As you all know my BIL recently got engaged... Well I was looking to print up thier Crate and Barrel registry to maybe go their tomm to look. Well they have a web page so i looked at it and she has all her bridesmaids listed and I am not there. She is having 7 people and my SIL is the maid of honor and her SIL is her MAtron Of honor. .. My DH and I are think about starting to start a family in the Aug- OCt time frame which in the time they get married I might be 6-8 months pregnant... SO why do I feel so upset about reading this .. or should I just feel relieved that I have to do is be there for family pic...?
christine1221
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into not feeling bad when you do. I understand how you feel. Regardless of whether or not you're going to be starting a family, they should have included you.
MSCJLK
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Thanks...I understand that she has 5 ' best friends' but still like I tried to explain to my DH that it is the principle of family...
I knew that you would all understand... SHould I say something to my MIL... I have a very good relationship with her...
shelzyp
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I would be upset too, but think of it as a relief that you don't have to worry about participating and you can just have fun at the wedding, since you have other things in your life going on.
ChristineC68
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I would be both - it always hurts to not be included but now you can enjoy the wedding and not have to get caught up in all the drama.
HeatherandNick
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I can totally understand why you would be insulted, after all family is family. Regardless of IF you may be pregnant at the time or not, it should not be an issue. If you think your MIL will give you an honest answer and you feel comfortable then absolutely I think you should talk to her. In the mean time, remember now you can relax and have fun at the wedding. And you do not have to stress in the preparations!
dkga1026
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I understand you're hurt, but don't be insulted. Maybe they just had too many people and had to draw the line at some point. I wouldn't say anything. I think I would be secretly relieved that I could wear what I want and just show up nice and relaxed at the wedding and have fun that day!
MSCJLK
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I see your point about there ebing to many people...
Thanks everyone.. I actually feel alot better....
Niecey
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Edited to say: I see you posted you feel better..hope my post doesn't make you feel worse...cause I think I feel different than everyone else.
I would be insulted because I personally think family should always come before friends. Me and my SIL are not close but I did not exclude her from my bridal party for the simple fact that she is an important person to my husband. It is his family. I hate when people use someone being pregnant as an excuse as to not to put them in a bridal party because bridal party are the people that are important to you not the people who will look best in a BM dress.
But some people don't feel the same way as I do and things like this happen. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't say anything but I would be secretly hurt. But I also know my family would nip something like this in the bud. (which I guess could be worse because then I would feel like they forced you in and I wouldn't want that either). But on the bright side, you can wear what you want, have less responsibility and maybe even have more fun.
MSCJLK
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Niecey... I see you point also and to be honest I do not have agreat realtionship with my BIL.. he flat out knows that I am not very fond of him.. But I ****ed it up for my wedding and had DH make him his best man because he is his brother.
know that ' might' being pregnant is not an excuse for someone not to ask..
i value all of your Opinions... It helps me see all sides of the situation. But part of me does not know how to act in from of my BIL and FSIL knowing I have this knowledge... Maybe she will give some sort of explanation .... Edited to say... i see your point about being 'forced in' that would make me feel worse...
On a happier note : my FSIL does not realize that I am doing her a favor by being pregnant... my MIL will be very occupied with me carrying her first grandchild that she will not be driving her as nuts as she drove me!!!
thanks
Samanthas Mom
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
DID YOU say your BIL? if thats the case I wouldnt get too upset think of the money you will save plus if your pregnant you dont need the hastle if it HAD been YOUR brother, then I would be insulted dont sweat it
MSCJLK
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Money won't be saved because DH is in the wedding....Its His Brother
Samanthas Mom
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
oops I read it too quickly well, it will save SOME money b/c you dont have to buy whatever dress she decides on for BMS
Niecey
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Ok...I am sorry..I didn't realize BIL ..I misread your first post. I was thinking your brother is getting married.
That being the case I wouldn't be too insulted. Maybe feel bad a little because you said SIL's are in the wedding..but since you don't have a great relationship with them it is kind of understandable. I have a feeling I am going to be in a very similar situation soon myself...I have been thinking on how I would react and I am not sure myself.
I wouldn't act strange around them. I would actually not let them continue to hide it (they might be hiding it so not to make you feel bad and they don't know how to tell you). I would bring it up into casual conversation and let them know you are ok with it. That way you can both move past it.
dkga1026
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Wait, I just realized your husband is in the wedding party. That changes things for me! If both of you were excluded, thats not such a big deal. But to put your DH in the BP and exclude you -his wife- is rude to the both of you. Sorry, don't mean to make you feel bad, but I would be p'ed in this case.
christine1221
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I was thinking the same thing ... if my DH is in the wedding party AND BIL was his BM then ... how do you NOT get asked ?! You're married, you're a couple, you're family! Makes sense to me. Especially when other SIL's were asked. Not to add more fuel to the fire, but I agree that family should always be first.
But I also don't think that you should make it a point to say something to MIL. If she brings it up, then, you tell her how you feel. But you don't want to cause any commotion, I'm sure.
Feel better ... concentrate on starting your family. You will be relieved when the hoopla starts around dresses etc and you don't have to worry about it. You'll be happily worrying about your baby!
good luck!
MSCJLK
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Like my DH said to me..he thought he was making me feel better this morning by saying she is VERY different than me and now all I have to do is just ' show up ' tp her shower and the wedding and let her look like the stupid one because people will look and ask why was I not included...Myt DH also said that she might have me sign the Ketubbah or something like that to make me feel included....
Okey .. thank you everyone for your open and honest opinions.. it gives me alot to think about ...
Like someone said I would not be this upset if i received some sort of explaination before the entire web browsing world could read it online...
I think i secretly wanted the option to say 'no'
edited to say: SHe has some Bridezilla tendencys in her maybe I want to just show up as her FSIL!!!!
michele31
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Why exactly do you want to be one of her BMs anyway? I would not be insulted at all- JMO. If we were very close, then maybe. But I would not want to be in a BP just because I was someone's SIL. And I would not say a word to my MIL. All that will happen is she will tell the BIL's fiance that your feeings are hurt and she thinks that they need to include you. You don't even like your BIL anyway.
Go buy yourself a beautiful new dress and enjoy the money you will save by NOT being in the BP.
teresa518
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
I know how you feel. I initially felt bad that I was not asked to be in my own Brother's wedding (when he and his wife were in mine). I was asked to do a reading (but only about a week or so before the wedding).
In the end, it was better for me. I had a better time and didn't have to fuss as much over the whole wedding. It still hurts me though because I feel like I was less important to him than he was to me.
He gave me a reason but I still felt bad, his wife chose the women and he chose the men. She has 8 brothers and sisters so it was difficult for her to choose me.
You will enjoy the wedding much more (and you can wear what you want). So don't stress.
anna
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Re: Should I be relived or Insulted?
Hi Jenn So she never officially asked all these BP members ? Everyone found out from reading the website ? Wouldnt you have known that you werent in it when they DID ask your DH ? Just trying to put pieces together here I think its really odd that you werent included. Were they both in your bridal party ? If you dont get along with them that well, or if youre not crazy about them, its probably the best thing that youre saved from these headaches !
