This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Hi.

Maybe it is the stress of planning a wedding and us being in the home stretch, but I cannot blame it entirely on that.

My Fh is a wonderful guy and I love him sooo much, however he is as slow as molasses and he is such a procrastinator. He likes to do things on his own time.

I , being the impatient quick to do things person that I am get frustrated when he takes too long to do things and as a result I find myself nagging him.
Please help me stop, or come up with a better way to deal with his slowness, or better yet how can I get him to be more on top of things. This last one is hard- we have been together a million years so I doubt it will come easy.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

COMPROMISE....COMPROMISE...COMPROMISE!!!

You need to slow it down and he needs to pick up the pace. It's not going to be easy, just be patient. It's the week before your wedding...just stay away from each other...

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

do it yourself that is what I did for the wedding planning. Take note, this will not change in real life. I gave Roger one duty and one duty only, calling his guest that did not respond, girl he turned it in to a project. Nagging will get you no where. They do not act on that. usually a procrastinator does not act because of fear, the unknown and laziness, fear is usally at the top of the list. Or there is the big one fear of letting us down. I said if you don't do it tho' I won't know. Hang in there sweetie, you are in this for life.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I hear ya!

Al and I have a different timeline for getting things done (and his family is SO last minute on everything). I'd rather get it done then stress about it at the last minute.

I've done the nagging route, and the doing it myself, but lately I've found it works best if I just relax and let him get to it. I pick my battles on whats worth bugging him about, or what can wait for him. I think its actually made him more responsive to know I won't just take care of it.

(truth be told, I still do some things myself when I fear getting shut out if we wait for him to get around to it. But I'm much more of a planner than he is)

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Don't worry, DH is the same way. Same for the wedding, I did 99.99 % of the work. He had about 2 tasks in a whole year of planning.

We're married now, not much has changed in that respect, I still take care of the bills, do all the organizing, etc. .
I prefer to do it myself then wait 1 month per task for him to do it and then find out it's not done right anyway
Welcome to the world of give and take. We give, they take

Seriously, it will be OK. Most men I know are just like this.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I hate being nagged..so I never nag DH...

I'll give you a DH laziness example though:

in 1997 DH was in a pretty bad accident and had to be helicoptered to the hospital...well he had full insurance, but never followed through on some things, so when we applied for a mortgage in 2001 we were declined (for jumbo)...so you'd think that he would try to clear it up...


well after a few years we have been saving and sold a house that he had already...so we don't need a jumbo mortgage...but we were nervous they still wouldn't want to give him anything...since he was dilinquint....we were approved...but when we got his credit report...it says that it will be taken off in 2004...so in the long run...his lazines paid off...lol

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I have the same problem so I would love some advice too I like to get things done and my husband loves sitting around or having fun. I feel like I nag too or I do everything. I did almost everything with the wedding myself too.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I have come to the conclusion that there are some things you have to just deal with

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Instead of stressing myself out nagging my DH, I do it myself.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I know I am generalizing but MOST guys are not really into wedding planning. I think procrastinating is very natural to them and sometimes they really have no idea about how much planning something takes..sometimes you just need to sit down and tell him how you feel (i.e., I'm feeling overwhelmed and I really need your help...)

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Thanks Irenie, it is not only limited to wedding planning though. I just think because of the wedding I am seeing it full force.

For the most part I do things myself, but there are those things that need BOTH of our input and when that happens he drags his feet, which frustrates me.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

oh Erica - I have a story for you!

While Al was at Stanford, he was in an improv group. Along with others in the group, he applied to teach improv to juvenile deliquents (which required a background check and fingerprints). His application was rejected and came back: DID NOT DISCLOSE PRIOR ARREST!

Now, he's NEVER been arrested, so we were like . You think he'd want to clear this up immediately! He called a few times, couldn't get in touch with the right person and then just LET IT GO!

I have no idea if it was just a clerical error or what, but I would have found out!

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I love this post...I can relate to all of these stories. I am a quick doer and FI never feels any urgency. I am trying to cut the nagging but it is SO hard.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Chloe it is SO hard. I try to be patient but the nagging over takes me.

I think I have found a solution.

I.E. I need him to do something by lets say middle of September, I will tell him I need it by the end of August so then I will get it done when I need it.

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

It is so bad for me that every week something else needs to be done. Now it is the basement, gutters, tree cutting, doors need to be fixed, closet done, light put up on the side of the house, etc. I like to get things, so it is so hard when he says tommorow. We have been getting the basement done for almost a year now never happens. It gets hard not to nag!

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

I wish I could give you some advice but my DH is a member of the DO-IT-LATER club.

Just wanted to let you know I sympathize with ya

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

Nrvbrd- lol- that's what I do. I tell FH I need something done 2 weeks before I actually need it. Not saying that's a perfect solution, but I tell him once, and tell him I'm not going to be on his A55 to get it done. He knows when I need it, it's his wedding too, and to get it done. Well- the directions to the church got done after I had stuffed all the invites! He did them at the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT and I had to stuff them separately!

You'll find other ways along the way that work for you and your hubby! If I can just say, not making ANY excuses, but YOU know I know he's got some other things going on. He's really working hard at that- so hang in there honey!!!!! He really loves you!!!!

Re: This is a question for those who have husbands who are slow and procrastinate?

My DH and his brother invented procrastination. I was talking to my sister-inlaw- about my kitchen and she's telling my that the knobs for her kithcn cabinets are still waiting to be put on 10 Years later. The basement half finished. etc etc

My husband will wait for hell to freeze over. We needed to add a 3rd bedroom to the house when we learned we were expecting due to all the visitors we were planning on. My husband had 6 months to do it befoer the baby's birth and he did not get done til my son was 4 months old.

I actually had to call contractors and made sure my husband was home, to get his butt in gear. When he realized that it was going to cost twice what he could do it for and he knew I was serious he finally got off his butt.

For smaller stuff around the house, I break out the toolbox or ladder or whaterver, and then I ask him for help every 5 minutes.
Honey what tool is this?
It's not working?
Oops, I heard a pop? Is that bad?
Uh is it supposed to be gushing like that?

I make it more inconvient for him to help me every minute til he realizes that if he just gets up and does it now, it will prob get done in 5 minutes.

So far so good he has not caught onto it all yet!!
But on occasion I still need the nag factor. But not so much anymore!!