Role as a WIFE?

Now that we are married....how exactly do you see your role as a wife?

I know this is a hard question...I personally haven't changed at all...
We lived together for 2 years before getting married so i guess i don't know what a 'wife' should be?

Well, I have to make sure that everyone brushes their teeth, eats a healthy breakfast, and doesn't get hurt.

That's about it, though, everything else just seems to get taken care of while I sit here on the computer...



edited to add: seriously, A LOT is on my plate. My in-laws are VERY difficult. DH is very quick to just say, 'screw them, I don't need them', but he DOES need them, so I try to be the keeper of the peace.

And, I am totally the chief financial officer of this house. Nothing gets paid/bought, etc until I scrutinize the price to see if we can do better elsewhere. (trying to save up enough to rent out this condo, but still buy our own home without selling this place)

I do all of the 'nice' things. Sending the gifts, RSVPing to parties, sending thank you notes, etc.

I could go on and on and on...

I bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and make him never forget he's a man.


Seriously, our relationship is very similar to our pre-wedded days. T

I just think that i am not exactly the traditional wife...

But then again i guess i don't want to be.....
AND i don't think i have to be...

He cooks, i clean, we both do the bills...he plays his PS, i am on LIW...

What is the harm in this?

I am not the traditional wife either. I am at work more hours than he is, since he is in sales he works from home alot. He actually gets alot of the house work done during the day. So when I get home there are not tons of 'wifely' chores waiting for me.
If he cooks, I clean up, amd visa versa. We do most everything together and I like it this way
My mother and grandparents are shocked though. They are very dissappointed in me.. this is not the way I was raised. I am suppossed to be taking care of everything for Ray because that is what a good woman does

I agree heilda...but then why do i get the 'comments'

Go cook for your husband?
what are you cooking tonight?
Ohhh you spend soooo much time on the computer...becareful!

I don't get that

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Posted by julz33

My mother and grandparents are shocked though. They are very dissappointed in me.. this is not the way I was raised. I am suppossed to be taking care of everything for Ray because that is what a good woman does

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Ahhh i kinda get this too...especially when i tell my dad that i am going out with the girls...

GOD FORBID

I was asked by several customers at my job if I would continue to work after I got married. I found this question so bizarre, but then I realized that the people asking it were all over 55. I guess that back in their day that is what most women did.

I hope that the people making such comments to you are just thinking of the way things were back in their day. If not they don't get out much.

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Posted by heidla

I hope that the people making such comments to you are just thinking of the way things were back in their day. If not they don't get out much.

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Well yes some are older BUT NOT ALL!
And i do think it is so shocking to hear from someone my own age say these kind of things

DH and I both work, share the bills, and share the cooking and cleaning.

don't let other people make you feel bad. It doesn't matter what THEY think you should be doing! It matters what your DH and YOU think you should be doing!

DH and I have fallen more into traditional roles than I would have liked to. He helps out around the house when I ask him to do specific things, but I'm the one who's consceintious about what needs to be cleaned, washed, etc...

I tend to figure out dinner, even though I always ask for his input. I almost always do the cooking, but that's really b/c on the nights that I don't have class, I get home way before him. He doesn't get home until 7:30-8:00 on average.

He's in charge of paying bills...maybe b/c he's the one with the income (i'm a full time student) and he's better with numbers than I am.

I'm hoping that one day, the roles change a bit, as I start my career...we'll see.


Oh, and I'm also the one who is in charge of the social plans, but it was that way when we were dating as well. I'm much more of a planner than Brad is.

Our roles kind of change as neccesary. Recently I've been on a cleaning binge (which is incredibly UNcharacteristic of me) so I've been doing most of it myself. I've also been doing a lot more cooking than usual. But a big part of that is I've been working 3 nights a week, so when I'm home during the day it's a lot easier to get things done. When I go back to working days, I know I won't be doing as much cooking and cleaning- because after a long day of work I just don't want to do those things.
Dh will do things if I ask him to and he takes care of throwing out the garbage. We haven't joined baking accounts, except for our savings, so we pay bills out of our own checking accounts. (he pays cable and internet, I pay ConEd and phone, etc...)

Our roles are completely screwed up since we work opposite schedules. DH works at night and I work during the day. I cook and he pays the bills and we both clean. But since he is not home at night, for right now, that leaves me a lot of time at night!

I think my role as a wife is one in which I share the bill paying, the cleaning, the cooking and the caring for the cats. I also run interference with DH and his mother, yessing her and stroking him to make sure he doesn't yell at her. I am the one who orchestrates birthday gatherings or informal dinners or drinks with friends. I am the one who reminds DH of birthdays. I make the customer service complaints about furniture deliveries, incorrect bills etc.

I don't pick up after my husband unless it is something I can't stand seeing on the floor.

I am his shoulder to lean on and the one who scratches his back. I am his partner and his best friend.

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Posted by julz33

I am not the traditional wife either. I am at work more hours than he is, since he is in sales he works from home alot. He actually gets alot of the house work done during the day. So when I get home there are not tons of 'wifely' chores waiting for me.
If he cooks, I clean up, amd visa versa. We do most everything together and I like it this way
My mother and grandparents are shocked though. They are very dissappointed in me.. this is not the way I was raised. I am suppossed to be taking care of everything for Ray because that is what a good woman does

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LOL Are you Italian Julz? My Italian grandmother is super disappointed that I don't cook (beyond grilling chicken on the Foreman Grill) and have no desire or interest to. I try to explain to her that I work a FT AND a PT job, commute 84 miles in ONE day and since Chris works 12 hour shifts we both come home exhausted, have to do household chores, get stuff ready for the next day who the heck can or would want to whip up a 3 course meal?? She also can't comprehend how DH could 'let' me go on business trips without him and how could I take the train and subways to NYC for conferences.....in my grandparents' 54 years of marriage they've NEVER traveled alone! Traditional husband and wife roles are certainly no longer.

Now that I work Saturdays and go to Grad school Sundays...DH does all the laundry and some cleaning.


We share cooking duties, I pay the bills and clean. DH even goes to the grocery store sometimes.


I have a mother straight out of Ireland and she has lectuyred me numerous times to not let DH do anything. It doesn't help that my 3 older brothers have wives that pretty much wipe their a s s!!!


At Christmas my brothers were joking around that DH needed quarters for laundry and my Mother shot me the look of death!

I'd say for us it varies quite a bit. I'm always the one who reminds him to send a card to his family members for birthdays, I pay the bills, I do more cleaning in general, the laundry, and grocery shop for the week.

He'll cook more often since he's usually home before me, he goes to the grocery store when needed, makes lunch for me almost every night, runs misc errands, takes out the trash, pays the rent, and he's responsible for calling to complain about things or make appointments.

We both do dishes, put away the laundry, general tidying, but what we do all depends on who has more time.

Honestly though, I would love to be home more just because I enjoy doing the traditional 'wifely' things and I'd love to have more time for just myself.

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Posted by julz33

I am not the traditional wife either. I am at work more hours than he is, since he is in sales he works from home alot. He actually gets alot of the house work done during the day.

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Same here. He gets home first, by about an hour latelty & takes care of groceries, starts dinner & sometimes laundry. And he always cleans the kitchen & does the bills.

Lately I feel like I don't contribute much at all. He makes more money than me to, so its not like I can justify the working to the point of being useless at home.

MY grandparents asked me , 'how I'm finding the cooking going' & I said I find that Jean does a great job at it --at least they laughed--Althought they are pretty 'progressive' My grandfather has done the grocery shoping sien the 1940's because back then peopelsued to leave the strollers outside the tiny grocery stores & my grandma was afraid to leave my Mom!

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Posted by oct.2004bride

I agree heilda...but then why do i get the 'comments'

Go cook for your husband?
what are you cooking tonight?
Ohhh you spend soooo much time on the computer...becareful!

I don't get that

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I think everyone has to work out with their spouse, partner, whatever what works best for your individual relationship. I think if these 'helpful' outsiders put all the energy that they spend evaluating other people's relationships into working on their own, everyone would be happier