So I finally got mine out. I'd like some honest opinions here. I do not want to sound entitled, and I don't think I do, but I was raised that if you attend a wedding, you ALWAYS give a gift. If I couldn't cover the cost of my plate, which again I always thought you should, I would at least try to put a little something in a card and would never, ever attend a wedding and give nothing. I had distant relatives who came to my wedding, stayed over my families house for the night, got taken out the next day for dinner, had drinks galore (they are both drinkers) and I got an empty card from them. I found out after the fact that my family told them, without telling me or my husband who paid for half of the hall and other vendors, that they could come with nothing. They drove 2 hours for our wedding which I do appreciate but they got like a free mini weekend trip. They also both work and one of them even got a promotion and we never got anything. Now I don't speak with them, but I have family that does. I see them literally every 10 years or so. Even if someone told me to come someplace and give nothing, I could never do that, I would put at least something in the card. I did not send a TY card to them. Is this wrong?
eternitybride
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
we had people who didnt give gifts, and we will be sending them a thank you card because they did come to celebrate with us. A gift is not required of the guests, If they give one thats great, but its not required.
IrinaBNY
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
So a whole bunch of DH's friends did the same thing. They came to our wedding and brought NOTHING. I really cannot understand people like this at all.
And DH sent all these friends a text message asking 'maybe we lost it somehow'.. and they never responded and just went on as if nothing happened.
KatieG2010
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
IrinaBNY
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by KatieG2010
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
I couldn't agree more!!!
It's a WEDDING!!!! When you go to a birthday.. You bring a gift.. or buy someone a drink or whatever..a wedding a HUGE event.. how a person can go to one and not bring anything.. I will never understand.
I would feel ashamed of myself!
Lucky2010
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by IrinaBNY
Posted by KatieG2010
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
I couldn't agree more!!!
It's a WEDDING!!!! When you go to a birthday.. You bring a gift.. or buy someone a drink or whatever..a wedding a HUGE event.. how a person can go to one and not bring anything.. I will never understand.
I would feel ashamed of myself!
I contacted the people who didn't bring a gift only because they came to me after the fact and told me they were mailing it. I never would have approached them about it because like it was said, a gift is not required. Fine if you want to be a d.o.u.c.h.e but don't lie about it!
ETA: Wow you can't say d.o.u.c.h.e???? What if I'm talking about cleaning my vag?
halfbaked
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
While I consider it very wrong to show up to a wedding empty handed, I'd still send a TY card and thank them for coming, pointedly leaving out thanking them for a gift. At least they got you a card, we didn't even get that from some guests.
shelbylove918
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by IrinaBNY
Posted by KatieG2010
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
I couldn't agree more!!!
It's a WEDDING!!!! When you go to a birthday.. You bring a gift.. or buy someone a drink or whatever..a wedding a HUGE event.. how a person can go to one and not bring anything.. I will never understand.
I would feel ashamed of myself!
Ditto!!! We had a guest who is practically a millionaire and has all this money a apartment in city and vacation house out east and we didnt get zilch!!!!! NO CARD OR MONEY... And they sent their RSVP back the week of the wedding
eternitybride
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by KatieG2010
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
I am sorry, but I have to disagree. If you invite someone knowing they may not be in a financial position to give you a present if they go, but they are still your friend, why would the gift be more important then them being at your wedding to celebrate?
Maybe its how I was raised, you were to bring a gift if you were able to, but if you arent able to, its not an admission fee.
IrinaBNY
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
You know, if one of the people who came without a gift, told us 'hey, I'm sorry but I can't afford it'.. then it wouldn't be a problem at all. No one cares, and everyone understands. But going to a wedding and not bringing a gift and acting like it's a normal thing to do, in my opinion, is RUDE!
AngnShaun
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by flibbertigibbet
It isn't 'right' of them to not give you anything.
But it's less right IMO to not say thank you.
Should you give a gift? DUH. Should you try to cover your plate? If you can, absolutely. Would I ever show up with nothing? NEVER.
But... no one is required to give you anything. They're your guest. They aren't being invited to cover the cost of the wedding of whatever magnitude you wanted to have.
Say thank you for coming. It's not worth looking spiteful or starting drama.
JMO
ITA...
KatieG2010
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
I am sorry, but I have to disagree. If you invite someone knowing they may not be in a financial position to give you a present if they go, but they are still your friend, why would the gift be more important then them being at your wedding to celebrate?
Maybe its how I was raised, you were to bring a gift if you were able to, but if you arent able to, its not an admission fee.
chances are that if someone is your friend/family and they know that there is a party such as a wedding coming up (in advance) they would start saving their money months in advance- $5 a week- so that they can give a gift at their friend's/family's wedding. The gift is not an admission fee- its a little something given to teh bride and froom to start their life together. I was raised that if you arent going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't give people something to talk about
flibbertigibbet
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
I don't think people should have to 'save' to go to my wedding.
If they can't afford to throw aside some money... and especially if my parents said 'you know what... dont worry about it, you're travling anyways.'
-- them being there. that's what should count.
at least they didn't bail on you last minute, KWIM?
KatieG2010
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Let's agree to disagree... i'm a mean one- Mrs. Grinch.
flibbertigibbet
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
sho nuff.
eternitybride
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by flibbertigibbet
I don't think people should have to 'save' to go to my wedding.
If they can't afford to throw aside some money... and especially if my parents said 'you know what... dont worry about it, you're travling anyways.'
-- them being there. that's what should count.
at least they didn't bail on you last minute, KWIM?
I agree. I had people who didnt come to my wedding because they couldnt afford a gift, and to me that was worse than if they had shown up without something, because I wanted THEM to be there to celebrate with DH and I
shelbylove918
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Honestly if I knew someone that couldnt afford to bring a gift but wanted to come to the wedding it wouldnt bother me.. Even though I was raised if you go to a party you bring a gift.. I mean we are not talken thousands here.. I got a fricken 100.00 and a condom for crying out loud as one of my gifts from a couple!!!! LOL
But I know of a couple people that have lots of money and DID NOT BRING ANYTHING NOT EVEN A CARD Thats just unacceptable and rude!!!!!
Iluvpoodles
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Re: Thank You Card Related. Am I wrong?
Posted by eternitybride
Posted by KatieG2010
call me greedy- call me snobby i dont care the right thing to do when going to a wedding is to bring a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift, you should not attend. I'm not saying the guest has to cover their plate but even a little something is better then nothing at all. i can see you sending them a thank you card for coming but really what are you thanking them for? i am sure you thanked them for coming at the wedding.
I am sorry, but I have to disagree. If you invite someone knowing they may not be in a financial position to give you a present if they go, but they are still your friend, why would the gift be more important then them being at your wedding to celebrate?
Maybe its how I was raised, you were to bring a gift if you were able to, but if you arent able to, its not an admission fee.
No one is saying anything about an admission fee. To me it's the right and PROPER thing to do. If it was an extremely close friend, that is one thing. Me, I would say 'sorry, I can't afford to attend' and not go if this was for someone I have no relationship with, like in my case these relatives.
