Poll: Travelling seperately

What are your opinions of vacationing without your spouse or your spouse going away without you?

DH & I just had a huge argument because I went away last weekend with my sister and another friend.

He feels that a married couple should never ever vacation seperately unless there are extenuating circumstances. That's the way his parents were.

Mine went away seperately sometimes. My father had tons more vacation time then my mother ever did and would sometimes go away by himself for a few days or a week. Plus my mother's family lived in south jersey and she would go down there by herself over for a weekend here or there. That's how my parents were.

I am not saying I would go away with the girls all the time or even every year, but I am little put off by the fact that he expects that I never ever as long as I live go away without him (the extenuating circumstances he listed would never apply). And I wouldn't stop him from going away with his friends if they were so inclined.

Sorry this is so long. I am just bothered now because I feel like there's this big judgement on how my parents relationship was and I am taking it very personally (aside from being annoyed that I am expected to stop doing something I have done for most of my adult life.)

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally taking separate vacations. DH and I have the same situation that your parents did. He has way more vacation time than I have ever had. He has places that he likes to go that I don't and vice versa. So every once in a while he will take a couple of days and go out exploring (he loves air museums and in my opinion if you have seen one you've seen 'em all!!). Sure I miss him and he misses me, but we have a great time when he comes back. I know that if I wanted to go away without him he wouldn't mind.

I don't think it is at all unusual in this day and age. I don't think it should be a problem as long as you make sure you take more vacations together than apart.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it, but I don't think I'd want to go away too often without DH Maybe for a girls weekend somewhere nearby, but that's about it.

If there reasons are separate vacation schedules/days off, hobbies the other really doesn't enjoy (skiing, etc) then I guess I could see when it would happen.

It's probably health to get away for a few days anyway - absence makes the heart grow fonder

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Most of our vacations are with each other and on a couple of occasions with other couples. This is a every once in a great while thing, that I don't think I should have to give up. I need to hash it out with him again, but I am not in the mood to argue anymore about it today.

Thanks for the input. He made me feel like a horribile wife

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

You should never feel like a horrible wife! That's sad to hear. I'd talk to him about it some more over the weekend, and let him know your feelings - regardless, he should respect your wishes without making you feel bad about yourself. Once he really understands where you're coming from, I'm sure he'll let up a little.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

we have vacationed separately. For example, I've taken trips back to NY without Al and I went with my sisters to Cabo San Lucas in January.

MOST of the time we vacation together. But I don't see anything wrong with separate trips here and there.

I don't believe that being married = being joined at the hip.

(my parents always vacationed together too, but just a few yeas ago my mom came to visit us without my dad - a BIG move for her . They've been here together as well).

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Christine - do not think you are a horrible wife. I know you are nowhere near that! You are a wonderful woman.

I do not think there is anything wrong with going away for a weekend (or longer) with the girls. I think that is part of a healthy relationship that you can be apart and not have a problem with it. I think people need time with their friends and family without their spouse. He was probably just lonely or insecure and is making you feel bad in return plus since his family never did it - it seems a little strange to him.

I could care less if Lou wants to spend a weekend with the boys as long as it didn't interfere with anything major we had planned and he feels likewise. I actually encourage him to go on ski trips and such. Now if he were going for a week to a island with the boys - I may get a little jealous mostly because I love going on vacations and if he were spending lots of money on a trip without me, hmmmm...then I may feel differently unless I was doing the same with the girls of course! LOL

Calm down and talk about it when you are feeling a little better.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Ok, so I am not crazy and not wrong. We are obviously coming at this from different angles and I need to find a way to talk to him without getting so defensive. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! Your insight and words mean a lot to me

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

As I write this, DH is away for the weekend playing with his band in Milwaukee.

He had asked me to come, but I felt I should let him enjoy the time with the guys.

I miss him immensely but it's healthy to get a break every now & again.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Nothing wrong at all with separate vacations. I go visit friends in Boston all the time for weekends.
Went to Las Vegas last summer with girlfriends, too.
Just because you're married does not mean you have to do everything together - in fact I think it's unhealthy.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I don't know if I could necessarily go on a weeks vacation without him, but we have done the weekend thing without each other. This is the way we are. I see nothing wrong with it if this is what you both want

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I think solo trips are good every now and then, but they shouldn't take the place of trips together as a couple.

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I see nothing wrong with it. In fact hubby is going away with some friends for 4 days But Im not worried, will just miss him

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

So funny this post is here- last night at my pre marital counseling session- we touched on this.

The Pastor and his wife said that for the most part they take all of their vacations together, but their is nothing wrong with an occasional, once in a blue moon weekend with out the other.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Once in a while, maybe once a year, my husband will catch a game out of state and make a few days out of it with friends. Maybe I will go to Florida to visit family and he will stay behind. That is ok, but to go on a week long vacation at a resort or cruise or something like that apart, we dont do.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Hubby takes one trip with his friends every year, that is all that is allowed, no more, but it is somewhere I wouldn't want to go anyway. The funny thing is he goes the same place all the time.

One rule we have, he cannot go anywhere with anyone where we have never gone before. I broke that rule this year by going to Ldn and Paris

It is ok. I have a girl's trip that I go on with just my GF or my mom and I every year, so no worries.

Married people can take separate trips, nothing wrong with it. I just recently got comfortable with it. So don't feel bad, when we were dating we took all trips together.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I know a few people who go on little weekend trips with their friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
One person may be really into going to a sports game with some friends in another state or they may just want to go overnight to Atlantic City.
I don't see anything wrong with that.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Well next week I am going to Montauk for three days with just my girl friend. We go every summer (8 year tradition). My DH thinks it is great that we are still going even though I am married now. However, if he was hopping a plane to vegas or something like that I would not be ok. I think little trips are fine...ex: golf outing, skiing with friends. But I would not head to the carribean for a week without DH and I would not want him doing this either. I am happy to keep up my tradition with my friend, I think it is healthy.

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

I am going for a long weekend to Myrlte Beach with my best friend in September. I was on the fence about going, and my FI's thought was 'how often does something like this come around?? You know you're gonna have a great time with Patricia!! Definately go!!'
So...I'm going! I think it's healthy to be apart every now and then!!!

Re: Poll: Travelling seperately

Just two weeks ago DH left on wed on a road trip with two friends to cincinnati. Every year he takes a trip with his friends and one with me. Sometimes he takes a few weekenders at his friends. I do not think there is anythign wrong with it. For instance, every time we go anywhere DH books a guide to take him fishing, he even did that on our honeymoon. I feel as though it's his vacation too and he deserves to do what he wants too. It gives me time to go shopping, get a massage etc.

I believe you need your own space sometimes. I think after a while you will feel smothered. JMO