much loneliness, and especially right after you HM.

My FH has to go out of town every other week on business and I miss him so much everytime he is gone. I am very sorry and hope his schedul lightens up soon.

Very nice post! But I do hope you don't stay away long. You always provided such good advice!


HeatherandNick Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jamie - I am so sorry for all that you have been going through. I know you know this already, but please call me anytme you need/want to. Time does not matter.

While I can't fully say I know what you are going thorugh. I did at one point. When my Dh was at his last job, I never knew when to expect him in from work and it was hard on me, especially with a baby. I may have to deal withthat again - something I am not looking forward to. But please always know that you can call me whenever

mishandgerard Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Swags

there seems to be alot of love for you. I hope you get a chance to check in and see how much of it there is!
xmasbride Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Swags - even though i'm not a newlywed yet, I just wanted to send some hugs your way



I hope in time that things will get better for you...

(I can kind of relate to the OT - FH worked for Frito Lay and some times the only way to see him was to 'help' him with the route - sometimes getting up at 2 am to meet him!)

I agree that you should take a rest from the boards for a bit - just don't stay away too long - but remember that some of us really do care! FM me if you like

VickiC Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

Jaime - I just wanted to send you some

I know how you're feeling. I too get lonely some nights when David is not around. I think over the past 3 days I have seen him a total of 1 hour - no joke. Right now I have little projects at home to keep me busy - organizing a bag of photos into a photo box and album is my current one. Like some others said, just because we are not on here at night does not mean that we are all cuddled up with our DH's.

I do hope his schedule gets better. It stinks when you feel you have no time for each other. But please take heart, it will improve as your marriage goes on. You will learn how to divide up your schedules accordingly.

februarybride Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

to you! You just got married a month ago and came back from your honeymoon - it's been really exciting and hectic and fun. It will take time to adjust to not being on that high. I compelety sympathize with you. DH travels a lot and it gets really lonely. Especially because I work from home and don't have that much human interaction.
I'm sure once you go back to work and are busy things will start to turn around. I'm sorry I wasn't on last night to see your post! Hang in there
Meg9-20-02 Posted:

Re: OK here is the scoop!

I'm very sorry you are going through this - Hope things get better!

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.