A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back...AND yet another email

Original post by AlisonMT

Jan 09, 2004 12:21 PM

Ladies, I'm upset and confused and need to vent a little (apologies for the length of this). I also need some advice.

I have this 'friend' who, every so often, turns out to be really two-faced. For example, we're getting along great in person and then she lambastes me with some email for some tiny thing I apparently did to her that most of the time I don't even know I did or was relevant. But for the past 7 years, we have sung together in an a cappella group and remained friends, so I thought. She even made my veil for my wedding! So I thought things were ok.

The singing group broke up last year and we agreed to meet in January '04 to discuss when/if we wanted to start up again. We met the other night, the three of us remaining, and I had a great time seeing these women. It was fun and felt like old times. And there didn't seem to be any animosity.

Well, yesterday, I checked my email and there was an email from her completely bashing me! Only this time, it wasn't addressed to me, it was addressed to the other girl in the group, but this woman had accidentally sent it to me instead! And the entire email was complaining about me for reasons I didn't even understand, including an accusation that I fake my allergies! She was completely talking behind my back (or so she thought) and I couldn't help but wonder how often she does this, above and beyond the occasional nasty email she intends to send directly to me.

I was so hurt and upset that she would do this and now I don't know if I can bring myself to sing with her, much less continue our friendship under this pretense. It certainly sounds like she doesn't want to be friends with ME anymore if she hates me so much and feels the need to complain to someone else about me! I wrote her back telling her how hurt I was but received no reply. What should I do?? Should I just email both girls and tell them I changed my mind, I don't want to be part of the group anymore? I am so upset.

Thanks for listening and for any advice.

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:05 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

I don't know if I can do it!! I just got three emails from people interested in auditioning for the group. I REALLY want to sing again. Maybe I can just look the other way when it comes to this girl and just not respond to her or be friends with her, but just try to peacefully coexist and sing together?? We don't have to be friends to sing together, do we??

What if I wrote D separately and explained the situation to see what her take on it was??

yabbobay Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:08 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

why not ask the people would responded to form a new group?

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:18 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Unfortunately, the # they are supposed to call is J's. I only got a few emails from people I knew beforehand...

kmcwed Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:25 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Alison,

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

From experience, my advice is... Get these people out of your life. Surely they aren't worth the drama.

There may be wonderful opportunities and friendships waiting ahead for you. But you'll never know if you stay tied to your old and unhealthy 'friends.'

june262004 Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:26 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

She sounds like a crazy biatch!

MarcellaBella Posted: Jan 09, 2004 02:47 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Posted by AlisonMT

Regardless of all of this, I do like you.

THis is the best part of the letter..

F*ck this girl.. You don't need her.

Xelindrya Posted: Jan 09, 2004 03:08 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

You know.. I’d have to agree with you not believing her. I mean I’ve said awful stuff in my life but never tried to p*ssy foot around it they way this letter seems to be. If you screw up and you REALLY didn’t mean it, there’s no real explanation other than Hey so-so. Yep… what I said was Fked up. That’s a really long email to basically say “Yeah.. Oops you got that email.. … uhmm… Im sorry but you’re still a pain, but I like you even though you annoy me and I understand even though I really can’t stand what happened, but lets be friends, with conditions” How many contradictions can one person have?

She gets big time points for BSing with such eloquence but it’s still BS. I thinks she knows she messed up, but not so much with you as it is she messed up with the group thing. I think she wants to sing and wants you there and knows she had to say sorry to get you to stay.

If you continue to be in the group, just remember this is no friend. You know she’s going to always read into anything you say and you will be the target of her animosity. Assume the worse with her and never be surprised again. Remember that old saying “Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me”.

Good Luck!

Donna Posted: Jan 09, 2004 03:16 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Since you really do want to still sing is it possible for you to just keep it at that level?

Just go to practice, sing and then go home. In all of her rantings she never complained about your singing voice

Everyone is correct in that you should drop her but it isn't fair to you that you also have to give up something you really want to do.

wacky Posted: Jan 09, 2004 03:17 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Tell her to go **** herself. You have no timefor people like this in your life.

Sing her a GOODBYE song.

Sage10.03 Posted: Jan 09, 2004 03:26 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

I can totally sympathize with the fact that you still want to sing...but trust me if you want that bad enough, you will find another way to do it.

There is always going to eb something with this girl and you are never going to be able to trust her again....

I really think you need to cut all ties, but that has to be your decision!

PrincessRose Posted: Jan 10, 2004 08:27 AM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Alison -

I have a joke for you:

How many Divas does it take to change a light bulb?

7.

1 to actually do it, and the other 6 to stand around saying how much better they could be doing it.

Thought you might need a chuckle, but seriously.

I'm a singer too. Us women can be so awful to each other. I'm so sorry about what's going on, and I'm always here to talk. She seems to be making a lot of judgements. I don't think she's really in any position to.

I was recently stabbed in the back by my supposed best friend (of 20 years) too. It hurts. But since I've come to terms with it - I am so much better without that extra difficulty in my life.

If I ever move to the DC area (not such a far fetched idea), I'll call you and we'll start our own group.

Oh, Yabbobay - your cousin was in the Binghamtonics??? Who is she? I went to Binghamton too!

prncssrachel Posted: Jan 10, 2004 08:53 AM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Allison, do yourself a favor and walk away. She seems to be looking for reasons to NOT like you. Screw her.

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 10, 2004 01:09 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Thanks Rachel...and Rachel...and everyone else. Yeah, it's gonna be hard but I think you guys are right. I may try to start up again with the singing on my own. We'll see.

BTW, Rachel(PrincessRose), where do you sing? Did you sing at Binghamton? What year were you? Just curious...

PrincessRose Posted: Jan 10, 2004 01:38 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Sadly I don't sing anywhere these days. I miss it a LOT. The most singing I do anymore is occasional Karaoke.

I went to Binghamton and graduated in 2002. While I was there I was president of Harpur Chorale, and as interested as I was in the a capella groups, that never quite panned out for me. Besides, my voice teacher would've killed me! LOL

Seriously though, I still love A Capella music. Tonight I'm going to see Rockapella (for the 8 millionth time), and I went to see FOCS's last NY show a few weeks ago. There's a great story associated with that, but I'll not bore you with details.

Rachel

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 10, 2004 01:58 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

FM Rachel! I WANT to hear your FOCS story...I used to date one of the guys...

PrincessRose Posted: Jan 10, 2004 02:07 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Back atcha. BTW, when did you go to Cornell? FBIL is there right now and my Dad graduated from there YEARS AGO. But I have lots of friends who have gone over the years.

See what a positive conversation this has become? Who needs that stupid B&$(&?

groovypeg Posted: Jan 10, 2004 02:13 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Hi Alison,

I sang with the Pegs at Binghamton 93-97. If you want FM me, there are a bunch of us on the island that would probably love to get together and sing!! ETD: DuH! I didn't realize thatyou are not on the island!

I think you wrote a very classy email. Good Luck with all of this!

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 10, 2004 02:21 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Rachel, I just replied to your email. I graduated Cornell in '95 but my brother is there now and graduates this May. What year is your FBIL? What's he studying? Is he in a fraternity? Maybe they know each other?!

GroovyPeg (now I get the name! )...thanks for the offer! But, you're right, I don't live in NY. I think I knew a woman who sang with the Pegs the same time as you did, though. There was a woman named Mary, I think, that was good friends with my MOH. I believe she graduated Binghamton in '95.

WithThisRing Posted: Jan 10, 2004 02:35 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

KICK HER IN HER D@MN A$$!!!! Then tie her lame self to a chair, grab a CD of some choir singing the pearl song and have it looped so it plays over and over and over again. Have it played till her d@mn ears bleed.

Then, kick her in her A$$ one more time

Just forget her. If she wants to be like this, dont waste your time with her

groovypeg Posted: Jan 10, 2004 05:29 PM

Re: A friend who's not: What would you do? - UPDATE: She wrote back

Posted by AlisonMT

GroovyPeg (now I get the name! )...thanks for the offer! But, you're right, I don't live in NY. I think I knew a woman who sang with the Pegs the same time as you did, though. There was a woman named Mary, I think, that was good friends with my MOH. I believe she graduated Binghamton in '95.

I think I know who you are talking about! what a small world!