Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

So I finally got mine out. I'd like some honest opinions here. I do not want to sound entitled, and I don't think I do, but I was raised that if you attend a wedding, you ALWAYS give a gift. If I couldn't cover the cost of my plate, which again I always thought you should, I would at least try to put a little something in a card and would never, ever attend a wedding and give nothing. I had distant relatives who came to my wedding, stayed over my families house for the night, got taken out the next day for dinner, had drinks galore (they are both drinkers) and I got an empty card from them. I found out after the fact that my family told them, without telling me or my husband who paid for half of the hall and other vendors, that they could come with nothing. They drove 2 hours for our wedding which I do appreciate but they got like a free mini weekend trip. They also both work and one of them even got a promotion and we never got anything. Now I don't speak with them, but I have family that does. I see them literally every 10 years or so. Even if someone told me to come someplace and give nothing, I could never do that, I would put at least something in the card. I did not send a TY card to them. Is this wrong?

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

i agree that it was wrong of them to give you nothing BUT i do feel that they don't NEED to give you anything more than a card.

I had a few guests who attended my wedding and didn't give a gift (no card either) and i didn't send them a TY card. I know others will disagree with me, but if they're so rude as to not even give me a card, then they don't deserve a card from me.

However, since you DID get a card, i think you should send them a thank you ... just say 'thanks for celebrating wtih us and for the very sweet card'

ps: why would your family say 'no gift necessary'...?

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I had 2 people show up who did not give us a gift or a card, but I am still sending them a TY card for showing up at least, I rather lose out on a gift than on them not coming at all bc i paid for them to be there! BUT what happened in your situation is just tacky but I would send them a card anyway.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

i agree that it was wrong of them to give you nothing BUT i do feel that they don't NEED to give you anything more than a card.

I had a few guests who attended my wedding and didn't give a gift (no card either) and i didn't send them a TY card. I know others will disagree with me, but if they're so rude as to not even give me a card, then they don't deserve a card from me.

However, since you DID get a card, i think you should send them a thank you ... just say 'thanks for celebrating wtih us and for the very sweet card'

ps: why would your family say 'no gift necessary'...?

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Your guess is as good as mine. I believe one of them was only working part time but the other one still had a job. Not sure if maybe they told my family who they talk to that they couldn't afford it or something? The whole staying over though and more dinner/ drinks the next day on my family don't rub me the right way either, but hey..

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

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Posted by Iluvpoodles
The whole staying over though and more dinner/ drinks the next day on my family don't rub me the right way either, but hey..

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haha, i totally understand .... then you know what ... just don't send them a damned card ... if anyone ever asks about it, just say you sent one and it must've gotten lost in the mail

i won't tell anyone the truth

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

It isn't 'right' of them to not give you anything.

But it's less right IMO to not say thank you.

Should you give a gift? DUH. Should you try to cover your plate? If you can, absolutely. Would I ever show up with nothing? NEVER.

But... no one is required to give you anything. They're your guest. They aren't being invited to cover the cost of the wedding of whatever magnitude you wanted to have.

Say thank you for coming. It's not worth looking spiteful or starting drama.

JMO

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I had 1 person come without a gift or card and they were in the BP. Do I think that it was right? NO But I sent a thank you. . . . . . . I just wrote that we were honored to have them standing with us and we were happy to celebrate our wedding day with them. . . etc. . .

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I sent thank-yous to people who didn't even give me a card...

but I regret doing so.

I feel like, what am I even thanking them for? They should be thanking me for being invited. Normally, thank you cards are for gifts. You were invited, you came, what is there to be thanking?

But I did it anyway. If I didn't send a thank you card I think I would have gotten over it. but now I feel more bitter that I did the proper thing and was still left empty-handed (and not just with gifts, but even with the slightest acknowledgement)

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

if i ever get around the sending out my thank yous..... i will send them to the handful of people who did not give gifts. for whatever reason they didnt give me one (crazy, selfish or something better than that), Im not going to waste my time wondering. And its not going to prevent me from being polite.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

3 people didn't give gifts. Those same 3 people told me they were mailing our card - unprompted - meaning I did not ask them 'hey where's my gift?' but they came to me after the fact. It's been over a month. STILL NOTHING. I'm sending them all a message because they said they were mailing it and hey, maybe it got lost in the mail?

What really ticks me off is that one of them is getting married in May and I'm invited. I seriously would never not give a gift, but if I don't get one from her, sorry not giving one.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

Does that mean I don't have to send MIL a thank you?

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I had 5 people not give me a gift.

I sent each one a card saying 'thank you for sharing in our day....'

I decided that maybe I didnt know what the story was and gave them the benefit.

It was wrong. But I didnt want to go there myslef.

You have to do what YOU feel is right.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

yeah i had a friend saying she was making our gift... we never got it.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I have a cousin who wasn't going to come because she didn't feel she could afford it. My mom told her to come and not worry about a gift. She actually did that for several of my relatives. I didn't care, I appreciated them coming and since we were under minimum anyhow it was just nice for my mom to have family there.

I know you said they both have jobs and one just got a raise. But you don't know the whole financial situation. Maybe they have bad debt or some medical issue they haven't told you about. You really don't know, but I am sure they probably expressed concerns to your family and since they told them to just come and not bring a gift, then I think you cannot blame them for not bringing one.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

Also traditionally etiquette says you have one year from the wedding date to send a gift. But I just got one last week because it was back ordered. Just because you didn't get one yet doesn't mean you won't.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I still have gifts trickling in over a month later however it's been 6 months for you. If you only see them once every 10 years, I'd say don't send one.

If they make a fuss or say something, then send a 'thanks for coming.'

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

I had 2 people who didnt give me a card- 1 was my brother and he is so flakey that he forgot to bring it and gave it to me after. The other one is DH boss. The last minute his girlfriend decided not to come so that was 1 plate I paid for that wasnt eaten. Since we came back from our HM his boss keeps telling him 'I have it in the car- or I left your card home'. I am not expecting one at this point and I know you girls will not agree with me but I will not send him a Thank You. Its not because that he didnt give anything because he keeps lying saying he will give us one. I just dont like liars.

ETA: If he just would say that money is tight - I would totally understand because I dont know his situation. Its just the lying part that bothers me.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

Some people right? Our BEST MAN came to our wedding with his wife and his son was our RB. We didn't even get a card. I do agree that people should find someway to go not empty handed HOWEVER, at least you got a card. I do think that it's easy for all of us to say 'show me the money' but behind closed doors you never know people's financial situation. Just because they both work and 1 even just got a promotion, that doesn't mean that they are living high on life.

Like I said I agree that people should never come empty handed and if money is really that tight, they should talk to YOU and DH about it. We found out after our wedding that a good friend of DH didn't come bc they didn't have the money. We would have rather them be there then not come.

However, they did make the trip and you did get a card, I would have sent a thank you. As much as it s*cks, maybe they thought after your parents told them not to worry about the money they thought it was ok.

ETA: Maybe you can send them a thank you on an informal or something instead of the wedding picture?

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

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Posted by MLAngelo

Also traditionally etiquette says you have one year from the wedding date to send a gift. But I just got one last week because it was back ordered. Just because you didn't get one yet doesn't mean you won't.

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also etiquette says you do NOT have to give a gift. Thank them for coming to the wedding.

Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?

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Posted by flibbertigibbet

It isn't 'right' of them to not give you anything.

But it's less right IMO to not say thank you.

Should you give a gift? DUH. Should you try to cover your plate? If you can, absolutely. Would I ever show up with nothing? NEVER.

But... no one is required to give you anything. They're your guest. They aren't being invited to cover the cost of the wedding of whatever magnitude you wanted to have.

Say thank you for coming. It's not worth looking spiteful or starting drama.

JMO

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ITA, i have a cousin (first cousin ) who didnt even give me a card! but im still sending a thank you, he was there to celebrate with us, and thats what i persoanly think that a wedding is about.