Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

I voted harder then I expected. We did live together before the wedding so it's not even that adjustment but a lot of that time was spent planning the wedding. I foolishly thought that since almost all of our aguments were about the wedding and not us that it would be easier when the wedding was behind us.

But he we are a year later and we still have issues with compromise, his idea of what a wife should or shouldn't do, how to handle certain family situations, etc. Then add regular everyday crap. We are always aware of being open to communication and are always working on this so it's not bad, but it's tiring and I am having a very difficult time right now.

And I can't beleive I just wrote this.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

I too am surprised at the number of easier than I thought replies.

I agree with Shamma, a third choice is needed.

I love my Husband a great deal. However I must stress that compromising is NOT always easy. We are in the midst of decorating our new place and our tastes are definetely clashing. I want contemporary elegance and he is still stuck in his bachelor days taste.

All I can say that it is defintely a work in progress.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

Way harder than I thought.

When we were dating I said whatever I wanted. Voiced my opinion all the time. To hell with him I thought, if you dont like what I have to say move on.

Now we're married and if he doesnt like it I still gotta face him in the morning. I find that I can not be as cavalier with my opinions and feelings in my marriage as I am in any other relationship.
You can't just cut your husband out of your life for - 'just bcause'!!

For us we have the same taste in houses and furniture. Paint colors and wallpaper. I only wish that was were our comprimising began.

Our marriage has been a struggle and a fight to keep it together from the words I DO.
I think that marrying my husband was the right thing to do. Our circumstances being what they are and me being who I am, without my vows I would have stopped compromising and walked out a long time ago.

Our compromises run way below the surface of our home, they are silent most of the time and when they are spoken they are uttered with contempt and feeling of betrayal. We give into one another b/c we are too tired to fight anymore, we have learned just how important it is to pick your battles. Our compromises deal with survival of our lifestyle. And in my husbands case his quality of life.

But I have reaped but one reward from all this compromise, our son.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

Wow BriarRose, and everyone (Christine, too!). Thanks for your honesty.


The reason why I didn't include a third choice in the poll, was because I thought it would be too easy to cop out and choose the middle ground. I wanted to see what would happen if everyone was forced to really think about it, and choose one way or the other.

I guess the reason I said it was harder than I expected was because we are living apart and I didn't expect we would be apart for SO long after we got married. It's over 4 months now. I am very disappointed by that.

I'm also seeing how family plays such a huge role in a marriage. Even though it's not intentional, family is coming between us right now and preventing us from being together. I NEVER thought that would happen to me. The old saying is true. You don't just marry the man, you marry the family.

BriarRose said: Our circumstances being what they are and me being who I am, without my vows I would have stopped compromising and walked out a long time ago.

I can really relate to that!! If this situation was going on and my DH and I were only dating, I would have given him an ultimatum MONTHS ago. But after you're married, you just can't handle things that way anymore. You have to really stay true to your vows, and that changes the way you deal with things on all levels. I even fantasized about giving him an ultimatum lately, but I know it would be a terribly destructive thing to do. So I am learning other ways of handling difficult situations. You learn how to put the marriage first, and how to let go of the need for instant solutions and instant gratification.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

I think we go through adjustment periods from time to time. But for the most part, it has been easier than I expected. We're very lucky in that there has been very little that we've had to compromise on. This helps a lot. But I'm curious how becoming parents will change the dynamics of our relationship, because I'm sure it will to some degree.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

I didn't vote because I can't say either. It definitley hasn't become harder but I can honestly say I don't think our relationship has changed at all...Maybe it is years and years of dating or lliving on our own for so long - I just can't say marriage has changed my relationship with DH. If forced to vote I would say easier not harder but I can't say it's a breeze - no relationship is a breeze in my opinion.

Now home-ownership - that has been much harder than we expected and been life changing. I am sure children will be too. I hope that after I have children - I will be able to vote easier than I thought because I think right now I think having a family is going to be really hard and a interesting change in our relationship.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

Karen

I'm happy to be honest espeacially if it helps someone know there not the only one things are hard for.

Re: POLL: Is Marriage What You Expected?

I voted harder than I thought. Not everything in marriage is all 'lubby-dubby' as it's a lot of compromising and neogating. Some days it's easy to love each other while other days it's requires more effort on both ends and communication is the key. Expectations of marriage were high at first as well as the pressure but we realized that the real world of married life is not easy as it's a lot of work. Sure, we love each other but there are disagreements, stress, and stress from work all affects our moods and change in personalities.