Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I love my MIL to death..but she has 15 acres in AZ...5 are for BIL to build a house on and 5 are for us (although we don't plan on doing this for a long time...if at all) When I think about it...I don't want to live that close...but it could also be that I don't want to live in the middle of the desert...

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

My DH would HATE the idea of living 10 minutes away from the family. It becomes a big obligation, having to be there all the time. We are now 1 hour away from his family, 7 hours away from mine. I'd love to be a little closer to mine, but I think 1 hour is a good distance, not too close not too far.

If your DH doesn't like the idea, I wouldn't try to push him to live on the same plot of land as someone in your family!

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I like living close to our family...but I would not want to live too close!

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Personally, I don't think I would want to live next door to my family or my DH's. But 5 minutes away would be fine. I think I would just need a bit of 'breathing room'.

I agree with Stef though - both of you have to feel comfortable with you choice.

Where in FL are you thinking of?

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Thanks Ladies. I really love all the different view and inputs.

Right now we're thinking about Sarasota or Tampa.
Len doesn't mind living in the same town, but it seems he DOES mind the same development and/or plot of land

I know I can live w/that if we're like 15 mins away or even up to 1/2 hour.

But I hate hurting my sister. She is SO offended, she takes it personally b/c she LOVES Len, and we've always been so close.

Len on the other hand, doesn't see why we have to 'follow' each other to Florida.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I rarely respond on this site, but I came across this post and thought it was very interesting. I have a friend who went through this recently and it almost broke up their marriage. When you marry someone, the goal of the union is to always find a happy medium. I find that a lot of women feel like they should get whatever they want when they want it which is the issue my friend has. She knew her husband was unhappy with the move she was about to make, yet she still kept trying to push him on the issue. He walked out on her one evening and stayed at his parents place because of her wanting things her way. Needless to say, she is now more conscious of how she does things.

Liz, your husband and his family lived separate lives before/during the time you married him right? Well you can’t expect him to want to do that after you marry him. If he’s uncomfortable with living close to family, why would you still entertain the thought? He knows you’re close to your family and you know he lives separate from his, then find a happy medium. While family is very important, your husband is even more important! This is the man you will have your family with and live under the same roof, if he’s unhappy then how is that going to make your marriage and happiness blossom? Don’t get caught up in the excitement to the point where you disregard your husbands feelings. You knew how he lived before marriage, so now it shouldn’t be new or surprising that he does not want to live close to yours. Living a town or two away from family is not a bad idea. Every married couple needs space. In fact, I don’t think your husband is being possessive at all, to his credit he sounds mature and sensible – most independent, individual thinking adults move away from family and create their own life, it’s the natural order of things and it says it in the bible! (leave your family and cleave to your husband/wife).

I hope this was not taken harshly because that seems to be a problem on this board which is why I don’t post much.

Have a great day ladies!

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I dont take it harshly at all Sandy.
When I ask, I expect all difft opinions

I totally see where you're coming from. I think a happy medium for us will be no more than 1/2 hour away b/c anything more than that I will be miserable, and anything less than that he will be.

I can't ever leave my family and cleave solely to my hubby tho' b/c my whole life my sisters and bro have been there for me like no other, they have carried me, they have taken care of me. They have never in life abandoned me. This is how we were raised.

But I will let some strings go and make a life w/my hubby, but my sisters and bro mean way too much for me to live very far for a lifetime.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Sandy, that was excellent!!!!

Well said-

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz, about your sister being offended.

#1 show her this thread with replies (if you dont mind doing so)
#2 explain the situation (that you want to have a happy medium b/w what you and Len want, etc)

She should understand

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I agree with Sandy.

The only thing I have to add Liz is that when you and Len make a decision do not tell your family or even friends that it was Len or your decision.

I find it best to say WE. We decided not to go along with you all on the house. You all are one now.

Pointing Len's feelings out or vice versa can lead to a lot of hurt feelings.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I think a 1/2 hour away is a great compromise. Sometimes as great as a relationship is...its not so good to live so close. Unless they are paying your mortgage or rent, this decision should be solely up to you and Len.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Good point Neva. I wish I had thought of that. I already opened by BIG mouth

Showeing her the thread not a good idea, she would get upset I aired the business.
As a matter of fact, so would Len.

Ladies, I need to know how to BALANCE
hey good topic for new thread. Hmmmm

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz really you live and learn. You are being proactive and learning and that is the best we can do.


We learn something new each day in the marriage business

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz you are funny!!! I see you are going to get your way no matter what! Will the half hour commute be good for you or is that something your husband agreed to??? I see you need to get used to the idea of WE and let go of ME! I’m sure you’ve heard it 100 times - you become 1 after you marry! That is no joke and not to be taken lightly.

I see your family has done a lot for you, but so has most peoples families. However, you can’t spend your life under their arms because they took care of you, that is what family is for, we are there for each other when we are in need. A part of how we repay family is by living our lives to the best of our ability and to of course be there for them when they are in need. Cleaving to your husband does not necessarily mean that you have to totally abandon your family, but it sure does mean giving distance (especially since YOU JUST GOT MARRIED!!!!! ) and you are not doing that. In fact, from the sound of how your husband feel about things, he does not seem to be the main focal point of your life right now. In all honesty, you sound like you care more what your family wants than Len – it’s just a strangers perspective from the outside looking in. In some ways I can see why you may think he’s being possessive, but it’s not that it seems like he’s just not really in the mix of things. From what I can see, you invited your family to Florida without really sitting down and talking to Len and agreeing about what to do or not to do – you just invited/encouraged your family to move to Florida. Just think about how you would feel if he made and carried out decisions without you agreeing on them. Good luck with everything.

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Liz does Len want to move to Florida?

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

Yes Jenn.
That's one thing I wouldn't do, force him to go if he didnt want to.
He's so sick and tired on NY, and we both agree we'd rather raise our children in FLorida.

He has friends in Tampa, which makes it more attractive to him. We're visitng them in October.

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well thats good

Re: Okay ladies, how do you and DH feel about. .

I can see you wanting a better quality of life than here in NY and I can understand you wanting your peeps around you. I'm like that too. Sometimes when 2 people have different family styles, it takes alot of getting use to, mainly on the part of the person who has a more distant relationship with their family. Sounds like you & your DH are already working out a compromise, which is a sign of a good marriage. Good luck to you, I'm sure it will all be fine in the end.

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Thanks