Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Anna: I dont think you are the grinch b/c you should do whatever works for your family.

And before I continue, i will say its not a monetary issue. Everyone should spend what they can afford. And I really do believe its the thought that counts...but that means you must actually THINK HARD about what to get someone. I am one of those people that can not stand gift certificates..i think its the most thoughtless gift ever and its become increasing popular for reasons I cant understand.

But it really annoys me when parents stop buying gifts for their friends. Like if before you had children, we exchanged gifts and then after you have children you tell people me just buy for the kids - and then you give nothing in return - that stinks. And its not that there is a budget issue with these people - b/c anyone can do something homemade or thoughtful for practically nothing - its the concept that I will continue to buy your children gifts (not just christmas but birthdays, etc..) and you dont even acknowledge the non parent friends you have? that is just wrong. And of course, you dont want to be vindictive and not give the children gifts b/c you still want to give them things. If it were me, I would want to make sure the people that were generous to me and my children felt that they were at least acknowledged.

I guess the spirit of Christmas for me is not about children or Santa or any of that..its about giving and receiving and cherishing each other in ways we dont do throughout the rest of the year. And if anyone needs that - its adults!

End of rant

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Anna my family does it the same way. Even though I don't have kids I buy gifts for all my 7 neices and nephews plus my little cousins in PR. The adults just enjoy watching the kids faces while they open presents.

My DH side of the family is different, each person has to buy a gift for everyone (that is where we get broke and can't buy anything for eachother).

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Latina-we did that until last year (Everyone buying for everyone) and then we started the Kris Kringle. It works so much better, everyone (adults) open a gift, and its what they wanted
My parents ALWAYS give everyone, their kids, our spouses, the grandkids, everyone.

We always give to all adults 'on behalf of' the kids, so my friends that buy JA gifts always get something from him. Stef-I couldnt agree more with you, on acknowledging non parents. Absolutely.

What we go back and forth on is whether or not we want to make a list for Kris Kringle to get ideas on what to buy. My brothers are very 'whatever' type people and just want the money or the gift certificate and then a few others choose to do a list of items they need or want. and a few of us (including me) really feel awkward doing a wishlist. Maybe I can hint to John at things I want, or even go with him to buy it, but doing an all-out list...ehh, loses its 'magic'...
BUT theres also the flipside of getting things that will be returned... so theres 2 sides/ways to doing everything, and neither is right or wrong or better or worse.....

As long as everyone gets a hug from everyone else

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

I bet I'm gonna get it good for saying this...

But I think it's a huge mistake for couples to change the way they treat each other after the children come along.

To me, Christmas is not 'just for the kids.' It's for everyone!! But I know SO many couples who turn their focus to the children, and away from each other as soon as baby #1 arrives. They give each other little tokens, while splurging on children who are barely old enough to understand what's going on.

I'm not saying that everyone who has children does this, but a lot of people do. And its not just Christmas. The attitude of 'the children are more important than us' is carried through all aspects of their lives.

I personally think it's damaging to a couple's intimacy and long-term satisfaction.

Okay. I'm done. You can throw rotten vegetables and fruit at me now.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Karen NO rotten vegetables coming from this end

I can also see your point in that a couple should always treat eachother with the same 'power of love' (was that a good few words to throw in?) and always continue to get eachother gifts...

Its hard to pinpoint where I stand on this. For instance getting John a playstation (which he already has PS2) or getting him $500 in clothes, wont really 'wow' him. He's not a jewelry person. Most of the men in my family are SO hard to shop for, and in the end we get simple old gifts that are just 'same old same old'.

I guess what I feel is that it brings me FAR more satisfaction in seeing the kids open their gifts, seeing them figure out that Santa's beard is not real, or that Santa looks alot like their daddy

There's part of gift-receiving (at Christmastime especially) that just doesnt matter so much to me anymore. I guess the gifts that I do treasure are the milestone ones, that we might get/do together, like a cruise/anniversary trip, or a show/dinner, or a piece we might buy for the home to celebrate an anniversary... does that make sense? or last year John put a little jewelry box on top of John Anthony as he was asleep, and told me to go check on him (it was xmas eve)... I almost fell over, and my eyes flooded with tears, so I guess the sentimental gifts like that are ALWAYS WELCOME with a tear or two , but just every day items like perfume, clothes, blah blah blah etc. are just 'box stuffers' that we can buy any time...
So I guess I summed up that Im a big mush.

But Im sure most moms can agree, when you have kids, in most cases, they DO become first priority, 'more important' in many aspects. But thats not to say mommy doesnt go get her manicures and pedicures, or go out and splurge on a shopping spree for herself..or go out to dinner 'with the girls', and of course go out for a romantic dinner or getaway with daddy...and on and on
Did I just ramble with no point?

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

I LOVE Christmas. I do not see it as 'more for children' but rather something that can be shared with children and adults alike. I am also religious and like to 'feel' the reason for season- as opposed to just Santa and gifts.

I have friends who only buy for their kids and then get nothing for each other. I always thought that was 'wrong' (for lack of a better word) somehow. I know that their children get 2thousand billion gifts and I think minus 1 wouldn't hurt. Plus they get gifts from aunts/uncles, grandparents, friends of the family, etc...etc... I think it is important for spouses to do something for each other, even if it is just filling a stocking with fun, little gifts that are thoughtful. I don't think it makes you feel more valued necessarily but it does make you feel nice to know that your spouse thought of you.

Scott and I cannot go nuts this holiday season because the baby will be only a few weeks old and I will not be working. We both still really love buying for our siblings (and there are only 2 children on both sides of the family so many siblings are not parents yet) so we have decided to put a price limit on gifts this year. That allows us to get for everyone, but not break the bank. I think each family needs to do what is best for them.

And Stef- I totally agree with you about non-parent friends/family.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

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Posted by anna

Karen NO rotten vegetables coming from this end

I can also see your point in that a couple should always treat eachother with the same 'power of love' (was that a good few words to throw in?) and always continue to get eachother gifts...

I guess what I feel is that it brings me FAR more satisfaction in seeing the kids open their gifts, seeing them figure out that Santa's beard is not real, or that Santa looks alot like their daddy

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Anna, I totally agree. Watching the kids on Christmas morning is a magic all it's own.

I like what you said about maintaining the same 'power of love.' A lot of couples stop putting the effort into it, and turn all their effort to the children. I think that's sad...

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Karen, I agree with you to a large degree...

Another thing that DH and I don't understand (and please don't be offended) is how much many many of the people spend on gifts... DH and I aren't in a financially strained situation, but often our gifts are closer to $100 then the $500!!! And its not that we're not generous, its we don't understand the need to spend this much.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

We spend a lot on each other all throughout the year. This year we are going on vacation for 11 days, so this is our christmas gift to each other. We will probably get things for each other all throughout our trip.

On a side note, my parents always gave us tons of christmas gifts, and never gave to each other. I think now that this was sad. Christmas is magical for children, but couples should still acknowledge one another. I plan to make hubby feel special each christmas.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Karen, I also think its sad that couples lose the sparks after children or after being bored of things

Alina, I have to totally agree with you, on not seeing the need to spend such huge amounts.
Christy-i love what you said 'I plan to make hubby feel special each christmas' that was so sweet how you said it

I guess I saw the thread turning into a highest price contest (uh-oh the rotten vegetables are coming my way! ) and to me, it just doesnt matter.
Id rather have tons of silly yet 'inside joke' or 'hidden meaning' and special stocking stuffers, than going through the catalogs that came in the mail and circling things... just doesnt do it for me...

I know many people feel differently and thats fine. I just see the 'wish list' or 'things I need' list as something so 'UGH' for lack of a better word....

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

DH and I buy each other things throughout the year when needed, so we don't go overly crazy for Christmas. We spend about the same amount each year....around $150 or so.

I do go crazy though when you add up all the family and friends I buy for - the total is a bit frightening!

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

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Posted by Sonicstef
And I really do believe its the thought that counts...but that means you must actually THINK HARD about what to get someone. I am one of those people that can not stand gift certificates...

But it really annoys me when parents stop buying gifts for their friends. Like if before you had children, we exchanged gifts and then after you have children you tell people just buy for the kids - and then you give nothing in return - that stinks.

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Stef - I agree with you about putting some thought into your gifts - I am the same exact way...I wish someone would teach my in-laws how to be more thoughtful!

And, I see your point about the friends thing...I have always given gifts to friends who buy gifts for Paul b/c I want to and I think it is the right thing to do. But, I also think this 'rule' should apply in reverse...I can't tell you how many times I've given nice, thoughtful gifts to non-parent friends and Paul is given something cheap or not age appropriate or it looks like a hand-me-down reject that their kid didn't want. Not to mention the friends who don't bother giving gifts AT ALL - even after their child was given a nice gift from me!

And once your friends have their own kids, I see *nothing* wrong with just buying for each other's kids...it is a bit much to expect your friends to go for broke buying your entire family something for the holidays!

Sorry...this is SO NOT what the season is about, but it just urks me!

Anna - GOOD for you that your family does the secret santa/grab bag thing...I WISH my family would adopt this policy, b/c it just gets to be TOO MUCH after awhile. I do not think you are a grinch either...I understand how you view the 'spirit of the season' through the eyes of your child more than anything else! All I expect from my hubby during the holidays is a really special card with his feelings written in it. Everything else is optional, IMO and doesn't really prove his love or thoughtfulness for me.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Teri - you took the words out of my mouth


DH and I are not big Christmas people either...why wait to get something - when you can get it NOW!!!


DH hates it even more since my b-day is 12/28...and I'm hard to shop for...

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

SANTA gives the BEST gifts

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

You know what I hate about the Season???

The way some people EXPECT a gift. That really bothers me. I never expect anything. If I get something, that's great, but if not, that's fine too.

But some people really get offended if they don't get a gift, or if they get one they think is 'cheap.' Who said just because it's Christmas you HAVE to give gifts to everyone you know?? It's just ridiculous.

I'm glad my DH's family does the Kris Kringle thing. My family is also very non-materialistic, and we each give each other one gift in the 30-40 range.

This year I'm splurging on my DH because it's our first Christmas together, and because we'll FINALLY be living together after five long months. But the greatest gift I can ever imagine getting, is just having him in my life.

ETS: I started this poll because I wanted to see how what I planned to spend compared with everyone else, not in terms of trying to out-spend others, but in terms of trying to see if I was nuts for spending what I'm going to spend.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

My in-law family LOVES amazon.com wish lists. They buy everything from it. I figure at least I get stuff that I want and this is the way they like to work. I cannot change them.
But in my family we never do that. We all have to think about what a good gift is.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

Like i said earlier, it is not about the money. You can have thoughtful gifts that cost $1 and thoughtless gifts that cost $10,000.

To answer some question about why we spend a lot. For one, we are not in a bad financial place..so if there is something I think my husband wants, I get it. Two, we do not have big families who give us loads of gifts, we each like to have a nice # of gifts to open. Three, things in the very low price range are items we probably have already bought ourselves. Does everyone need to be like that? Of course not.

My question to you is: What do you buy your husbands that add up to $100? I mean, you cant even buy a nice pair of pants for that much...what are you getting them exactly? I would love to know b/c I dont need to spend a lot, i just do b/c i cant find things at lower price points.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

You are right Stef it is hard to stay in the $100 range.

I tend to spend $200-500 for my Dh. It is very hard financially because his birthday is 5 days after Xmas so I end up spending more $$$$.

We are not struggling financially, but we do have a respectable number of other people to buy gifts for so we try to keep to be sensible in our spending.

This year our focus is on decorating our new place so that is where most of the $$$ will go.

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

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Posted by Sonicstef

My question to you is: What do you buy your husbands that add up to $100? I mean, you cant even buy a nice pair of pants for that much...what are you getting them exactly? I would love to know b/c I dont need to spend a lot, i just do b/c i cant find things at lower price points.

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Stef, I have given DH tickets to see a WWE match, a bathrobe, a weekend getaway (this was over 100, but it was a mini vacation too).

Presents from him included jewlery (several times) and cocktail glasses with cocktail mix recipes

Re: POLL: How Much Are You Spending on DH this Holiday Season??

I want to get Al a pda phone and they're ~$500

His plam is on the fritz, and we need new phones and plans for our move (we have sprint now and want to change to verizon).

I'd say on average we're in the $200-500 category. There's always some new toy (snowboard, kiteboarding gear, guitar, etc) or tool, that Al MUST have