Ok I want some serious responses, I need to know your feelings on this.
You are friends with someone and have known them for years. You used to be BFFs but grew apart. Now in your adult lives when you see e/o it is either just you and her or you, your DH, her and her DH. You become very close with her again but still its only a her/you relationship.
So on to it, you are invited to one of your friends houses after something that you all GTG for. You are hanging out with a group, YOUR group of friends who have never met this girl before. So you are just all hanging out chit chatting so on and so on, you begin to tell a story about something and you lightly ( I mean lightly) tap this girl and she throws a hissy fit about how she cant believe you just 'HIT' her and hits you back-not with the same touch as you but actually smacks you in the arm full force. All of your friends turn around and look at her like she is NUTS and would tell her to leave except they kind of cant and they are awaiting for your response to see what they should do......in utter shock you tell her you cant believe that she just hit you especialy since you practically touched her and she was out of line, from this point on you are completely annoyed by this.
What are your feelings on this person as far as your relationship with them?
ETA: b/c it was confusing
PegaLega
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Posted by PeteysBride
Def a little weird but this is why the old adage 'Keep your hands to yourself comes in handy.'
What was the context you were tapping her in? Were you tapping her to get her attention or was she part of the story and you were kinda poking fun at her a little bit ? (In a friendly way I mean but something she might have misconstrued) Because if she was 'the butt of the joke' so to speak and I dont mean that in a cruel way because I know you have no malice in you, maybe she got annoyed.
She was meeting all your friends for the first time right? There was probably some level of tension involved, because its usually just you and her and you guys just got close again. I know I myself get tense when I meet new people even if its subtle. Throw in some alchohol and you make the possibility for vioaltile actions a lil more possible.
I don't think you did anythign wrong, and she was defiently wrong for swining at you like that, but if you still want to be friends with this girl, maybe you need to try and examine it in context and then talk to her calmly and ask her what was up. Maybe she was having a personal issue or something. People are weirdos sometimes.
nope, not poking fun at her, she just happened to be the closest to me.
kitty1224
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Peg, Cut her out of your life, she sounds crazy. Who the F put a knife to your throat a t your wedding? She is totally totally out of line. You need to tell her to get lost. Who needs friends like that . Does she do this to everyone or is it just you?
Colette
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Peggie, this girl doesn't like you. [eee eee eee that's the psycho theme song] Seriously. Either that or its just extremely passive agressive behavior, like she's mad at you for something but won't tell you what it is???
PeteysBride
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Posted by PegaLega
Ok here is the deal, I take your opinions but shes done this before. Quickly I will tell-obviously names are changed
My bachelorette party a friend of mine was joking around about how old she was in comparison to use and how she wore old lady socks and showed us, we all giggled b/c it was cute and dorky at the same time. Now the other girl (the one who has hitting problems) takes her shoes off and knocked me in the face, I got a cut and a bruise above my eyebrow. No big deal, no drinking involved yet. Fine I shot her the look and that was it.
My RD was near my house so I had all my girls stay with me. After my RD we went to DHs friends house (who we hang out with regularly) who is in the BP afterwards, the whole BP is there and I was telling her a story about my SIL. So i tapped her in jest with the story and she proceeded to stand up, reel back and whack me and said 'I cant believe you just hit me' so ok, I get it I did 'hit' her but it wasnt a hit, it was literally a tap. I said no, actually I tapped you and I cant believe you just f'in hit me. The whole place got silent. We all mess around with each other but this was a blatant 'HIT' in my mind. Afterwards we went to my house and that was that.
NOW, I probably would have let it go and ignored it, but at my reception she came over to the head table, i hadnt had a drink b/c for some reason everytime I got one it disappeared. SHe came over and picked up my drink and I told her to go get her own...blah blah hadnt had a drink, etc. (YES being a brat) she then picked up my knife off the table, held it to my thought (AT MY WEDDING) and said I will cut you biitch.
At this point I didnt talk to her until about 1 month ago, she says she doesnt remember, she says she is sorry but I still have this thing that doesnt want to be ok with it. Idont know if its me overreacting or what.
WHOA NOW! you didnt tell us all that before! That changs everything. Def sounds like a wackadoodle. it sounds like you guys joke some, but the knife things is a bit far-Ive seen people joke like this though never among my own circle, and I always find it HIGLY inappropriate.
My brother used to 'joke' like that till Dh told him if he ever touched me thatw ay again, he had a silencer with his name on it. That was the end of that.
its not appropriate even if it was a joke so id say talk to her and if she refuses to repent, then write her off.
PegaLega
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Posted by PeteysBride
Posted by PegaLega
Ok here is the deal, I take your opinions but shes done this before. Quickly I will tell-obviously names are changed
My bachelorette party a friend of mine was joking around about how old she was in comparison to use and how she wore old lady socks and showed us, we all giggled b/c it was cute and dorky at the same time. Now the other girl (the one who has hitting problems) takes her shoes off and knocked me in the face, I got a cut and a bruise above my eyebrow. No big deal, no drinking involved yet. Fine I shot her the look and that was it.
My RD was near my house so I had all my girls stay with me. After my RD we went to DHs friends house (who we hang out with regularly) who is in the BP afterwards, the whole BP is there and I was telling her a story about my SIL. So i tapped her in jest with the story and she proceeded to stand up, reel back and whack me and said 'I cant believe you just hit me' so ok, I get it I did 'hit' her but it wasnt a hit, it was literally a tap. I said no, actually I tapped you and I cant believe you just f'in hit me. The whole place got silent. We all mess around with each other but this was a blatant 'HIT' in my mind. Afterwards we went to my house and that was that.
NOW, I probably would have let it go and ignored it, but at my reception she came over to the head table, i hadnt had a drink b/c for some reason everytime I got one it disappeared. SHe came over and picked up my drink and I told her to go get her own...blah blah hadnt had a drink, etc. (YES being a brat) she then picked up my knife off the table, held it to my thought (AT MY WEDDING) and said I will cut you biitch.
At this point I didnt talk to her until about 1 month ago, she says she doesnt remember, she says she is sorry but I still have this thing that doesnt want to be ok with it. Idont know if its me overreacting or what.
WHOA NOW! you didnt tell us all that before! That changs everything. Def sounds like a wackadoodle. it sounds like you guys joke some, but the knife things is a bit far-Ive seen people joke like this though never among my own circle, and I always find it HIGLY inappropriate.
My brother used to 'joke' like that till Dh told him if he ever touched me thatw ay again, he had a silencer with his name on it. That was the end of that.
its not appropriate even if it was a joke so id say talk to her and if she refuses to repent, then write her off.
I know I was a little vague, I know she is planning her wedding and lurks (not that I care if she reads it) I just didnt want it to be 'she is a complete and utter assss listent o what she did' kind of thing. I want opinions b/c I am torn
PegaLega
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Posted by ik1
Peg, Cut her out of your life, she sounds crazy. Who the F put a knife to your throat a t your wedding? She is totally totally out of line. You need to tell her to get lost. Who needs friends like that . Does she do this to everyone or is it just you?
i dont know if she doesnt to other people, we pretty much dont hang out with our 'group of friends' it is usually just us. But the times we have been together with other people it seems for some reason its an attack to me and only me. I dont know if the fact that all 3 times it was mainly about me-not to sound snotty-but I really hope that doesnt factor in when it comes to her b/c Im not that kind of person to be jealous, cruel hearted and physicaly violent with someone b/c I am not the center of attention
kitty1224
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It sounds like she has issues with you expecially since she wouldnt apoligize for hitting you and the knife things is complete insane. She is unstable and we are not in HS anymore. to be honest why would you want to be friends with someone who did that at your wedding. My advice and it is what I would do is let her go and move on. If she has issues with you she needs to talk to you about it, its on her not you, but do not allow her to walk all over you because it sounds like each occasion is getting more and more outragous.
PeteysBride
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I understand that but yea..now that we have more details you need to tell her straight up that you dont like the way she has acted twoards you and if you're going to continue your friendship which means alot to you, it needs to stop. Be gentle but firm. Stress you care about her but you need to establish some boundaries of common respect. If she cant accept that, she is toast.
Cpt2007
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Good lord! That changes EVERYTHING!
She's nuts to do that, drunk or not. Stay away from her; remove her from your life from here on out. That could lead to something really bad.
PegaLega
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Posted by PeteysBride
I understand that but yea..now that we have more details you need to tell her straight up that you dont like the way she has acted twoards you and if you're going to continue your friendship which means alot to you, it needs to stop. Be gentle but firm. Stress you care about her but you need to establish some boundaries of common respect. If she cant accept that, she is toast.
Ive talked to her about the knife thing, she swears she doesnt remember-now I hoped that it didnt happen but I have pictures. She was sorry and apologized. I have talked to her about the other instances more b/c I didnt want to sound like a whiny baby, but I realize now that it is affecting our friendship. We talk and I really just dont want to talk or im completely disgusted by her.
I dont know, maybe I am a baby, I know she did wrong by me-something I would never do unless a full blown out brawl was necessary-but it still kind of burns i guess.
thanks
Lools
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SHE HELD A KNIFE TO YOU AT YOUR WEDDING?? W T F??
I worked in a Psychiatric ward at a Psych hospital for 3 years as a Mental Health Aide, assisting the Nursing staff. This chick DEFINITELY has psychiatric problems and should be treated for them. Sounds like a possible borderline personality disorder. Some of my patients did stuff like that and then 'didn't remember' and were very remorseful. Just because they forget it happened and apologize for it doesn't mean it won't happen again. Stay away.
Aug07OFCbride
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that is weird, no doubt. and id be confused and annoyed! but i think cutting her off is super drastic. id try to talk it out before ever just dropping a long time friend over something that happened when everyone was drinking. if it was me, id have a sober talk and be like..that was kinda weird and you never really explained what was going on w/ you, is there something more going on or what was the reason behind that, etc. and id try to come to some sort of resolution w/ it. if not, its just this weird thing that happened and thats just kinda looming around every time you see eachother, which is even weirder.
how have things been since this happened?
GL!
ETA: OKAY...JUST READ THE KNIFE THING. def rethinking what i wrote!!!!!!!!!
Aug07OFCbride
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Posted by PeteysBride
I understand that but yea..now that we have more details you need to tell her straight up that you dont like the way she has acted twoards you and if you're going to continue your friendship which means alot to you, it needs to stop. Be gentle but firm. Stress you care about her but you need to establish some boundaries of common respect. If she cant accept that, she is toast.
ITA!
if this was one of my closest friends, a long time friendship, id want to try to help if possible before just deciding to drop her though. not to say that you need to put yourself in danger, of course!!! just be careful if you continue to be around this person. she sounds like she definitely unpredictable and has some issues going on ...though im not going to speculate.
hunnybunnyxoxo
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that is really strange. i would be really bothered by that and it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.
i would keep a watchful eye for any further episodes from her... if she keeps pissing you off, i'd walk away, or keep her on the outer circle of friends
TnOiOnL
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WHOA WHAT?!?!??!
hunnybunnyxoxo
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p.s i would prob. have gotten into a full on girl fight b/c i would said ' ouch! what the f??!?! 'and then hit her back as hard as she hit me, which would prob. prompt her to shove me back and then a full on girl fight..
im not a trouble starter nor have i ever been in a fight, but if someone did that, that would bother the sh*t out of me for that moment n i would do it back...
TnOiOnL
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Ok now that I've recomposed myself....
WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?
seriously peg, this girl is INSANE PERIOD
CUT her OFF!
I wish there was a coo-coo emoticon on here... crrrrrazzzzzy sh!t
PattyK
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Wow, this is crazy. If she has been a good friend then I would give her one more shot and sit down and talk to her one on one. There is so reason for her to single you out when you are not with mutual friends. She definetly has some issues that she needs to resolve. If you can't resolve this then I would drop her like a hot potatoe. There is no reason for her to hit you or pull a knife at you at your wedding and then not remember doing it.
jtgarsik
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Posted by Aug07OFCbride
Posted by PeteysBride
I understand that but yea..now that we have more details you need to tell her straight up that you dont like the way she has acted twoards you and if you're going to continue your friendship which means alot to you, it needs to stop. Be gentle but firm. Stress you care about her but you need to establish some boundaries of common respect. If she cant accept that, she is toast.
ITA!
if this was one of my closest friends, a long time friendship, id want to try to help if possible before just deciding to drop her though. not to say that you need to put yourself in danger, of course!!! just be careful if you continue to be around this person. she sounds like she definitely unpredictable and has some issues going on ...though im not going to speculate.
ITA Pegs! this girl sounds like a nutcase but maybe she just needs to be confronted & get some help??? i had a really REALLY close friend like this(well not in the violent sorta way, but more emotionally abusive)...deep down she still knows that i'll always be there for her - but over time she just didn't want to put forth the effort to get over the issues she had, and we dont have much of the friendship that we used to have anymore. I'd talk to her(in a public place so she cant throw shoes, hit, or hold a knife to ur throat ) lol. but seriously...go to starbucks or something & have a chat..it's needs to be addressed! love u!
PegaLega
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Thanks ladies, Im going to have a serious convo with her about it. If her response and reasoning still puts me on edge then I think I will distance myself from her b/c that full on 'girl fight' is looming and its just waiting for the right time. A line was crossed, that much I know. But its a line that didnt need to be crossed.
