Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Living CLOSE to family.

We are planning to move to Florida, buying a nice plot of land and building a house on it.

Guess what? My sisters and cousins and brother love the idea, so they are moving too. Either around the same time as us or even before.
Same town or next town over.

My sister is thinking about buying this 8 acre piece of land, and splitting it between us.
So I would get at least 1 acre maybe even more.

Len is not too thrilled at the prospect of living on the same 8 acres as my sister and brother, even tho' we'll each have our own acre and own house.
My sister gets so upset when I tell her that Len wants to have some distance. She gets hurt and thinks Len has something against her and my other sis and bro.

I'm sad b/c I would LOVE to live as close to my sisters and brother as possible.
We are extremely close and I can't see myself too far apart from them.

How do you all feel about living close to relatives or to your DH relatives. How would your DH feel if he were Len?
And lastly, how close is TOO close when you're married?

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I am close to my family members as well, but would never consider living so close, that its next door. For me, a 10-15 min drive is probably a good distance, but not really within the same developement.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Thanks alina. I think I can even deal with up to a 1/2 hour drive. That's what we do now, and it works out pretty OK.
My sis just gets so upset

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I dont think there is anything wrong with living right next to each other if both of you are onboard..but if there are any reservations on either party, its best to get some distance.

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Thanks Stef. That makes me feel not so crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm nuts for wanting to be so close to them.

I can't help that we're really close, and I keep thinking how convenient it would be to have them close when I have babies. Esp. since Sis is a Pediatrician and she's planning to open her own practice in Florida.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz, you probably do not want to hear my answer but here goes.

If it were my family I would not mind living so close. I say this because my family is very considerate and very respectful of personal space and boundaries. I would not have to worry about them dropping by all the time and over staying their welcome.

My guy's s family on the other hand, though I love them dearly I cannot say the same. They can be overbearing and annoying and I would end up killing myself and FH because I would get frustrating.

If you have a situation similar to mine,then I think it would NOT be a problem, but if not maybe you need to think long and hard.

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Liz is Hubby close with his family?

I dont think your idea is bad, now if you said you were all going to live in a house together. I would have to side with Len.

Thats perfect I love haivng my family so near. If we do move to CT I will be very homesick.

I think its a good idea Liz

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Hi Liz,

I'm not sure how I would feel about that. If I had an acre of land, and my sister and her family or my DH's sister was on the other acre, I don't think I would consider it TOO close, but it would really depend on the relationship between everyone, and the degree of respect people would have for each other's privacy. I suppose it has the potential to be a problem.

Also, I would have less of a problem living that close to MY family, and more of a problem living that close to HIS. It's simply because my family is MINE, and I'm comfortable with them.

Right now my sister lives about 5-10 minutes away from us, and it's great. Close enough to drop by without having to worry about traffic or make it inconvenient, but just far enough away to prevent too many 'pop-overs.'

I will let you know what it's like living close to family in a few months. When I move into DHs' house, which is right next door to his mother's house (and his sister). There's only the width of a driveway between the houses. I'm apprehensive.

I can see why Len would feel a little concerned. I can also see why your sister would feel upset. It's a difficult situation for you. I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

To answer your second question I do not think there is such a thing as too close, but too attached.

One of my girlfriends marriage suffered because of her failure to give herself completely to her husband. They lived in an apt in her parent's home and she was constantly with her family. It put a terrible strain on her marriage.

I love my family, but I am getting married soon so that are well aware that things will change.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

My sister lives in Florida.. It is much better than when she lived in AZ… I would LOVE to pick me and DH up and move to be near her and my neice and nephew… But we joke that my parents would be right behoind us. Mitch and I feel that we really have NOTHING keeping us in NY. we have our friends who can come and visit... but soon wehn my FIL retires they might be down there....It is something we talk about EVERY time we go and visit mny sister....whon knows....

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Thanks ladies.
My sisters and bro LOVE Len.
At one time, my sis and I were going to build a house in Suffolk and live together -- this was after Len and I already knew we would eventually get married, and he was OK with it.
My Mom passed and we pretty much lost interest in the house.
Then the engagement came and Len got all possessive.

So he gets along with them fine, they are very RESPECTFUL to us and our relationship, but they do want to be closer than we are now. Len and I live in BX, 1 sis in Bklyn, 1 in Westbury, and my brother in Queens.
We're not too far, but still it would be nice to be closer.

Now Len is NOT close with his family. It's night and day to mine.
He loves his family, but he has his life, his brothers have theirs, and they all keep it separate.
I still don't understand this way of family, but I do see they love each other.
But he would NEVER even think for a minute of living close to them, I think that is why he doesn't quite understand where I am coming from.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

My parents live 5 minutes away from us and so do his. I think its great.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I think living close to family is great as long as privacy issues are well respected. I, too would love to always live close to my family, as for his, I don't think I'd mind either as long as there was privacy for us.


Liz, where in Florida are you planning to move to??

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz, now I can see where Len is coming from.

I think I am somewhat like that with my family, but not to that extreme.

Example, when I first started going out with FH 10 years ago, on the weekends we would go to the mall, hs mom and his brothers would want to come. At first I thought it was cute a way to get to know everyone. After awhile it got on my DAM N
nerves. Every time I looked around his mother or some other member of his family were jumping in the car with us. When I approached FH about this he would get so upset- complaining that I did not understand that he was close to his family. I would just explain that this is not done in my family, so over the years things have gotten better. His family does not hang out with us as much during our couple time.

Liz, I really do not see anything wrong with your situation, but I can see Len being concerned as he is not used to such closeness.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as too close...?? I personally couldn't live next door to my IL's. Not because we don't get along or anything like that. Right now I live about a 1/2 mile away from them and love having them that close. But I like my privacy. I wouldn't enjoy my IL's or anyone for that matter seeing me come and go all the time.
A 1-acre lot is a nice size lot, but wouldn't give me that privacy that I have right now. I think living in the same development (around the block) would be ideal.

I can see how this puts you in a sticky situation though. Maybe your DH should talk directly to your sister, and assure her it's not personal...??

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I am close to my family but I want to live far away from them when I buy a house.

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This has been a big topic in our household. my husband wants to move out of state and I can not because of how close I am to my family, I told him I am not ready right now and will be someday, but I have NO idea when that someday is. It is logical for us to move, we could have a nice house and property with the $$ we saved, we can't get that here. This is a tough one.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Since we live halfway across the country from our families I think we have become very used to doing our own thing and not having family around us. We do want to move back closer to family, but not too close. We both get along with our families great, and both have the same family dynamics. I could see us living closer to my family since there would be no privacy issues. They know I need my space! DH's family on the other hand is very close and almost co-dependant on each other, with the exception of DH. He has three older sisters that are great, but overly involved in each others lives. That would drive me nuts. Plus there are 4 neices and nephews between the sisters and everyone's lives rotate around the kids. I think there would be pressure to be at every little t-ball game, every school play, etc. While we love the kids and spend time with them while at home, we are just not in that phase of our lives yet, so i think that could be a potential problem. But if your family and your DH are on the same page with what defines your boundaries and privacy, then I say go for it. But I do see where your DH is coming from.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

We are close with both our families and so it wouldn't bother us that much. If my husband did have an issue with living too close then I would respect his wishes. Maybe you compromise....live close to each other but not on the same land. Good luck!

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

My family is very close. Everyone but one cousin live witing 30 minutes of each other. Im happy that we are 12 - 15 minutes away from my parents and sister, 1/2 hr from B/SIL, & BIL/ SIL & Kids. - you get the picture. Couldn't imagine it any other way.
We are all respectful of each others space but do feel comfortable just dropping by.

One of my cousins just moved up to the upper end of Westchester and all she does is complain about commuting to LI to visit everyone. What can I say we are one step away from everyone living on the same block in Brooklyn! But thats us. You need to do what works for you and DH.

How close is too close? I think it really depends on the people involved and how involved they are. You could be right next to your sister and not see her for days and not question it or you could be watching every time she leaves the house and asking where she is going. If everyone understands and respects each others privacy boundaries everything should be fine.